Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I leave?

multi tasking woman


please could someone give me some advice. I got married nearly a year ago and have faced many problems. I live with my mother in law who is divorced and my husband. Since we've got married she's given us so many problems and always tries to turn my husband against me. She puts doubts in his head and it would then mean he would be verbally abusive and swear at me saying things that mentally affects me as his temper is bad. She gets jealous when she sees my husband and me happy, especially because he's her only son. Also my mother in law used to help cook or clean the house a bit but for the past 4 months or so she leaves it all into me and if there's a bit of dust on  the shelf then she would tell my husband and I would get abused verbally by my husband again.

I suffer from anxiety and I think I've got depression from this but neither my husband nor mother in law understands, they think it's the duty of the wife. All night my husband will sit with his mum and when he comes to bed if I talk he tells me to shut up but when he's with his mum he's happily talking. I've given him all my money as he always runs out even though he gets paid more but I've still never been appreciated.

I work a stressful job plus come home to clean and cook then I sleep at 11 or 12 and wake up half six tired, I contribute to the house and do everything to make them happy but his mum is constantly talking bad about me and blaming me for things such as stealing money from my husband which is obviously putting my marriage at risk and is untrue. I've never taken any money from him, I support myself and give him most of my money and contribute to the house.

My husband is totally on his mum's side and doesn't care about the effect on me. I need some advice, should I leave this place? To them I am a cleaner and cook nothing else. I don't get time to rest or watch tv or anything and his mum is always sat in front of  the tv or playing games on her phone and does nothing. She's nearly 50 and I'm not even 25.  If I did that I'd get shouted at. I have even got her family involved before and we have had meetings which included just her family and then after 4 meetings it got to the point where I was going to leave and so they got my family involved as well but even then this woman is not changing. I'm going crazy, please give me some advice.


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3 Responses »

  1. I think you should get your family involved and set the rules. The way to make them realize the best thing they have now is to take it away from them. And that best thing is you.

    In my opinion, you should leave, ASAP, and invite them to your family home to discuss this and the way forward. This is relatively less complex as you have not mentioned kids yet.

    If this does not work then stay at your parents home.

    Allah knows best.


  2. The first step, I think, is that you should stop giving this family all of your money. Keep your earnings and start saving it. If your husband then tries to terminate the marriage, then you know exactly why he married you.

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    If you were unemployed, this still wouldn't be acceptable for your mother in law and husband to treat you this way. The fact that you are the one earning to support yourself and the household only to be mistreated makes no sense. If you were unmarried and supporting yourself and came home to be alone, compared to this, sounds like a better life. So the question becomes, what is making you stay in this marriage or at least in this situation? Write down the things that are making you miserable and a list of things that have benefitted you. Analyze these lists and figure out if this marriage is worth it.

    Based on what you have said already, I agree with the above that you should stop contributing financially to the household, start taking care of yourself, do only what you can and stop doing things that are not reasonable. In other words, beyond your obligations, do not go overboard. From there, you will be able to see what happens to help you figure out if this is worth it. You can offer your husband a chance to make things right and go to counselling with you--if he refuses, you need to let him know that you also must take steps to take care of yourself (like not acting like a maid and wife in one or tolerating verbal abuse).

    A choice has to be made.

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties, Ameen.

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