Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I Pray to Allah to take my revenge from someone who hurt me?

"Can I ask Allah to have my revenge on him?"

"Can I ask Allah to have my revenge on him?"

Salaam

I am  33 year old single women, i am living with my father and his 2nd wife, my father is atheist person , and his wife always gives me mental torture.

I am always living in a depressing condition where I have not found any solution of my problems, whenever I prayed in the home my father would always taunt me and always say wrong to Islam, prophets, Allah each and everything. As i earlier informed that he is an atheist.

In this condition where I don't have anything for a solution, they are not even finding me any rishta to marry, not even supporting me financially or morally. I am a working lady living a very depressive life. My female friend's colleague provided me one of his male friend on facebook and she told me that maybe  through this way you can get your soul mate. I was not agreeing for that because I  know it's a cheater's world and no one can marry like this.

Anyway one man come to my life. I ignored him a lot, I always fight with him and never trust on his words but always he convinced me that he will marry me. I asked him thousands of questions to confirm whether he will marry me in that way, I told him my each and every problem in my situation, he made lots of promises to marry me etc etc. After a few months and after receiving confirmation thousands of time i started to trust on him, but after sometime I used to make excuses etc etc. He used to say to me that his mother will not be agreeing, so my question to him was that if his mother was not agreeing then what were the reasons? He convinced me thousands of time to remove my all problems.

I used to cry. My heart aches a lot. I went in a severe depression - the person who promised me that he will never leave me, he will remove all my problems, is now saying me that he can only marry me without involving his parents which i refused. He is a cheater person - now he is going to marry with another girl.

I hate him a lot now and I never want him to be back but I want my justice.

He played with me, he made lots of promises like he will remove all my problems and then he will do this - this thing to me. I am too poor lady - not even with my own house - my step-mother always told me that she will throw me out if my father died, but at this situation I had no option only to trust on this guy , though I tested him a lot and asked him confirmation thousands of time..

1) What does Islam say for a girl who is like orphan who has no one to find purposal for her? I have a father but only in documents; he is an atheist father who even tried to seduced me also. What a girl can do in that situation except to trust a person who is cheater? I had no option, that's the reason I talked to that guy in a hope that maybe he will marry me, but now my heart is aching.

So can I say Allah to take my revenge from him? Can I say that to Allah for a man for hurting me and using me emotionally? I can never forget him and I don't want him to be back to me ever, but I want Allah to take my revenge from him, so could I say that? Should I say that type of dua for him?

sadia2315

please avoid my english grammar and spelling mistakes. and revert as soon as possible.

Regards

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29 Responses »

  1. Salam Sadia,

    I have to say I really feel for you. May Allah be with you and help you solve your problems.
    It is a sad situation but you need to be strong!!! Allah will rewarf you as for the people that have wronged you (your family and the man you talking about). Allah does not take revenge but you can put the matter between the hands of Allah and say: "Hass Byaa Allah wa Na'mel Wakeel".

    What you need to do sister is get out of your depression state and focus on keeping up your strength for Islam.

    I know there are not lots of serious man out there, but if you want to get married, you can contact your local mosque and e plain your situation, there are lots of serious, down to earth, god fearing man that are always looking to find a decent muslima sister. Your Imam should help.

    May Allah help you and resolve your problems. Be strong as you clearly are a brave woman.

    Salam sister

  2. You should check matrimonial websites. If you live in Western country, you may find a good guy willing to immigrate. One can find a good man or woman any where.

    Even people who do love marriages or arranged marriages have problems.

    Your father and you have different beliefs about religion, so you both should let each other practice your belief they way you both want. Your father and step mother let you stay with them.

    Next time you meet a man, don't get close till you meet his family and get married. It seems like the guy you met just wanted to use. If he knew his mother will not agree why he made friendship with you.

    • I strongly advise her NOT to meet up with guys even if she is alone, this is for her own PROTECTION! DO NOT TRUST ANY MAN BEFORE MARRIAGE.

