Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I confess my sin when I marry?

guilt regret female

I am a 17-year-old born and raised Muslim girl that has lived in New Zealand all my life.

A couple of months back I had a relationship with a guy. It didn’t last long (about 3 months) and I deeply regret it elhamdoallah.  I am still a virgin but other things happened between us. I thought he truly loved me but he was using me.

We left each other because he tried to pull my top, I don’t know how much he saw or what he did but I am truly disgusted with what happened and ALLAH knows that I never wanted it to happen.

The only good thing that happened is it has made my relationship with Allah stronger and I truly regret this. Sometimes living in a non-Muslim country can be hard and you do mistakes you wish you never made.

Should I have to confess to my future husband about this sin? I have read in pervious posts that you must conceal your sin but I feel that if I do not tell my husband that he was not the first person to touch me etc. then I am cheating him.

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14 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, Sister,

    Alhamdulillah, you returned to the Straight Path. Sister,

    What you can do it is the following:

    1. Go to a doctor and have an STD test done, oral sex or sex with protection can give you an STD too, Allah(swt) forbids. Learn from your mistakes, be sure you are healthy and conceal your sins if you are, if not for sure you will have to tell.

    To talk to your husband to be that you have been in other hands will create a conflict in most cases and the images of you being with other one will haunt him and he will have to go through the path of forgiveness, stay away from you or just divorce you in the worst of the cases if you are already married. Even in cases where the husband/wife forgives, the fact of not being the first ones can cause real troubles during a long time. You should think about all of this.

    2. True repentance. Tawbah. What you have already done, Alhamdulillah.

    3. This is for you to think:

    Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “All the children of Adam are wrongdoers, and the best of the wrongdoers are those who repent.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)

    It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “All of my ummah may be forgiven except those who commit sin openly. It is a kind of committing sin openly if a man does something at night, then morning comes and Allaah has concealed his sin, but he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when his Lord has concealed him (his action) all night but in the morning he reveals that which Allaah had concealed for him.”
    Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990

    And this post that you have here:

    María Editor

    • Dear Sister,
      Thank you very much for your lovely comments, it has truly helped me see that maybe I am a good pure person but like any person the shaytan took over me .

      ElhamdALLLAH me and this guy sepreated before any sex occurred between us, unfourtanly I am ashamed to write that other things happened between us, (the only way for a person in islam to become a non-virgin is to have sex right ? )

      Is there a way or a dua that I can purify myself and feel untouched a again ? I just want to be that innocent girl I have always been before this person came into my life

      Best Wishes

  2. Alhamdulillah I am so happy for you sister - you realised the guy was no good and you protected yourself from him quickly before he led you into further immoral acts. I am so happy you are still a virgin and felt disgusted with him when he tried to pull your top - sick man.

    Forget about what happened, and move on. Your very young, and have plenty of time before you settle down with someone. In the years leading up to that repent to Allah, and ask him for guidance. Dont get into another relationship and keep good company. Attend muslim circles, and focus on Islam. Try to go for pilgrimage too and make a new start.

    Once you are ready inshaAllah start your search for a respectable man as your husband, have your parents involved, and keep things halal when getting to know him. Forget this sin, learn from it, and dont reveal anything to your husband.

    I wish you lots of joy and imaan..please keep me in your sincerest of duas, am in need of them.

    • Thank you I will 🙂 Please also keep me in your prayers , as you can see I am going through a tough time May ALLAH protect you and cover you sins amen

  3. Assalam oalykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,

    All praises to Allah (swt) and prayers and blessing be upon prophet (sal allahu alayhi wassalam)

    Elhamdulilah u are fortunate enough to realise and repent ur mistake indeed as bigger sins such as this require us to repent. as the earlier sisters said

    true repentance is with remorse , u should cut all the roots which leads to that sin again ,

    and as the mariam sister rightly said
    //To talk to your husband to be that you have been in other hands will create a conflict in most cases and the images of you being with other one will haunt him and he will have to go through the path of forgiveness, stay away from you or just divorce you in the worst of the cases if you are already married. Even in cases where the husband/wife forgives, the fact of not being the first ones can cause real troubles during a long time. You should think about all of this.//

    WELL coming over to Your question as asked when u proceed towards marriage with someone before u proceed to the nikah i beleive that u should say the truth to him /her ! before u develop the closeness .

    so that the things get straight. and am so so happy sister that U SAVED urself from loosing ur chastity and didn't let the shaitan win in his plan. Keep urself busy in dhikr, remembrance of Allah swt ,and try to come over here to makkah and perfrom umrah inshallah .

    At the end Allah will forgive sins even if its like foam in the sea APART FROM SHIRK.

    Subhan Allahi wa bi hamdihi” means that Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) is pure of defects and praise belongs to Him alone.

  4. why does this sister need a std test when there was no sex involved all the guy did was pull her top. She has nothing to prove to anyone. I don't think you should tell him because that is in the past and people shouldn't dwell on the past sometimes it can create more problems for girls than boys. How can you be sure the husband to be of yours isn't pure either and he isn't lying to you. You are still very young, improve on your deen and continue to stay strong in your imaan. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is not perfect we has humans have to find our own way into life and the sooner one correct themselves is enough to allah to see it no one else has a right to judge you.

    I wish you the best

    • As salamu alaykum, sister Samina,

      I am preventing her and others that can be reading this, as you know this kind of question is done by many, the shirt episode was the impulse to abandone the relationship, but she says other things happened, maybe nothing, but better if she is prevented and knows about it. That was my thought when I wrote about it after reading her words.

      María Editor

      • Just one more thing, an STD test after having a relationship where sex is involved is not to prove anything to anyone, it is a personal responsibility because we can be risking others health. To contract an STD when can be avoided I think it is a nonsense and I am afraid many people don´t think about it and blind by "love" just trust, when our health it is at risk we should have a cold head and don´t feel any offense if anyone ask us to do it or to ask the others to do it. After all that I have read in this site, Alhamdulillah, I have open my mind and senses to it, too much suffering that can be avoided just having a test done.

        María Editor

  5. Yes indeed never proclaim your sins to anyone!

    Allah will hide them for you on the day of judgement.

    im a man - my wife were to say something like that to me - would shatter me! Men are very different to women.

  6. sister you've come to a realisation what you did is a sin all you need to do now is repent
    you don't need to tell your husband or future husband what you did but its worth mentioning to the person
    that your about to marry

    that you were once in a relationship but later you realised what you did was wrong and you came back to the deen and you didn't have sex

    so you don't need to tell him about the other things you did just tell him that you didn't do anything unlawful.

    Another thing sister don't put yourself down their are Muslim men/boys and women/girls who have taken the wrong path and later realised what they did was wrong and came back to the right path

  7. Sister mimi1698,

    Please do not ever and ever disclose your sin to anyone!!! It is your sin and yours only and must be kept between you and Allah (swt) only. Don't ever reveal it your husband, even if he be amongst the best of Muslims.

    Sister, you need to move on... Repent to Allah (swt) and don't ever let any guy come close to you in conversation as well as physical, apart from your future husband, inshaAllah...become better a Muslimah... educate yourself in deen and secular knowledge, get a decent job and stand up on your own two feet...

    Takecare loads,

  8. Feeling guilty and angry for oneself and meeting a future husband who help to change to be a better person, Should one have to confess to the future husband about this sin? but there's also a post which mention not to say anything cause its between one and Allah. but the bad feeling of not telling isit fair to him? Even after marriage too since he trust one so much and even mention about his past though his past is not as bad as one's past? how!?

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