Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I forget him after he used and took my virginity?

Secret relationships are a bad idea

Not that I'm in the habit of taking advice from church billboards, but in this case they have a point. Secret relationships are always a mistake.

Assalam O Alaikum,

I am 19 years old when I start dating a guy and I have made up my mind not to have any sex with him, because I have promised ALLAH that whoever deflower me I would marry him. Unfortunately, he raped me after some time, I made up my mind to stay with him and guide him to the way of Allah and his messenger. I thanked GOD, he changed. One day he told me that he is no longer be interested in dating again. I was confused, I asked GOD for forgiveness and I can't do without thinking of him.

Please, I need your help. Should I forget about him?

Sister in Islam.

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3 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Quite honestly sister, I would let him go not only because he has clearly moved on from you, but because he had no respect for you to begin with if he pressured you into sex or even outright raped you. I have a pretty big tolerance for people doing the wrong thing, but it's really hard for me to understand how you could even consider being in any contact with someone who would've done that to you.

    I want to take this time to remind you that there is no dating in Islam, such relationships are haraam and these regrettable experiences are the reason why. You need to make tawbah and repent for even getting involved with this guy from the beginning, which arguably led to all the consequences you are now trying to deal with. If you find it hard to let go of this person emotionally, it may help to work through everything with a counselor.

    Going forward, only consider a guy to be a part of your life in the context of marriage. If you find anyone who captures your interest in that regard, instead of dating them you should direct them to your parents to offer a formal proposal, and then get to know him under their chaperoning. Trust me, it's a foolproof method, and you won't ever have to worry about obnoxious or selfish men taking advantage of you, or having regrets such as this one.

    -Amy Editor

  2. clearly he used you. Why you started dating with him? you only created problem for yourself, by doing all these worst activities.... firstly be like a human. dont do these haram activities. best of luck for future.

  3. sister u have comitted haraam these is the reason why allah has banned dating for muslim men and women bcoz u came to after dating what happned to u allah knows everything the quran verses that banned dating were written 1400yrs back but now u see what happened to i m fully with support with sarfraj why have started dating u say u belive in allah there r some many people saying that they belive in allah but they dont fellow his teachings

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