Should I leave him forever or should I convince him to marry me?
Aoa,I have been in a relation with a man since one year..we have been doing s*x ..since the very first day I have been telling him to send his parents for asking for my hand in marriage to him. However he has shown reluctance saying that he really loves me but cant' marry me because he is poor in comparison to me and that he can't spoil my whole life. I totally understand his point, but I really love him and after crossing all the limits, I feel so guilty that if we won't even get married, would this not spoil my life? would I not be disturbed after leaving him after all what we have been doing. Please anyone tell me what to do about it. He does not want to marry me and he always says that he wants me happy in future. I am really upset. I only wanted to be his wife and his respect. I know i am very sinful and also knowing that he is not very rich, but he is employed and i always tell him that my love and support will make him more successful and we will live happily, but he gives the same answer. I don't know what to do. I am really upset and mentally tortured when I think of him and our relation. This was not what I wanted. Should I leave him forever or should I convince him to marry me ? :'( I have lost my focus over everything and I am sad almost all the time, I feel that I would never be able to trust anyone and that I cant marry another man since I have been having s*x with someone else. I am suffering through great mental pain.
LALA
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Dear sister,
Ask for Allah's forgiveness and do not engage in illicit intimage relationship with him Anymore until he makes you his wife.
Note that a woman should Never have to convince a man to marry her. Don't lower yourself to that.
Put your trust in Allah. If it is not meant to be with this man, Allah will give you a better one, who knows your value and will try convince you to marry him.
Stop seeing this man. Give him an ultimatum to meet with your wali and ask you in marriage.
Money has never been an issue. Allah is the most generous.
All the best,
OP: However he has shown reluctance saying that he really loves me but cant' marry me because he is poor in comparison
Did he become poor suddenly? Being poor is just an excuse. He just used you for sex. Time to move on. Next time marry first before you have sex.
If you have to convince someone to marry you, then they are not the right person to marry. Marriage is not a restaurant menu, and you are not the restaurant waiter trying to convince your diner to try out the House Specials on the menu. Marriage is a serious thing, and it will only work if both parties entering it enter it out of own free choice, willingly. No conviction needed. Basically, if this guy wanted to marry you, he would have asked you by now. He's clearly reluctant, which means he doesn't want to marry you. Accept that and move on with your life - without him.
All of the questions you ask in your post...why didn't you ask yourself these questions before you had sex with a man you aren't married to? It's rather odd to me that people like you only ever use their brain AFTER they have done something wrong. Ideally, you think before you act, not after - you know what I mean?
Anyway, you had sex with him...accept you made this mistake, and don't do it again. You are not the first or the last one to have sex with someone they aren't supposed to have sex with. You can't change what's done, so it's best to focus on now and the future. Cut this man out of your life, and remember this important lesson you have learned through your relationship with him. Remember that having sex with men, doesn't = they want to marry you.
Well said Melissa....
U being rich and him poor. Now refusing to marry u for such a stupit reason clearly shows he used u for "sex" and may be mony!!! now tht Hes done and ur trying to make him marry u hes showing his true colors. Didnt he know his n ur staute before having "sex" with u????? How come u let him even touch u since "the very first day"??? Were u that crazy for sex??? U shoudve got marry him not sex. Anywyas. U better leave him. Hes not willing to marry u nor he loves u so move on and learn from ur mistakes. Respact ur body and ur self and let him go.
What?? Do you know the punishment when you pass away and on the day of judgement were you will be....Unless you change your life 4 good you will be forgiven ..IMAN is very important...in short those who chose a life of fun games and disobey Allah commandments and teachings of prophet Muhammad S.a.w will never be blessed in this world ...you will face hardship stress and problem after problems because of disobedience. .the Muslim world is far away from the way the early generation of piety and fear of Allah..That's why no muslims today own any country except being a puppet to the new world order..This world is only created to test the humanbeings ..Halal and haram must be observed praying 5 times a day is compulsary fasting in the month of Ramadan. ...Do you think we were created like animals....you must understand your purpose and that will solve all problems..Most of all there is an enemy swore to take you to he'll. ...that's shaitan 24/7 trying to keep you away from remembering Allah..because can not come near when the heart is fill with rememberance of Allah. So don't look back and move forward .learn silence.For silence will give you wisdom...
He used do for his lust. Now he will not marry you in any case. That's why Islam ask for pardah. A man's nature is to reveal the hidden things where he will find something interesting. Now you have no charm for him.
Say Astaghfar, don't do it again
Ask your parents to get you marry with someone of their choice. This will make your parents happy as well and also helps you out from depression you are in.
Allah will help you