Islamic marriage advice and family advice

She’s the only girl I ever loved; I can’t leave her.

Man destroyed by his desires

sallam all,

please help me, i m 18 years old and i seriously need help , idk why my Iman is getting low , i pray 5 tyms. i keep all fast alhumduliah and read Quran too, jxt my heart pains..

the reason is i m in a relation with a really nice muslim girl, want to marry her , but i cant too youn. kinda getting sexually involve too.

i cant leave her i promised her to marry her. cant stay away from talking to herr. jxt i repent alot , cant leave her too

i m trapped inbetweent.. if i look at islamic point of view . i should just leave her .. but this cant bloody happen ..

i think abt it and say to my self why is Islam soo hard , cant i even luv some1 , all these bad things come in my mind , she is the only girl i ever luved the 1st..

pls b kind and answer me something to give me peace in my heart thanx :)

- save me


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5 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum Brother,

    If you are too young to get married, you are too young to be sexually involved.

    No one can offer advice to you to leave matters the way they are. If you are serious about this girl as you say you are, then the both of you could have a Nikah done if her father agrees. The only other option is to distant yourself from her and stop personal/private communication, but have your family approach her family and consider marriage in a few years. It really is that simple.

    I really do believe (and have seen first-hand) that if the both of you are serious, have the Nikah. There were several families in the area that I group up in that married their children when they were in the 18 to 22 age range, but the boy and girl continued to live with their parents until they completed their education. This gave them both a chance to learn more about one another without it being haram. This situation works for some people and it may work for you and this girl. Solutions exist, but they might not be exactly what you want, but the result of your relationship currently will only anger Allah swt.

    May Allah guide us, Ameen.

  2. There is nothing wrong or haraam in Islam with being attracted to someone or liking someone as this is human nature and out of ones control. However you should do whatever you can to avoid doing anything haram e.g being sexually involved with her- do not do it! I know alot of people your age who are married and are even parents. Maybe you should talk to her parents or tell your parents that you are interested in her and hope to marry her in the future. All the best

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    i think abt it and say to my self why is Islam soo hard , cant i even luv some1IF U HAVE TO LOVE LOVE ALLAH-HE WILL NOT FAIL YOU AND EVERY HUMAN BEING WILL FAIL YOU THATS THE DIFFERENCE OF YR THINKING AND ISLAM-
    IT WILL BECOME BLASPHEMY IF YOU SAY THE WORDS LIKE THE ABOVE YOU TOLD-ON ISLAM-
    READ THIS SMALL CHART OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF LOVING SOMEONE OF THE OPP SEX-B4 MARRIAGE-Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
    As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
    Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.

    All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.
    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?

    He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.
    Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other.
    The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him.
    And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
    So each partner will live in a STATE OF DOUBT AND SUSPICION-, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
    The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
    Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful..
    kinda getting sexually involve too.THIS ANIMAL NATURE IS MADE HALAL IN NIKAH AND OUT OF NIKAH IT IS CALLED PRE MARITAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP- AND THAT IS EUROPEON STYLE WHICH U LIKE TO DO BLAMING ISLAM-ITS A CRIME AGAINST SHARIAH-
    O YOU HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL ON YR CARNAL DSIRES RATHER THAN BLAMING ISLAM-
    REGARDS

  4. save me says " why is Islam soo hard , cant i even luv some1 , all these bad things come in my mind
    i m in a relation with a really nice muslim girl, want to marry her , but i cant too youn. kinda getting sexually involve too."

    Are you saying you are not old enough to marry, but you are old enough to get sexually involved? What exactly is your question? You want to be saved from what? You say islam is hard but you are sexually involved with a girl..
    Now you want to look at islamic point of view .and just leave her.

    .

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    Sometimes we can feel that our Iman is low when we are not living our lives in accordance with Islamic teachings. If we subconsciously recognise that our actions, thoughts and faith are not consistent, that can cause us to feel out of balance, and unsettled.

    In your situation, Alhamdulillah you are praying regularly and reading Quran, but there are aspects of your life that aren't consistent with Islamic guidance, and on some level you are picking up on that. InshaAllah, once you get things back in order, you should feel more at peace with yourself.

    If you and your girlfriend love each other and wish to be together, then approach the matter in a way in keeping with Islamic principles - ask her father for permission to marry Islamically. You could then spend a few years completing your education, and once you are both ready start to build a life together, but having a nikah would mean this would be as husband and wife, and so no longer haraam.

    If the two of you aren't ready for marriage, then realistically you aren't ready for a physical relationship.

    Whatever you decide to do, make sure that the two of you repent for what has already occurred, and ensure that your relationship is in accordance with Islamic teachings from now on.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

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