  3. Dear sister ,

    It is very sad to know your condition .May Allah help you .Allah test everyone with difficulties and in your case you have a very difficult test compare to lot of other Muslims and definitely Allah will reward you more compare to others if you pass the test .The more difficult is the test in this world the more easy evaluation on the day of judgement .Never loose the hope .
    Never trust matrimonial sites .Majority of them don't give the correct picture and there is lot of Fake stuff behind it .
    Get involved with some Deeni group .Make friendship with female muslim group who are involved in deeni activities .Tell them your problem and insha allah some positive thing will come out .
    Please note that Islam doesn't allow Boy Friend /Girl Friend relationship and getting involved with some boy before marriage is not allowed .
    May Allah removes all of your sufferings and bless you .Holy month of ramdan is starting and golden chance for us to earn more rewards .Ramdan Kareeem .

    Allah hafiz

  4. Sister trust in Allah and leave everything to Allah its in his hands. I feel your pain and know what you are going through.

    I strongly advise you from my own experience please do not start looking for a guy even on a dating site or facebook. Stay far away you will open can of worms for yourself and IT IS NOT SAFE FOR A WOMEN.

    There are so many liars out there who give girls sob stories this makes it easy for us to be targeted and because we are naturally emotional some men can see this and want to take advantage. Trust me I have had a shocking experience myself where SOME guys don't want to marry a girl but use her before marriage and they see no problem with that even though it is HARAAM PATH. It is a shame this is becoming the norm and I strongly feel BAD IS SPREADING BUT THE GOOD IS LACKING AND NOT APPRECIATED.

    I STRONGLY SUGGEST to you is go get a job, financially secure yourself anything to better yourself for your future but also to get far away from your step mum. May Allah help you and heal your pain inshAllah giving you sabr.

  5. Assalam alaikum and Ramadhan Karim,

    Judging that English is not your first language you are perhaps not from the West and your options may be limited where you live.

    First you need to get away from your atheist father and evil step mom. They are constantly bringing you down and will only make you end up doing something that is no good for you. You have already done this because in your desperation to get away from them you came across this lowlife man via facebook. I do not recommend facebook as it mostly serves evil purposes.

    Do you have any other family members? What happened to your own mom or are there any brothers and sisters? Grandparents? You need to at least have family members who are good for you and most importantly who are Muslim.

    Forget about this man. As you have to partly blame yourself for putting yourself in a position for him to hurt you. Do not waste time asking Allah to harm him, it is not right for you to do so. Allah punishes us all for the wrongs we have done at a time appointed by Allah alone. Instead make dua for yourself to remain a strong Muslim and to keep away from sin.

    If you hopelessly desire something, it will never come and you will end up expecting too much from it. You will also become too impatient and this may lead to you making wrong choices.

    I recommend that you, at 33 years old make a life away from atheist father, get a good job and try to connect with Muslim groups as mentioned in the above advice. Perhaps this may lead to something better in life. If you are looking for a husband you will of course want a good Muslim man. In turn, a man of this type will want a good Muslim woman who is positive and well balanced.

    Everything has it's time and place, we just don't always know when. We can at least try to help ourselves to reach our goals as Allah will not change the condition of a person until they change it themselves . Remaining as you are and chasing ideas of marriage from fraudulent sleazy men on facebook is not the way.

    • Do not blame this person for getting their heartbroken because they trusted a predator! Have some respect

    • Salam alaikom, West is not only English speaking countries ! In France, they don’t speak English for example. Spain, Italia etc ... try to go to France looool

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  7. OP: Anyway one man come to my life. I ignored him a lot, I always fight with him and never trust on his words but always he convinced me that he will marry me....... After a few months and after receiving confirmation thousands of time i started to trust on him, but after sometime I used to make excuses etc etc. He used to say to me that his mother will not be agreeing. ..... he can only marry me without involving his parents which i refused. He is a cheater person - now he is going to marry with another girl. I hate him a lot now and I never want him to be back but I want my justice. He played with me

    He played with you because you let him do that. You also did not treat him right. I have a feeling "mother" came into picture after he got what he wanted from you.

