Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I re-marry my drug addict ex-husband?

Man smoking cigarette

I have been married for 6 years with 2 little girls. My ex-husband divorced me a year ago and since then he has been trying to get remarried to me again. We divorced because of his drug use (marijuana) and because I have been the sole provider financially since we got married. Also he kept his drug habit hidden from me until we were already married. I have been patient for 6 years and try to help him quite but the problem still persists.

I'm afraid for my daughters if I don't remarry their father and I don't see myself marrying another man because of them. Since our divorce he has been making empty promises of having a consistent job and stop his drug habit but till this day he has done neither. I'm tired of waiting and putting so much hope and energy into him changing. Please I need advice as to if I should just put up with his drug habit and not providing financially and remarry this man for the sake of my children. Everyone in my community is encouraging me to just remarry him for the sake of my children and keeps telling me I can never remarry another man and trust him with my girls.


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8 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister,

    Islamically can we remarry once the husband has issued a divorce? I think it becomes compulsory for you to marry another man and have a normal husband wife relationship with him, and only if for reasons beyond your control you end up divorced/widowed etc from that marriage you can go back to your ex husband.

    Also, there was a reason why you got divorced from your ex husband, and it was a big reason - he's into drugs, he's irresponsible, he doesn't support you financially. how could it possibly be a good thing for your girls if you were to go back to this man? Parents are supposed to be role models, children learn from their parents, do you really want your husbands behaviour to influence the minds of your two daughters? Don't you want them to have a good upbringing, where there not watching their father taking drugs, and their mother working to make ends meet because their fathers too wasted and irresponsible to do so?

    Even if you can remarry him, let him earn your trust. Before making any kind of promise, ask him to clean up - he needs to show you seriously that he has quit his drug habit, that he is coming clean. For all you know he could be begging you to go back to him for financial gain! Once he's free from his drug habit he needs to find a job and start earning, he needs to try and provide a stable environment for you and your girls to live in. He needs to show you he is responsible as a father and a husband. Do not go back to him until you see some form of effort from him, otherwise nothing will change, he'll walk all over you.

    I know your worried about your daughters, but going back to your ex husband isn't going to provide them with a father. It may even damage them even more to grow up with an unstable father who takes drugs. They may be better off without him and who knows Allah swt may bless you with a righteous spouse, who will help you raise your daughters in a peaceful environment full of emaan.

    I sincerely pray from the bottom of my heart that Allah swt guides your ex husband, and puts him on the right path, Ameen.

    • Sister don't go back to him I can tell you from personal experience you are not doing it for the sake of your kids you are doing it to help the community to help your ex cover up his problem and it will only get worse if the relationship was not violent it will do my ex use to come home after being with a prostitute take drugs wake the kids up make them watch whilst he raped me
      Your family will come round after a while but stay clear of your ex

      • Oh sister I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. What an animal. I pray with all my heart that Allah swt rewards you for the trials you faced and blesses your children with a beautiful future filled with happiness so that they completely forget the torture their devilish father put them through. May Allah swt fill your life with so much joy and fulfil all your desires for this world and the hereafter, ameen

  2. Sister,

    I have to wonder if all of these so called community members who encourage you to return to your ex husband, would have the same advice for their own daughters or loved ones? The man is a drug addict and as such should not be around you nor your daughters. God forbid if he was high and did something to harm those little girls, you would never forgive yourself because you allowed him back in your home. Your daughters do not need you to remarry their father in order to have harmony within your home nor to be happy. Besides...what good is a man who does not work and does drugs to you or your daughters? He is a liability and that is something you simply don't need. However, your daughters need you. They need a stable home environment with the love and care and support that your ex husband is unable to provide. I feel that allowing him back into your life would be the worst mistake you could ever make.

    If your husband truly wants to remarry you, he can and he will go find some help for his drug abuse. He will get a job and get himself together. If he cannot do that, then what is he worth to you? Nothing. Who needs a life filled with strife and a husband who brings nothing to the table and is strung out on drugs all the time? Your daughters don't need that and you don't either. Give your ex husband an ultimatum...get help for the drug abuse and find work. If he is able to do that, he will be in a better position to deserve a second chance with you. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

    Those who tell you that you cannot remarry are full of hot air. You can remarry if and when you are ready.


    • Assalam alaikum,

      Just asking for clarification on your last sentence. When you say remarry, you mean that the OP can remarry any *other* man if and when she is ready, correct? I think that is what you meant.

  3. Istikhrrah will help you make a right decision. But I think No. Don't worry what other ppl say. Allah is malik and He is most powerful and you pray to Him to give you a righteous spouse who will take care and protect your girls. You just have to believe. Don't be a prisoner to your community's wishes and Bad advice. You left that man for a good reason. He will always be their father and I'm sure you can arrange custody so they have you both safely in their lives.

    Fi aman Allah sister.

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    Please do not remarry a man who is full of empty promises and whose career is drugs while he lives off of you. Please don't do that.

    Also, if the both of you are officially divorced, you, in fact, can NOT remarry your previous husband--he should know that. The only way that you could remarry him is if by chance you had married someone else and that that marriage had resulted in divorce on its own with no interference.

    However, even if it were possible for you to remarry your 1st husband, I believe it is an awful idea for your daughters, for you and for him. You could carry on enabling him with this addiction and your daughters would now lose their mother in addition to their father as you cater to his lifestyle.

    It is worrisome that you are influenced by the community and would actually consider bringing this threat back to your life. I think it would be helpful for you to look at why you would consider this...are you still in love with him or in love with the idea of what he could be? Sometimes we get trapped and fall in love with an idea of who we want our spouse to be rather than who they actually are. Please do not crumble under pressure.

    May Allah ease your difficulties and replace your challenges with ease and tranquility, Ameen.

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