Islamic marriage advice and family advice

She’s married, but I want her for my wife in the hereafter.


Assalamu Alaikum,

I couldn't express my feelings for my chosen woman at the right time, because I was unable to marry her. I waited for Allah's help, but it was too late by the time I was prepared.

In the meantime she married someone else, but I can't think about losing her both in this life and hereafter. I want to win her in either life! It is making me confused, because I could not break her family to get her in this life, but actually I want to do anything that brings her back to me in the hereafter as a prize or mercy from Allah swt.

I am gonna marry someone else whom I will love much, but I still want my lost choice through my ibadaah or sacrifices. Please advise me what to do, as it is weakening my patience since it is getting clearer to me that I LOST HER PERMANENTLY both in this life and hereafter. My worry is not about the Hour el'Eens or the Catering Service in paradise, but my lost soulmate.

Zajaa kALLah.


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8 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    if the husband dies, and the wife doesn't re-marry then she will reunite with him. now that's a big IF, since no one knows who will enter Jannah. also after you get married you probably forget about her in due time.

    instead of wasting time doing Ibaadah on something that never was, nor likely to happen. pray to Allah(swt) to bless you and you future wife with righteous children, save you from punishment of the grave, seek his shade on the day of Judgment and save you and your family from the fire of hell, which will be far better for you.

    ma salama..

  2. Assalaam u Alaikum brother,

    Firstly you need to understand what you are doing now by thinking of this woman even after she is MARRIED is a degree of ZINA you are COMMITTING which is one of the GREATER sins...So seek the FORGIVENESS of ALLAH SWT and HIS PROTECTION from the Waswas of Shaytan.

    Now as Brother Ahmed said 'IF' you are; by the GRACE and MERCY of ALLAH SWT are ENTERED into PARADISE in the HEREAFTER this Woman will not EVEN come to your MIND coz ALLAH SWT Insha-ALLAH Will Make your HEART and MIND SO PERFECT that there won't be any room for such a wish; to have someone else's Wife for your own SPECIALLY after WE would have encountered the DAY of JUDGEMENT, THE JALAL (ANGER) of ALLAH SWT and SEEN as well as HEARD the ROAR of the FIRE of HELL which will not ONLY SCARE TERRIFY Sinners like us but also the Saints who lived life on the RIGHT Path!!!

    And I suggest you read the AHADITH of the Holy Prophet PBUH about the Maiden of Paradise. The First Look of a person On the first HOOR is been described as 70 years of the Hereafter which is equivalent to 70000 years of this mortal world so Beautiful she will be that if our HEARTS are not PERFECT as assured will BURST out of EXCITEMENT...

    So PRAY for that Paradise and Ask ALLAH SWT to SAVE you and the Muslim UMMAH from the TORMENTS of HELL...

    May Allah Guide us All.

    • Assalam alaikum,

      Brother, you wrote:

      thinking of this woman even after she is MARRIED is a degree of ZINA

      I agree that this man should focus is time/energy/thoughts on his wife alone, but I wasn't sure if thinking of someone is a degree of Zina.

      I have read that:

      Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, "Allah has written the very portion of Zina which a man will indulge in. There will be no escape from it. The Zina of the eye is the (lustful) look, the Zina of the ears is the listening (to voluptuous songs or talk), the Zina of the tongue is (the licentious) speech, the Zina of the hand is the (lustful) grip, the Zina of the feet is the walking (to the place where he intends to commit Zina), the heart yearns and desires and the private parts approve all that or disapprove it.''
      [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

      There is no mention of Zina of the mind.

      Though I agree with your advice, I just thought I would ask you for further clarification on what you wrote because if our wrong thoughts are considered sins, that is indeed difficult. May Allah have Mercy on us. Ameen.

  3. gonna marry someone else whom I will love much, but I still want my lost choice through my ibadaah or sacrifices

    How many women exactly you love too muchgood chance ? Being a Muslim man you can have 4 wives. You stand a good chance if she gets divorced.

  4. Salaams,

    When it comes to women, the best thing you can do is put your emotional investment into the wife you will marry. If you're going to love her, why hurt her heart or cheat her by holding on to affections for someone who was not meant for you? You will be accountable to Allah for how your manage your marriage and treat your wife more than how you felt about losing someone you cared about.

    -Amy Editor

  5. Aoa,
    i suggest that u pray to ALLAH that HE help you forget her and direct/divert your feelings to ur wife.


  6. Assalam alaikum Brother,

    I think all of what you are saying boils down to one thing and that is trusting in Allah swt. Do you trust that Allah will do justice with you? Do you trust that Allah swt will do justice with His creations? and Do you believe that Allah swt knows His creations better than they know themselves?

    Allah knows you better than you could ever even think you could know yourself. Discard the thoughts of doubt in your mind regarding what awaits you and trust that Allah swt is Just. Focus your energy on good deeds, prayer, your family and in your heart have unwaivering Faith in Allah--any other thoughts are whispers from the accursed shaitaan.

    May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.

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