    By hating him you are only hurting yourself and increasing your depression. Let the hate go. He lied to you big times. Marrying a lair could have given you lot of problems.

    Why would you want to marry a guy who wanted to have secret marriage with you without involving his parents and others? He may have already done this to few other women.

    Look at this way you have been saved.

    • "He played with you because you let him do that" ---that makes no sense because she already explained her situation. it was his fault convincing her that he was the one. She wasn't drowning with options here...so what she was supposed to do? its happened and she is a human.

  8. OP: I am 33 year old single women, i am living with my father and his 2nd wife, my father is atheist person , and his wife always gives me mental torture.

    Is your father a born Muslim who became an atheist? Is your step mom a Muslim too? Do you parents do anything related to Islam like fasting, going to mosque etc? Do your parents have Muslim names.

    You don't have to accept any comments made by your parents about Islam and/or about you.

    To give you an example if some one calls me "stupid". I don't go into depression and start crying. I think this poor fellow does not have enough intelligence to judge me correctly.

    You need to get involved in activities that make you feel good.

    You can try "matrimonial sites" for a match. Let me also warn you, there are lot of people on facebook, dating/matrimonial sites who are married and/or looking for sexual partners and no marriage. Yes there are married/seperated women also playing games.

  9. Dear Sister;

    Poor creature, at 33 years u poured ur heart out to a strange man, come on try to be a little more more mature.for ur years. Why should u lose ur sleep over this man and get hurt and depressed for a wrong which was committed by him and not u. He in fact wronged himself and wrath of ALLAH SWT is now after him. It will not get him far, I am sure 100%. All those years u were single because u were out looking for men. This should not be ur goal. Ur goal is to bring ALLAH SWT into ur life and divert ur attention and devotions to HIM alone.

    Life is not a bed of roses and u will meet many good and bad people. Stop thinking about revenge and leave that to ALLAH SWT. U should transform ur life around ALLAH SWT. Start saying ur five daily prayers, do lots of zikr and dua and keep fasts of this Ramadan.

    In the mean time, if u are in the west, then go to a masjid near u and meet up with sisters there. INSHALLAH they will be more than happy to help u. Where ever u are but if u are away from ALLAH SWT and HIS Deen, and rely on humans, u will get no where.

    May ALLAH SWT protect u and guide u to the right path. AMEEN.

  10. Salam im a 22 years girl whose living with her family they gave me so much pain that right now I'm at a stage to kill myself my parents turned against me there's no one left i cn call them my own I live with my mom and her sister son since hs staying here he mad life hell for me and they don't wana throw hm out of here im sick and tired of this guy living here my life's been hell since I'm born

  11. Salam, i am a romanian firl and i became a muslim 12 years ago hamdoulilah. 10 years ago i meet a man and i give him all my heart my money my feelings my trust and ppractically he ruined everything and now he is in marocco take the other one in the house of his father as a lady. I live in italy and he left me nothing. He czlled me because he wants to come back into my house. Lah ilha dihum. I don't hate him or her. I just feel sorry for both of them and i pray to Allah to forgive them because for now i can't. But i have to say that i feel calm and free now. I have 35 years old but nw I feel only 25 and i want to start living where i left my life.....10 years ago incha Allah. So don't desperate, be happy and thank Allah that helped you start thinking more seriously of Allah because he knows what we need. I want to marrie too but i am sure Allah will send my husband to me as he did sooo many miracles for me. Allah protectsnyou sister incha Allah

    • Aslamoalikum sorry to hear that some one in Italy did some thing to me .... I wish I can take my revenge but I ask Allah everyday to gave him punishment I Allah never forgave him this will be my dua all my life .... Regards

      • I am muslim. I have been in a relationship with an Egyptian boy for six years. I visited Egypt just because he put condition that he will marry me only if his parents agree. He had effects of black magic. I supported him and helped him to come out of this miserable condition. Now when my family and his family was agree.He cheated me and chose Egyptian girl for marriage. I pray for Allah to take revenge from him like he cheated me and left me half dead.

