Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Her husband beat her till she lost her baby

strength do not give up

(firstly I apology for if I make any typing mistake)

Dear brothers and sisters. I am sharing this story behalf of my dearest best friend I have known her 19 years now and my friend is in such a difficult situation and needs help and advice. I told her about this site but she is so upset and depressed that she said she doesn't have that energy to sit and write about her unexpected accidents which she faced by her self. Then I got permission from her and said 'trust me this site will change your life' and have confidence in your life then she told me to share and if any brother or sister could give my dearest friend advice it would be so helpful.

It all started when she got married. She had an arranged marriage when she was 18 and the guy was 26. She accepted that proposal because her father was very sick and her dad's wish was to see his daughter with her husband. She got married she is the only daughter when they got married her husband said you can continue your study she was happy. My friend is from Iran as well as her husband). Then after they god married they were happy. After year my friend's father passed away then my friend broke down- still at that time her husban gave her support and all emotional issue. Around that time her mother requested her to become mother as soon as possible because her mom was not well as well and she wanted to see her grandson/daughter.

Then she told her husband about her wish them her husband agreed though she know it will affect her studies still she didn't give that importance. They tried for a baby but had no luck. She went to doctor after doctor and they said there's nothing wrong, you have to try in proper time. After 2 years of trying finally Alhumdullilah my friend was pregnant and every one was happy.

Unfortunately her mom passed away from a heart attack. My friend broke down then her husband supported her very nicely and kindly. Personally I know her husband was nice person but here comes all the kindness of her husband my friend when she was 5 months pregnant she found that her husband got another wife and they got 2 children age 5/6 two boy. My friend asked him about it then he started to behave like an animal. He beat her, kicked her in her womb torture her like an animal.

She still has the scar on her neck she showed me. When she told him that she will call the police he told her that if she does that he will kill her and cut her, so police won't have any trace of you. He said he doesn't want her, he wants to go to his first wife then my friend said then 'give me a divorce.' She doesnt want to live like this then he said 'I will give you divorce' but before that he told her to kill the baby. She said gr what it's my baby I want that baby you got no right to kill my baby then he said it's not only your it's mine aswell. Without me you would not get pregnant so I will decide.

Then he hit her and started to beat her and push and throw her here and there my friend was screaming like he'll after while she was bleeding and went to hospital then the doctor said your baby is mo more the doctor said your baby is stuck if they do operation then my friend won't get pregnant again then he said do operation my friend doesn't know cause she was not in her sense.

After she got her sense back she touched her womb and it was flat she started to act like a mad women. The doctor said you are fine we will operation don't worry you will get pregnant again by hearing this my friend was silent, stops crying, didn't talk with anyone. Then they gave name to the baby and buried her, then my friend got divorced.

Dear friends brothers and sister, please give me some powerful advice for my dearest friend. While I was typing her story I was crying and feeling so helpless now. What she should do? Now she staying in hostel last night. I told her to come to my house, she did come but when ever I now see her I feel so cry and now whenever she sees my daughter she hugs her and cries like hell. My husband told her to take action but she say Allah is watching, He(swt) will judge. True but does my friend deserve this life?

Please do reply me my brothers an sisters...


Tagged as: , , , ,

21 Responses »

  1. Ofcourse she doesn't deserve to be treated this way nobody does, what she went through has become a nightmare for her. Before I give this sister some advice I just wanted to say that people like you in this world are very few and we are all very proud of you for sticking up for your friend and being there for her when she needed someone, thank you

    Do you live in iran with this sister, if so then there must be some welfare that can support her and help her get back on her feet. You can try searching the internet and find some help group that could help this sister. As you say she has still got the scar on her neck then she should go to the police and report this and tell them because of her ex husband she had lost her baby and that he was very abusive towards her, the police will then take action and do something about it. Maybe the sister might want to take her mind of this by doing something, why doesn't she look around for a job or volunter to do something this will take her mind of her past.

    The sister can go to theropy and talk to someone about this and they can give more advice and share her stories. This sister has been very strong just ask her to pray to Allah this life is a test, and she is being tested, May Allah give her all the happiness this sister deserves in sha Allah.

    Ameen x

  2. Salaams,

    It sounds as if you are saying that this friend has already left and divorced her abusive husband. Alhamdullilah, if that has indeed happened she has already taken a step that's very difficult to take and will in time heal slowly. However, the loss of her baby at his hands was a very, very traumitizing one and arguably could be considered murder depending on the laws where she lives and the gestational age of the baby at the time. She may not be ready to pursue any legal options available to her at this time, so don't be too pushy about that.

    It's going to take a lot of patience and time for her to heal from the trauma of losing her child. Clearly seeing your daughter is a strong trigger for her, but that doesn't mean she should have to avoid her. She may find comfort in having your daughter to shift focus to, and in these type of situations it's much, much better that she is getting the emotions out by crying (even often) instead of keeping them bottled in. In the end, she is going to grieve the loss of her baby in some way or another for the rest of her life- it's something that any mother will tell you who has lost a child. You never forget them, and that's perfectly ok. Those precious babies shouldn't be forgotten.

