Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He says she’s like his mother

Older woman with a younger man


Good afternoon,

I'm a filipina and a christian, and my boyfriend is pakistani and a muslim. He told me he wants me to marry me, but my instinct is that he's not telling the truth because he has a 50 years old caller that always calls him. When I ask him about it, he told me that the woman is treating him like his mom. But I believe the woman's feelingss for him are different.What will I do?

-blueberry 388

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10 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    There are a couple of concerning issues here regarding your boyfriend's behaviour.

    Firstly, as a Muslim, he should not be dating. Muslim men are permitted to marry Christian women (or Jewish or Muslim women), but the same rules about relationships apply - so, he should not be in private communication with you, and he should not be romantic with you until nikah (after which a couple are Islamically husband and wife).

    Secondly, if this other woman is not a close relative, he should not be in private communication with her either! There's no "like a mum" provision where it can magically become acceptable to have such contact (at least, not as far as I'm aware - there are provisions for adoption, etc. but I'm assuming they wouldn't be relevant here).

    It might be worth discussing the issue with your boyfriend again, and emphasising the importance of him behaving in accordance with the guidance of his faith. Personally, if a man identified as being of a particular faith but didn't at least try to follow its teachings and apply them to his life, I'd have big concerns about his integrity and commitment - if a man chooses not to be committed to his faith, then he may well choose not to be committed to his relationships.

    I'd also recommend that you learn more about Islam; if you do marry this man, it will be important to know the basic principles of his faith, and to be familiar with the day-to-day aspects of an Islamic lifestyle. I'd recommend this even if you are sure you don't want to revert to Islam, as it's important for anyone in a multi-faith household to be aware of what the other person or people believe and what changes may need to be made (to the environment, to how people interact, etc.).

    Midnightmoon editor

  2. He may have a wife he calls mum. What country do you live in? Is he an immigrant?

    • Why you people are so obsessed with the word 'immigrant'? As if non-immigrants are angels. Every individual is different.Please do not generalize.

      • Nailed it, every immigrant is a suspect and all residents are angels,in particular,the converts.

        • This is not a place where people can criticise at each other instead of answering the question of people in need of some advice and support n

          • Nothing wrong to protest or point out the prejudice for a certain community where answering the question begins with a question-Is he an immigrant?.

      • While I agree that generalizations are not wise and every individual is unique, no one can ignore the fact that immigration for citizens from specific countries to other countries is difficult--and they are certainly not blameless in this matter--The question is quite valid.

        To the OP,

        It would help to know more about you and the particulars. From the sounds of it, something very suspicious is going on. I would be very very careful. Have you talked to this person he calls mother?

        I would also suggest to go ahead with Sister Midnightmoon's response. Muslims should not have a bf or gf. Your initial instinct about this individual is probably correct.


    • Salaams,

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  4. Ive tried so many times. Bt they aren't sending me the password which is required to get oneself registered..

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