  12. I don't know what my islam says about this but all I know is that Allah is Raheem and Rehman do ask Him for better and hope for the best caz when there is no one with you Allah is. so girl do sabar InshaAllah Allah will never let go that person who cheated on you and please ask Allah forgiveness for what you have done wrong everything will be fine InshaAllah I'll always remember you in my prayers may Allah help you

  13. Dear sister, I know your pain, as I myself had gone through this kind of situation. I have also been a very religious girl since my childhood. My sister has an evil mind she was misleading my mother against my brother and father, they always fight badly, when I try to make things right between them and asked help from Allah but my sister started hurting me along with my mother. (SHAITAN' way). They always discouraged me and I have been in severe depression for 4 to 5 years of my life, my siblings were mean and diplomatic, what I did to get over it, I asked forgiveness from Allah for all my small and big sins done intentionally or unintentionally and I started focusing on my wrong deeds, what big mistake I have made was, I get angry on my mom. No matter how wrong she is we have to love her for the sake of Allah. The first thing I do is I started ignoring my moms rude and unjustified behavior. I started thinking that I should love her as its Allah's order. I did this for 1 year but my mom continued to hurt me. But one day she realized she had hurt me alot, my sister said sorry to me for her wrong behaviors right after her engagement was being broken. I learned alot how to stay strong how to give smile to someone if they are hurting u. All these things u can do only by SABAR and SHUKAR, No matter how miserable ur life is, u have to thankful to Allah. He will surely reward you. As you r a true muslim this is ur big exam as happened with me.. once I used to be a true mulimah but shaitan tried to push me into darkness through my sister and mother. Thanks to Allah who helped me. What I did every morning when I open eyes I say YA Allah madad, and Alhamdulillah for everything good thing in my life. Try this, you will definitely see improvements in ur life, I also told this to my brother who was also in a depression and was a victim of my sister, but now he is married and living a happy life. Just think that everyone around you is sinless, for this act Allah will love you.

  14. May Allah help you. Ameen

  15. What if someone has made all promises about future by keeping his hand on Quran several times i.e by oath n then trying to skip with out making any effort,i.e to.convince the family of both girl and boy for marriage?Though every thing depends upon destiny but at the same time one has to try to get something.Will he be punished for this?n also he is busy now making haram relations with many other girls

  16. Actually, people who got hurt by someone He/She can feel the real pain . It's easy for everyone to give advise or saying nice things for sufferer but difficult to give solution. Advise or nice things can be effective for a while but when broken hurt person have to face those unwanted situation again or when she / He seeing their love person with others. It makes their mind violent again and encourage Him/Her to do revenge . I am saying this because i am also a sufferer. I have come through this web when i was looking for revenge in Islamic way, But
    unfortunately Islam don't allow revenge except forgiveness. So for now I'm praying to God give me more patient and trying to keep me busy to change my situation. Same saying to my all Sisters/Brothers whose are suffering for bad heart people. I loved a girl over five years , trusted her much , did everything she said but after five years i discovered i have lost my time and money for nothing because she broken her promises. So now I'm worried about girl from social side or web but its also true many people have found their true love from web too. Unfortunately I'm not that lucky p[person.

  17. I have a father who after the death of my mom remarried...

    • liza, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, as it sounds very difficult. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  18. Walaykum wassalam,,,

    I read every comments, and every comments is just like useless and not answering what exactly u asked,

    For all those ppl i will say to them better do not comment.
    Its just like she asking which way is leading to the doctor and you telling her take this way you can find good market other telling take this way and there you can find saloon,,,, what is this...!!

    For your questions answer

    it is permissible to ask allah to take revenge behalf of you.

    And prophet Muhammad also did bad dua for Otba bin abi lahab.