    Your friend is going to need professional help to sort out what's happened and re-structure her inner world into one more meaningful for her. Right now the pain is obviously very raw and so the sooner she can find a good female therapist that she feels comfortable with, the better. Please talk to her about the benefits she will find in this and encourage her to look in this direction. As far as you being a supportive friend, realize that you won't be able to "fix" this problem for her. No one can "fix" the loss of a child. It will help her quite a bit to just sit with her and even cry with her, and hug her and tell her simply that you are there for her and that you will continue to be there for her as she travels the road to her future. Let her talk, let her say whatever her heart needs to say, and just listen and tell her no matter what you still care for her.

    Everyone deals with loss in their own way, and the process is never short and never easy. I think it probably wouldn't hurt to suggest to her to get a notebook or journal, and write thoughts to her baby that she didn't get the chance to. It can be an ongoing letter to the child she never got to raise, and she may be able to find some sense of connection and peace in that. Finally, and most importantly, don't make her feel like she has to "get over" what's happened. She doesn't have to move on from missing her baby, because any reasonable mother will miss their lost child for the rest of their life. Instead, give her "permission" to feel angry, to feel incomplete, to long for her child every day. Tell her these feelings are ok and she doesn't need to feel ashamed, she doesn't need to feel like her life should be "normal" again because there's nothing natural about outliving your child. A lot of times, just feeling the freedom of experiencing the loss in its totality gives one strength to find a way to move forward...whereas trying NOT to grieve only keeps one from fully healing and finding meaning in their life without their child.

    -Amy Editor

  3. Honestly, reading your story broke my heart I had tears in my eyes wallah this is so sad I'm really sorry to hear that, just please be there for your friend. Insallah all reward you for that.

  4. i have tried to submit desame question but they would not alllow it.
    desame situation is my girl friend now and family is treatening to kill her morther and do honor killing to her she is also harrassd to marrying him and he has repeatedly raped her. idk what to do , no one seems to be interested in helping me saying its normal. but its agains quran to take doughters free dome of rights isnt it?

  5. @muislim sister thank you for your reply. We both live in Australia. As far I know her father had lots of property in Australia they wear well educated family so inshalaah I don't think that's going to be problem. The problem is she is now lost. She is now only 23 she stopped her studies and now she says marriage is "fake" she is so lost when I last visited her in hostel when I entered her room her room was dark her window was shut no lights nothing though yesterday weather was okay. I stayed there for 3 hrs I cooked food for her in 3 hrs her only word was "why life is like that" and holding my daughter in 3hrs my daughter (emaan) was with her, that's it rest I spoke but she was pin drop silent. I also told her after she got divorse to move to my house, she refused but still I told her my door is always open for her. I don't know whas els I ca do to make her brave now she is scared of everything.

    @Amy thank you sister for your reply. I copy your comment and email that to my friend. Hope she will understand today I am going to visit her.

  6. Subhan'Allah what a horrible human being her ex husband was this has upset me so much the way he played with her life, Sister your friend should say Alhamdulilah that she has know ties with that man and she never has to see him again, if they had the child he would always have a connection with her and judging by his past actions who knows what he would of been capable of Authubillaa their are people in this world who just appear human but are monsters inside she may not see it now but insha'Allah she will have better, with every difficulty comes easy Allah (swt) promise us, so tell her to not lost her iman insha'Allah khayr.

  7. Sister,

    Your husband is correct...she should go to the police without delay. By not doing so will allow this man who is nothing more than a murderer to go free. Of course he will be judged by Allah but he should also be accountable for his actions in this life. For him to go free as if nothing has transpired will be a tragedy not only for your friend but for the life he has stolen by his selfish and cruel actions. He has denied a life to be and he must be held accountable. She should also inform the police of his threats against her and her life. Her child may have been silenced but she still has a voice. She needs to use her voice on behalf of her unborn child and speak up for him/her and seek justice.


  8. Salam:-D all the answers are good but I dont think she should sue him/report against him becaus its not a good idea to have anything to do with him again. 1st step should be detachment. Is there another place she can live in,far from where u are now,with lots of greenery perhaps. 2nd should be love.shes vulnerable and fragile now,she should be loved,by you,by her family,siblings,your daughter and the society.3rd,say alhamdulilah, thank allah for giving her a chance to escape.4th acceptance. Acept the fate. Dont go back,dont try to.shel meet her baby in jannah isA.lastly you as her friend plz b thre 4 her

  9. Asalamualaikum,

    @mira91 sister I don't know weather to read her story properly. But still thank you for your response.

    And thank you all for response. I will fwd all message to my friend.


  10. Dear brothers and sisters,

    My friend read all of your reply, but after I didn't get any response. She docent talk to anyone. Today from her hostel one teacher called me and said "your friend dosent come out from the room when it's breakfat/lunch or dinner time she dosent attand. She is so quite" after that I visited her and she didn't talk to me nothing. What should I do? I am so scared now, don't know I should say or think like this as she is mentally disturb i don't know.

