Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I file for divorce or keep this marriage?

Husband is going astray

Aoa, I am married for 10 years with 2 kids. My husband left me and my kids and married a girl 10 years younger than me. He makes no contact with me or kids and we have no relationship for almost 13 months now. He doesn't give me a penny towards kids expenses. He doesn't give divorce either. What is the basis of this marriage as per Islam? Do I have the right to get khulla on the grounds of no sexual relationships. I am young and urge to have a love relationship. But I can't do it outside my marriage as its haram and my own husband has no Interest in my or my kids.

shao

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7 Responses »

  1. Asslam o allaikum
    firstly may allah help you to get through this predicament.
    Talking from personal experience yes you should go for khula before its too late try to contact him and sort it outsude the courts if no progress go for khula

  2. Salaam sister sorry to hear about the situation your in. Your husbands behaviour is selfish And cruel !!! The short answer is yes you can file for divorce and obtain a khula and move on with someone who will treat you well inshaAllah. Why won't your husband divorce you? He needs to either treat both wives fairly and give you equal rights or let you go respectfully so that you can have a better life without him. The way he is behaving is disgusting and sinful. It's just making me feel angry towards him!! Do your family know about the situation? If so Pls get them involved too. May Allah SWT make this easy for you, ameen.

  3. AsSalaam 'alaikum sister,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your sufferings, and I pray that Allah will ease them for you and your children.

    Khul'a is when you request for a divorce for your own personal reasons. It doesn't matter whether you have strong or weak grounds, and you don't even need to make your reasons known while filling for it--this is your Islamic right and can't be denied by your husband or anyone. Though, this requires returning of the mahr your husband offered you.

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    However, in your case, you don't need a divorce by khul'a, rather you need a divorce by "faskh" (i.e. annulment). The grounds you mentioned (i.e. The lack of financial, emotional, and sexual support) are enough to request for a divorce through this annulment or faskh, from the court.

    May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala be with you, and may He ease for you, the task of taking care of your children. Ameen.

    • Salam Brother,

      I'm confused about what you said regarding khula. That a women can ask for khula for personal reasons? I always heard that a women asking for khula for no valid sharia reason( Adultry, no financial support, phisical support or domestic violence or husband turns away from Islam) will not smell the fragrance of Jannat? That's why many women are reluctant to divorce and suffer in a horrible marriage assuming it may not be a valid reason!.

      So are you saying the personal reasons can be anything? Such as do not find the husband attractive anymore, fell out of love? Husband is verbally abusive etc etc?

      • Wa 'alaikum as-salaam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh sister Sumaira,

        Yes. A woman can ask for divorce by khul'a for her own personal good reasons. Her reasons should be real sharia reasons. However, those reasons could be either strong or weak when compared to the other sides of the husband in general, such as his deen and good character, in addition to his good financial and emotional support for his wife. For example, a good Muslim husband could be very good at providing emotional and financial support for his wife, yet, the wife may find real natural issues that could not be changed. In this case, if they are issues that the wife is certain that she can't really bear or compromise (knowing that they are affecting her being and deen), then she can seek for divorce by khul'a, and she doesn't need to mention why (the most important thing is for her to be certain that her reasons are valid, and that she made the decision rationally, and not emotionally). Another example is polygamy. If the wife is certain that she can't bear or compromise on being in such a marriage, then she can seek for divorce by khul'a. However, if it is within her capability to bear or compromise on those issues, then it's better for her to do so and rely on Allah, because Islam does not encourage divorce except where necessary.

        However, falling out of love (i.e. not finding the husband attractive anymore), can't be considered as a valid reason, because that is naturally expected to happen in a marital home sometimes, and the solution to it is to use the compassion side of the love to revive the attraction side of the love--the issue of lack of attraction or compatibility should be addressed before the marriage take place. Though if there was a valid sharia issue that led to the lack of attraction, such as abuse, then that (i.e. the abuse) is what needs to be focused on when seeking for divorce (not the lack of attraction), and the type of divorce in this case is by "faskh" not by "khul'a".

        Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

        ''The wife of Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! I do not blame Thabit for any defects in his character or his deen, but I am afraid that I (being a Muslim) may become unthankful for Allah's Blessings." On that, Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said (to her), 'Will you return his garden to him?" She said, "Yes." So she returned his garden to him and the Prophet (ﷺ) told him to divorce her (by khul'a).''

        (Bukhari)

        Hope this helps inshaAllah, and Allah knows best.

  4. Asslam o allaikum
    sister sumaira iam not scholar or anything but according to my little knowledge yes fallen out of love or verbal abuse are the valid reasons to apply for khula.

    • Verbal abuse can be a valid reason for divorce, yes. "Falling out of love", however, is a vague term that doesn't communicate anything concrete. If couples are not feeling a sense of attachment or love, they should try couples counseling, and seek ways to strengthen the bond between them. By treating each other with kindness and generosity of spirit, they can rekindle that feeling of love. Even in the case of verbal abuse, anger management therapy can help.

      Anyway, the original poster did not complain of these causes and her case is quite different. Her husband has abandoned her and the family personally and financially, which is clearly cause for khulah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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