Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I forgive her and will she be a good wife



I'm in love with this girl she converted to Islam, she said she did it for me because i asked her. At the begining of this year 2011 I went to see her family in her country, where I met her family and told them about my intension's that I would like to marry their daughter.

They were very happy to meet me as I was. We met in 2009 and then I had to move after 6 months of our relationship because of my new job and she went back to middle east to her job.  And we kept in touch for like 6 months then I got so busy in my work, plus I had to travel alot because of my job.

She became Muslim this year in February 2011, I live in Canada, just last month i found out last year, when I was busy in my job and traveling, she tried contacted me but i was busy and I was not sure about my long distance relationship with her, about our future so I told her I'm seeing someone else we drifted apart.

After a while when I was not busy in my job and not traveling I went online and we started talking again after like 3 to 4 months, and we started talking again in November 2010 and we got back to our relationship from where we left off, just last month i found out while we were not talking she became friends with one of the Dr's which she liked, where she works and they started talking and chatting on facebook and she also admitted sending naked pictures of herself to him, because I found those pictures by accident.

I have those pictures as proof, when I confronted her she admitted and said sorry, she would not do something like this again and she told me reason why she did  that because I left here and we were not a couple anymore.  According to her technically she didn't hurt me because we were not together. She's telling me sorry now for the pain she caused me and she'll not do something like that ever again because she's Muslim now she also performed Umrah and now she's practicing Islam daily and reading books about Islam how to be a better Muslim woman and a Muslim wife.

Please help and make Dua for me so I can make right decision. I'm praying to Allah to guide and help me so I can make the right decision for us.


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6 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu alaykum Brother Involveman,

    We all make mistakes and sin in life. Allah gives us chances again and again to repent and turn to Him.

    May be she is going through the same phase.

    If you want to marry someone, you should get married and live your life with her.

    You do not mind meeting and then going on and off online and offline in your relationship?

    The Dr. may have lured her in to sending those pics as women seek love and are emotional about it and would get carried away by emotions. Of course it was a wrong thing to do on her part.

    If you were her husband, she should be sorry to you. Without marriage, what sorry? for what reason?

    She should be sorry only to Allah and repent to Him for the action, not you, because you are not her husband.

    You are still non mahram and she you both are not yet lawful for each other to have private-intimate relationships.

    If she is trying to be a good Muslima and you are satisfied with her efforts get married quickly.

    If you think she is not being a good Muslim, it is up to you what do you decide. It is your life, you know better than us.

    May Allah make it easy for you to decide.

    Just ask yourself what do you want? And Insha Allah you will have your answer.

    Read the Qur'an with understanding and try to do good deeds.

    Your brother.

  2. My dear Brother,

    Look within yourself and trust your gut instinct on this. Our gut instinct is usually right. Remember, this woman will be your wife, the mother of your children and your life partner. Choose wisely and do not be hasty in your decision. May Allah almighty guide you to what is best for both of you.


  3. Brother, you have no cause for complaint against this woman. As far as the pictures she sent to the Dr., she was not Muslim at that time. When she became Muslim the sin of that incident was wiped clean, as were all of her previous sins. As she said she is Muslim now and knows better.

    Also, she was not your wife at that time, and not even your girlfriend or fiance. You played games with her, first going to meet her family, then ignoring her and even lying to her that you were seeing someone else. You are lucky that she is even still willing to talk to you. Obviously she has strong feelings for you. You should be the one apologizing to her, not the other way around.

    Look at her now. Is she a good Muslim woman, learning the deen, doing her prayers? If so, then marry her properly and do not play any more games. If not, then let her go and stop your relationship with her.

    Wael Editor

  4. The best way to seek Allah's guidance in making important life's decisions is the Isteqaara. Sahabis did the isteqaara even for everyday decisions in life. If you both are right for each other , Allah makes it easy for you and if you are not then Allah knows best what is not good for you and will make it easy for you to give up.

  5. Those who marry a woman who is not religious, are the losers. That is one of the messages of the qur'aan.

    Also we are not to judge a person for their past, but judge their current character.

    Take things slowly, observe her actions and her emotions. Marriage is not something to do on a whim.
    May Allah help you and keep you on the right path.

    Your muslim brother


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