    When Utaiba, son of Abu Lahab got separated from Kulsoom the daughter of the Holy Prophet, he came to him and said, “I have rejected your religion, and divorced your daughter. Neither should you have any liking for me, nor do I have any love for you”. Upon this, the Holy Prophet prayed, “O Allah! Set a dog amongst your dogs upon him (Utaiba bin Abu Lahab).” (Tibrani)

    Utaiba was later sent by his father Abu Lahab, on a mission to Syria. Whilst he slept in a field, surrounded by camels and comrades to protect him from wild animals, a lion sought him out from others and tore him apart.

    For more ur knowledge:

    The supplication of the oppressed is answered, even if he is wicked for his wickedness is only against himself.
    Source: Musnad Aḥmad 8577, Grade: Sahih

    Other...

    Mu`ath reported that the Messenger of Allah dispatched him (as governor of Yemen) and instructed him thus: “Beware of the supplication of the oppressed, for there is no barrier between it and Allah.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

    In another narration, the Prophet of Allah said: "There are three persons whose supplications are never rejected: The just leader, the fasting person when he breaks his fast, and the oppressed when he supplicates and whose supplication is raised above the clouds and the gates of heaven are opened for it, and (to whom) Allah will say: 'By My Glory! I shall assist you, even if it is after a while.'" [At-Tirmithi]

    And about promise..

    “...and fulfill the promise; Surely (every) promise shall be questioned about.” (Surah al-‘Isrā’, 17:34)

    Breaking a promise causes the anger of Allah.

    He used your time, he broke his promises, he gives you hope while you was rejecting.

    if this man oppressed you, its on you to forgive or u can ask Allah to take your revange.

    And you will see before u leaves this world

    May Allah bless you and giv u best of the best sooner.

  19. I am so sorry I thought I’m the one who is suffered the most but there are other people we don’t realise may Allah bless you with happiness after so much pain ameen and Male life easy for all of woman who r suffering

  20. Oh, dear sister..... sister, I am currently experiencing something very similar!!! This man, a devoted Muslim, promised to marry me after years of being my best friend. To be honest we were deeply in love, we spoke every day for three years, never touching and being mostly apart, physically. Long story short....after years of speaking everyday, my daughters from a previous marriage looking forward to calling him Dad, two months after he moved out from his sister's house and rented an apartment to share with me and my girls after the nikah, and wallah, SO many etceteras.... He told me that his mother would not accept me.... She actually started to turn around and be kind to me, but then his sisters insisted that she (his mother) reject me, on account of my being older and already having children. Suddenly his promise to marry me meant nothing.
    There are many poor decisions in this narrative, from all of us.... him and I and his family...all of us handled the situation in bad ways, and I should never have put my life plans, my trust, and my heart in the hands of someone before a nikkah.... We were so close, I trusted him, and for that folly, I suffer. This man who considered me his "beloved future wife", who was the best friend I ever had, who was making detailed plans of our lives together, has completely cut off contact except for rare occasions...and on those occasions he treats me as a complete stranger, and even with disdain. He is now actively pursuing another woman to marry.
    And now my heart is suffering more than I thought possible. Every day I cry out to Allah...it is 3am here and no sleep is coming.... I'm awake, making Dua, begging Allah to strengthen my heart, because I can't stand this and I hate my own weakness.
    I wish with all my heart that I had good advice for you. I wish I could have somehow saved you the anguish by telling you beforehand- don't make the mistakes I made!!!!! But since I can't, I can only tell you, sister, that maybe there's someone out here that knows your pain a little.. I will make Dua for you sister, and please make some for me? That Allah will strengthen us, that in our heartbroken states Allah is drawing us closer to him. Ill pray that we both handle our situations with dignity, reserving ourselves for someone who is willing and able to respect and adore and cherish us, reminding us of Allah, and to be as a garment to them. ( And May Allah heal our hearts....because right now the thought of any other partners is abhorrent. Just one more pain in my chest.)
    May Allah keep us strong, right-thinking, and faithful to him, and may he protect us from those who would toy with the hearts of good and loving women.

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