Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I mention this when looking for a husband?

islamic guide

Naturally I have developed fetishes and things I would want to try sexually. I am quite young now, but in a few years my parents will start looking for a husband for me. I just have worries about marriage and my future sexual relationship with my husband. Should I mention my fetishes before marriage? And if so, how would I bring it up? I am so scared I will end up marrying someone who finds my fetishes weird or disturbing and is unwilling to try them, and I may be stuck in a marriage where I am sexually unsatisfied. Any advice for me?


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11 Responses »

  1. assalamualaikum sister. Don't worry, this thought is nothing but from shaitan. And please don't ever I mean don't ever tell any man your desire or fetish before marriage. from a man point of view don't please. May Allah make it easy for you Ameen.

  2. Sister ,

    What i can suggest you is you see a guy before marriage many times .If you find him physically attractive then only go for marriage .Sexual satisfaction will be great if you find your husband attractive ..

    Also on top of it he needs to be a good Muslim else things will go wrong ..

    Everything comes with a coast .Like good looking/men women have chances of having multiple partners compare to less good looking .

    Marriage will be a big decision . If you find your husband attractive but if turns out to be bad person then you will start hating the same personality ..So definitely sexual satisfaction is one important factor but not the only one factor in the marriage ...May Allah bless you good husband ...

  3. I don't think your ideas are "from the shaytan". I think they're completely understandable and everyone has concerns about compatibility of future spouses.

    I'd say, first, use your common sense. Think to yourself, "are my fetishes very extreme? What are the chances he will not be interested? Do any of my fetishes have roots or connections to negative past experiences in my life (abuse, rape, etc.)?"
    If you think your fetishes are not unreasonable, I'd say the second important thing is to figure out if you're in a position to have any control over your future marriage. "Will my parents make life very hard for me, if I refuse someone who approaches me, which I get a bad feeling about, or have no attraction to? Can I communicate an interest in someone, to the people who will be helping arrange a marriage?" It's important that if you don't feel a connection with someone, you can tell those who play a strong role in finding you a spouse. If you do not have this power, then the odds are against you that the person chosen for you will be a perfect match. Exercise your power over who you marry if you have any, and trust your guts if you get a good or bad feeling about someone. If they seem dry, too conservative, not playful or adventurous and if they don't seem kind and patient as well as not abusive or sadistic, move on. You don't want to excite a man who finds himself in a position over a woman and abuses his position at that moment.

    Miss Moose

    • Moose, I edited your comment because I felt that most of the second half was inappropriate for this website.

      Wael Editor

  4. Depends what your fetishes are, if their not haram or disturbing eg where your causing harm to the other person or yourself then it's something you can discuss after marriage. Before marriage you need to feel some kind of physical attraction towards your husband to be, but you need to stay within limits which means no discussion about sex etc prior to the marrisge. It's natural for everyone to have desires and thoughts about how they want their intimate relationship to be, and it's something that the couple can discuss after marriage when your both halal for each other. You can be open with your husband after marriage and both of you can explore ways in which you can satisfy each other.

    • Sister ,

      In arranged marriages first they will have a look at the picture and then they will have a brief look at girl/boy before marriage or a very brief meet in hijab . Also just to be within limits they try to avoid meeting together .

      When they get married then only they comes to know what a blunder they have committed .

      I think its always better to get a idea about physical attributes before marriage at least they will get physical satisfaction in halal way afterword .I think frequent looks without crossing boundaries might give an idea .

      • It doesn't matter, just by looking at a person usually it's enough to know whether your attracted or not, you don't need to cross the boundaries of Islam to determine this.

  5. Slms
    Its normal to such feelings.
    Just make sure it does not go against the laws and rules of Islam and you'll be fine
    Hope this helps

  6. Slms
    Its normal to have such feelings.
    Just make sure it does not go against the laws and rules of Islam and you'll be fine
    Hope this helps

    • what kind of fetish that is considered haram and disturbing in islam? if my husband has a fetish of short hair (pixie, undercut, chin-cut hair), is it okay?

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