    PlZ tell me what should I do?

    • Salaams,

      It sounds to me like she may be suffering from a combination of depression or post traumatic stress disorder, or both. This is why she would really need professional help. If you think it's getting bad enough that she is not taking care of herself and might get very ill (like by refusing to eat or stay hydrated for days) then you might need to have the authorities take her to a hospital for mental evaluation and care.

      By the way, you said she had other children with her ex, where are they now?

      -Amy Editor

      • Asalamualaikum,

        Sister Amy thank you for your reply. I did appoint one psychiatrist. Hope she will speak. And about those children from his first wife now they live in Perth.


  11. Assalama-laikum sister No women should be treated the way your friend did. it is very sad to hear even muslims brothers torture women like this. Your sory is very sad tears are what ate dropping frpm my eyes. Your best friend is strong she knows and has belief that Allah(Swt) will give her ex husband punishment. I would advise you to keep her strong and tell her she didnt deserve a man who only knew how attack a womens respect,and use her as a weakness.I am glad to c tht you besy friend has a friend like you .... Good friends like you are hard to find who nderstand and and want to protect your friend from any danger...May Allah grant every wish ou and your best friend desire to have... keep supporting your friend I understand she lost a child which she desperatly wanted..A mother who looses a child is the most heart breaken event for her to go through... May Allah make the best for you and our friend

  12. Salams,

    wow, that has broken my heart. I would report it to the authorities. He has killed his child, he has

    committed murder and I'm sure he won't get away with it. He has to face legal punishment-

    encourage your friend to take legal steps against him.

  13. Dear all brothers and sisters, I request if possible please make dua for my friend who I lost last night at 3:45am 7/6/2012.  She cometed suicide. And there was a note she left and I would like to share. 

        "people come to this world alone and leave alone. People come to this world to live happy and earn good deeds so that when you die you sleep in peace. But unfortunatly my life was full of pain no brother sister no parents unfaithful husband abused me like an animal lost baby in my womb. Who should I live for and why? My friend tell me don't loose hope have faith in Allah but where it is? All I am getting is pain and it's killing me day by day and night. I know in Islam suicide is sin but did Allah left me any choice? Allah know I haven't done anything wrong in my life but I think Allah wants me to do some sins. I know what are the punishment I will get I don't care anymore I am sure and I know it won't be much pain when I lost my baby. I know I won't go to haven I don't care. I want to go to he'll I want to die as a kafir. I am ready to take the punishment. Now I think getting punishment in hell it's better then  in this cruel  world I have nothing to write"

    Please brother sister pray for my friends. I can't stop myself crying I am getting sick. I can't forget my friend dead face it made me shake the pain oh Allah I don't know I am begging Allah to forgive her. Please dear brothers and sister pray for her.


    • Asalaamualaykum Nadia,

      I am so sorry about your friend. This is a terrible thing to hear. I will pray for her.

      Please be strong and turn to Allah.

      SisterZ Editor

    • To Allah we belong and to Him we return.

      Very sad to read this, may Allah (swt) have mercy on her.
      Will keep her in my duas

    • Ina lilla hi wa inna illa ha rajioon. May Allah (swt) forgive her for committing this grave sin under the influence of "whispers of Shaytan" who eventually lead her to lose faith and hope in Allah (swt). May Allah (swt) also overlook her past sins to and grant her Jannah and unite her with her child. (Amin) I will keep her in prayers iA.


  14. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi Raji'oon. May Allah save us from such an end. May He give us the strength to bear and have patience. May Allah enable us to Trust in Him. May He save us from the Hell and grant us al Jannah. May He be Pleased with us and May He not punish us for our sins, our foolishness.

    Aameen, Ya Rabbal 'Aalameen

  15. Subhanallah.!!! Innalillahi wa inna ilaihu raji un. May Allah grant her peace in her grave and give her paradise in hereafter.. At least she really beleives in Allah, and she has the full beleives that she's going to meet him when she die. this is clear from her letter... Allah might consider this strong beleive and grant her paradise. . . . . . Why i said this is because i was opportuned to attend an islamic lecture, and the lecturer was relating something to this effect "there leaves a man in the days of the old who was a grate tyrant, and he has commited sins that are wort taken him to hell fire for all eternity... the man beleives in Allah, but his beleive couldnt stop him from commiting such grate sins. And because the man knows if he dies, he's going to meet Allah and Allah would punish him for his sins, this man now informed his close allies that whenever he dies, they should burn his dead body and scatter the ashes into the sea (or blow up the ashes in the air)... He is thinking if he does this, he has Already escaped Allah and thus escape Allah's punishment.. So when he died, his allies did exactly as he ask, but suddenly he saw himself awoke in the front of Allah.. Allah asked him did he think he can escape from Allah, and the man replied that he's afraid of Allah and his punishment as he truly beleives he's gonna meet Allah. For this Allah forgave him and grant him paradise..

  16. It's really sad. May Allah make it easy for her. Will pray for her

Leave a Response