Should I listen to my parents and never contact him?
asalam o alaikum,
I'm a 18 year old girl, and I was in a relationship with a guy who lives in another country since november last year and since then everything was fine. Actually we hadn't met anytime, he was my senior in my school but we didn't hav any contact or never knew each other in school but then one fine day we became friends on facebook and after talking with him and chatting with him, we actually fell for each other and since then. We were very close to each other.
But then after 6 months of our relationshp my parents caught me with his messages in my inbox and they were on the verge of throwing me out of the house. We really loved each other a lot but then when all this happened with me, I just wrote him a last messaging saying not to send me any mail futher and I'm ending my relationshp with him. My mom never believed me when I told her I really loved him and then I came to know that hes asking all my friends about me and enquiring about me. Hence I told all my friends to block him, and then he did this crazy thing by creating another account by my name and messaging me there like he used to do earlier.
I had promised my mom that I will never keep any contact with him, but now after 3 months I just realised how many messages he's sending me and how much he loves me.
I had gotten over everything earlier and moved on with my life by asking forgiveness from Allah, but now life has bought me in such a situation when this guy is ready to wait for me his entire life and I'm unable to tell him anything, I broke my promise just to tell him to forget me and move on because my parents wont agree for our marriage
as we both are muslims but he's from another state and im from another in the same country.
I just dont understand what to do now. How to make him understand that I can't be with him as my parents wont agree. He's just impossible and very stubborn to understand me.
He says he will be praying for us till death and says we still have hope as in every dua he mentions about us with tears and never forgets to beg Allah just for letting us be together.
Please help me with this. I am unable to understand.
What is right and what is wrong?
Should I be with my parents and never contact him ever, or be wid the hope of Allah that he can be my future..please help!
-Ruh
4 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaam Ruh.
Hope for the best, expect the worst. The worst thing you can do is live in hope for him. What is for sure is that it is wrong for you to be in such a relationship with a non-mahram. So Islamically you cannot contact him again. Also by secretly contacting him you risk your relationship with your parents. Of course throwing you out is ridiculously extreme but they are still your parents. Also if they find out you have been going behind their backs it will break the trust and they may never let you marry him or another brother of your choice in future (God forbid.) You will have to win back their trust and prove you are responsible. Cut contact, make tawbah and turn to Allah swt. Work to increase your eman. If you dont pray, start praying your fardh salat.
If you know that your parents will never agree and you can never marry him, you know that even if you stuck together. The day will come one day you have to part ways. And the longer you are together, the more it will hurt.
Also you dont know when Allah swt will take your soul so make amends dear sister.
Do not worry too much about this guy - I know you feel bad but continuing explaining yourself and talking/consoling him is not going to help him or you move on. He will ask why and want more explanations but when your hurt no amount of explaining will give you closure. He will continue question why all the time. That is the nature of heartbreak. The only way for him to heal is time away from you.
So send him a firm message. Be kind and explain that do not want to commit haraam and go against your mother and father. They will not agree to marriage and it will only hurt more if you continue. So you are left with no choice. Wish him the best, send and change your details. Do not allow him to contact you. If Allah swt wishes for you two to be together (in a halal way) nothing will keep you from marriage and if He does not wish that then nothing will bring you togther (in marriage) no matter how much you try. It is not good for him to pray to be with you, but its up to him. He will move on in time InshaAllah - just right now the feelings are raw. If you
If you believe a part of your parents may eventually accept give him the opportunity to speak to your parents to ask for your hand at a later date. This is only if you feel it is possible.
Also please be aware that people online can easily lie and impersonate others. So please stay safe online and dont give out contact details or identifiable info.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ok so this guy will wait for u his entire life
Is he kidding , i mean u only know him on FB and anyone can become a romeo n julite on social site
U dont know him personal , n how can u trust someone by his words on FB
One rude advice , let him wait for u all his life u try 2 move on from nowonwards
Now chill
Dear Ruh
I agree with Sara you need to be honest and be firm don't lead each other on you only hurt one another. Your parents are right and they are only protecting you from going onto the wrong path . Please listen to them they know whats best for you even if you don't like what they asking of you believe you me inshallah as time goes on you will see. You are very young, trusting and naive, do not fall into this trap and be aware dangers of online chatting. If you are serious of wanting to marry this guy then ask him to come to your parents house for hand in marriage with his parents. If this don't happen then you know this guy is not worth wasting anymore time on and he is lying to you of false promises he was never going to keep. If hand in marriage comes parents agree or don't agree at least you been honest and open rather than disobeying them behind their backs. I hope this helps
dear ruh
you are a sweet girl,girl are always soft hearted ,dear you will find many persons online who say that if he dont come to your house with parents let the fake person go ,stay blessed.