She wants her family back but wants her freedom too. How to trust my unfaithful wife?
Assalam O Alaikum,
Alhamdulillah, I got a lot of answers from you who helped me a lot in my problem with my wife; after reading some advices I have talked with my wife and she gave me a story about her being unfaithful. She told me a story that confirmed my thoughts but now she is telling me that she gave me lie that may be would satisfy my heart and brain. I know in my heart that she told me the truth but still I am very sad because I think she love me but not in the way that she will sacrifice something . I hope somebody knows what to do in this situation as I have lost a lot with my children and parents.
It is like I will not trust myself and it keeps me away from my deen. On the other hand she is willing to go to imams,and try to convince them that I am the problem and maybe she is right because when I offer a solution she says yes and then it turns to no, Is there somebody who knows how to deal with a lying woman that really wants her family back but she wants the freedom to do what she wants even if its haram.
I hope for my childrens sake that somebody can help.
Wa salaam,
said1507.
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Salaams,
We all do things wrong. For those of us who want to be better, to fulfill our potential, we make our intentions to cease from doing the wrongs we have done and try to do everything in our power to avoid falling again. Repenting is walking away from the wrong and going in the opposite direction- the direction of obedience.
Sometimes we hurt others by the wrongs we've done, and we have lost their trust. Out of our guilt we know we owe it to those we hurt to earn that trust back, and to do whatever it takes to reassure our loved ones that we are serious about living life according to Truth. If we hurt someone, and they need us to do certain things to help them trust us again, is it ever too much to ask?
This is a picture of a sincere person, someone who has lost their way and is fighting to find it again. There is nothing that will keep them from trying to get right with their Lord and those around them who have been burned by their misdeeds. Is this also the picture of your wife?
If it's not, then there could be two reasons for it. Maybe she is confused. Sometimes when we sin or make mistakes there is darkness that comes over us that complicates our senses, and we have a hard time figuring out the right thing to do in order to do it. If you think she is confused within herself (obviously her behavior is confusing you), then maybe staying separated and giving her more time to get some clarity on the issue will help.
If she is not confused, then it may be she is just not ready to make the sacrifices and hard choices necessary to move toward redemption. Maybe she's not ready to make everything right, or maybe she doesn't really want it to be right. Unfortunately, there are people in the world who want to try to live a life of sin while hanging on to the benefits of deen.
I can't tell you which category your wife falls in, but I can tell you this: if she really wants you and her marriage back badly enough, she will pay any price to get it. Go ahead and name some reasonable expectations you want from her to prove that she is just as committed to the marriage as you, and see what she does with that. Her response should help you find out where her heart really is.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor