Should I stay married to a man I have lost all respect for?
I was married almost 2 years ago and now a mother of one. At the time of marriage my husband and in-laws spoke many lies about his education and work.
Later when I found out about the truth after marriage, it completely shattered me, as I am more educated than him. I still accepted him and tried to work out on the marriage but during this whole time he has been very abusive and disrespectful towards my family and me. He calls my parents and folks names, doesn't meet them and do not accept any invitation from them. He would degrade and refuse any gifts given to him by my family.
As a result my family has stepped out of this and doesn't call or talk to him due to their self-respect. I don't know how do I keep balance between both, as I cannot leave my parents and family.
He takes care of me and my child financially, prays five times but is dishonest and lies to me in several matters. He is also into several bad habits such as dirty abusive language, pornography, staying up with friends’ the whole night and sleeping the whole day and masturbating, even in front of me.
My husband is financially strong but all these things have taken love for him out of my heart. I had decided on separation many times before, and my parents supported me but changed my mind due to my daughter.
I am totally fed up with this life, please advise.
~ Shaista711
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AA;
It looks like he came from money, or made alot of money. Some people when they get to that point they have nothing to do! In other words, there is no goal in life. That's why some people are being tested by being poor, some are being tested by being rich. And it looks like he is of that kind.
You said he prays 5 times, so he does have a base, or at least he knows it. But it looks like he needs directions in how to deal with people, how to respect people, things he should and should not do. Many people grow up with no role model and no one teaching them and they end up like that.
I think you should try to talk to him, bring in someone to talk to him, maybe if he has a good friend, the Imam at the mosque. I think these ARE issues and they should be resolved to have a good healthy family, but I do not think divorce is the answer to these issues.
May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.
If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.
AA
Salaam, from what you wrote it seems he has fallen into the habit of 'balancing it out', which bascially means he can continue his bad habits as long as he prays to cover his own, thats a wrong thinking in itself and his treatment of you clearly indicates he is following this pattern.
money can make a man powerrich and that is like a poison, it makes him believe he can control and do what he wants as long as he has money, in other words he has developed a love of the dunya, and anticipates that providing for you financially allows him to neglect his other duties as a muslim husband, it is easy for me to write here and ask you to talk to him, but i understand you face him everyday and it is a big ask, if you have any brothers or male cousins who could talk to him, or if all other fail then the local imam you should ask them to teach him firstly self-respect, aswell as respect for others and his duties to love and care for his wife correctly, another recommendation is to encourage him to spend more time with you and your daughter, you must try and bring out his feelings and get him away from the bad habits.
Keep faith in Allah and keep praying for guidance and a harmonious marriage full of joy and happyness inshaAllah.
Salam sister Shaista711,
In the name of Allah the most gracious the most merciful.
I do understand what are you feeling right now, it happen to me 2 years ago before I declded to end my marriage. Like you I am an educated woman and I accept him (now my ex) for who and what he is. I know that he is a womanizer, smoker, like to watch pornography and never perform any shalat except on Friday but not on every Friday. He was having affairs with so many unkind women, he lied most of about everything and his mom and family supported him? Nauzubillah ... I was trapped in between their drama. Thought I could change him but Allah is all knowing.
Please read on our brother Wael's post "Ask Allah, He WILL Help You". I did that most of every day to seek guidance, to Allah I perform Shalat Hajat and Istikharah to find the answer whether to keep my marriage, to share him with other woman or to leave him for good for the sake of my kids. Alhamdulillah, Allah has showed me the answer through my dreams and lead me the way but the answer given will not always through dream, it can be anything like your strong feeling or from any source.
I also pray to Allah for him to change but then without his strong will, it will never happen. Reminds me of brother Wael's post "Conversation With Salma – “He Won’t Change”, from there we will get the message.
I was also struggling to live and to survive cause believe me that woman and her family were using black magic against me. How do I know it, well Allah has given me a 6th sense which means I can feel "it" presence and through my dream as well.
Do you know about Tasbih Sayyidina Yunus a.s.? The du'a that was recited by him when he found himself in the belly of the fish (Whale I guess). Recite it abundantly, every morning and evening and make a du'a after, InsyaAllah ... Allah will accept it. Amin.
Asalaam alaikum,
I don't know if it was your description of his habits or just that picture, but I really got a gross visualization about your problems. 🙁
Anyways, I imagine that you've already spoken endlessly to him and he is just essentially, thumbing his nose and acting like a pig with a "devil may care" attitude. So in fact, he is acting like a spoiled child and thus, I am giving my advice accordingly, which may raise a few eyebrows.
The issue becomes a "separation of the beds" as per Qur'anic instruction when the spouses are having issues of disrespect and problems such as these. The first, and this should be easy, is to not let him sleep in the same bed as you. Since he is staying up the night this shouldn't be a problem, but it also involves locking him out of the room. Go to the hardware store, get a lock and place it on your door. If you cannot do that, block it from opening somehow.
Locking him out is justifiable by him watching pornography and masturbating. However, there's another twist to the this action. Whenever you see him masturbating or watching porn, go fill a container with ice, cold water and spill it on him without warning. The second time, find a bigger glass and do the same, until either he stops or you're at the point of tossing a bucket of gallon water on him. By this, you are giving a shocking reaction to his behavior. When he complains, you'll calmly say, "No more porn. No more masturbating. If you want to act like an animal, then you're getting the ice water like the zoo animals."
This is why I want you to separate the beds and buy a lock for your room, as to prevent retaliation when you are sleeping. Needless to say, because of how he is abusing his sexuality, this means he gets no sexual contact from you at all. This is the intended consequence of not sharing the same bed, so it is per Qur'an.
You must also install a porn blocker into the ISP router. This is easy to learn and you can find really good programs to assist in this issue. I want you to create a sign or note and place it on his computer that says, "Real men don't watch porn." He'll tear it up, but place several it in various places like the fridge, his closet and the bathroom. You can also create yourself as an administrator on your computers and regulate websites that way, as well. This involves a bit of computer savvy, but it's well worth it to prevent it from entering your home. In the most extreme cases, as a last resort, smash his computer screen.
After reading this, you're thinking that "it's extreme." You're right. It's a kick in his rear that he may not expect and that's why it's effective. It makes him see himself as you see him: a slob.
When he's going out with his friends, it's the same thing: ice water. As soon as he gets ready to act like a child and neglect you, he gets splashed. If he drives a car with cloth seats, then soak the seat with water the next day. For every action that he refuses to change, he is getting treated with the same cold reality again and again.
Also, it goes without saying that his friends are not allowed in the house. If they refuse to leave, they get the water treatment, too.
When he uses bad language, this is your queue to ignore him the whole day. One bad word and silence is all he gets.
I do not recommend doing this for a long period of time, i.e. no more than 2-3 weeks. If at that time, he does not come to the realization that he must change, then this is when you move to your parent's house. However, it's important that you do the water treatment before you move out. Why? It acts the same way in your absence. He'll have to face the fact that you tried everything and that his degenerate behavior has put him alone. This is a form of 'tough love' via lonely humiliation.
Will it work? I hope so.
What happens it he decides to reform? Understand that while he may suffer a relapse in porn usage, you can minimize this and get him to stop using it completely. Yet, the sleep schedules, spending too much time with his friends and the verbal abuse is a light switch: it shuts off immediately. Make this clear to him.
Also, he will have to make amends with your family, but expect this to be slow going. He needs to apologize to them and re-establish this relationship as a good one. That will require much of your help by inviting them out to dinner, having him apologize to your father and asking your father for guidance in getting him to grow up. Forget his parents in this matter, because they raised him this way.
Also, let me point out that anything that he wears that makes him look like a child or a slob gets tossed out. He needs to become a man, behave and dress like one, though you didn't mention if this was a problem. With a little girl to raise, she requires a strong and safe male role model. As they say, "shape up or ship out."
There's a lot more I could advise, but these tactics are the first step. How he responds remains to be seen.
"Whenever you see him masturbating or watching porn, go fill a container with ice, cold water and spill it on him without warning. The second time, find a bigger glass and do the same, until either he stops or you're at the point of tossing a bucket of gallon water on him. By this, you are giving a shocking reaction to his behavior."
This is not helpfull advice at all.
Such an action will most likely cause a explosive reaction from the man in which the sister could get harmed injured in a short period of time.
" When he complains"
I dont know which program you got such hocus pocus from, because the man is not going to complain, he will certainly get hyperaggresive in such a situation, most people would.
"If he drives a car with cloth seats, then soak the seat with water the next day."
"anything that he wears that makes him look like a child or a slob gets tossed out."
Not very wise is it.
You cannot force a grown up person to change his behavior, he himself needs to see his behavior as dispicable and work to change it.
You cant change a grown up, especially in a kuffar country where a person can commit open shirk and kufr if he wants to.
The husband is a child. She has a choice to continue living with his actions or turn the tables on him through making a change in her behavior and ceasing to live with a man that openly masturbates in front of her. What you fail to see is that by playing with himself in front of her and watching porn in front of her, he is saying, "I don't need you, I don't respect you and haha, there's nothing you can do about it." It's not a sexual problem that he is experiencing like the other posters below believe, but this is his way of humiliating her further. Look at this sleeping schedule, does this guys look like he's "on it" when it comes to his life? No.
That's why I gave this advice this way. His laziness does not show a propensity for violence and she is the only to really gauge it, but what you do not understand that it's a change of her reaction. He's a lazy child, and I wouldn't have given it this way if I thought that she would be harmed. The thought that every man is some trigger happy lunatic is a bit narcissistic, but perhaps you have better insight into that if you so choose to share. Despite what some generalizations of Western living may entail, being physically violent towards a wife is not commonplace.
About getting hyperactive: it's been shown that this technique actually works and it's not some hocus pocus that you ascribe to it. When a man has his penis in his hand, is masturbating it, he is at his most vulnerable. That's why it works. It's akin to a guy getting splashed in the face with a drink and no, despite what you may think, it doesn't result in violence, but in a childlike reaction, "hey, what did you do that for?"
Her husband exhibits all the signs of a classic man-child with no discipline and it's inconceivable to think that a wife does not have the right to expect differently in this case. Of course, whatever analysis of his behavior you may have to offer is eagerly awaited if you would like to counter in turn.
Salaam,
Sister, I feel for you and would ask you to see if there is anyone that can talk tohim.However if he remains the same and does not want to change,youneed to do some soul searching and ask yourself is this a good environment for your daughter,money is not everything.
Your peace of mind , to be treated with respect and a good environment for your daughter is important. Ihope that your husband will see the error of his ways,but I have to say I have seen many women like this,some choose to stay and some leave and are fortunate to find someone else.It is not the end of the world you have a choice.
May Allah help
you make the right choice,please do istikhara as this will help and guide you.
Take Care.
Allah Hafiz.
Sister,
I have full sympathy for you But divorce is not the right option especially when you having a baby. Now it's not only the matter about yours life but yours daughter too. Don't think about yourself alone, don't be so selfish. I am sure that husband and wife will regret for the whole life if you have a impulsive divorce, especially when having a baby. As he taking good care of you and your daughter as you mentioned so you should be thankful for him. As far as his bad habits he have so I would say your Love Can Do Amazing Things!!! believe me.
If he masturbates more often, It means you do not satisfied him in the way he wants, I'm sorry but I really don't see anything wrong with a man pleasuring himself in the middle of the night even IF the wife's in bed sleeping next to him. If you catch him doing it again, reach over and help him out a bit and make love with him. NO! I'M SERIOUS!!!! When you've finished turn to him and playfully ask, "So what was that all about anyways? And LISTEN to what he has to say!!!
It’s important to respect a man and appreciate the good qualities rather pointing and complaining bad habits. it’s important to make the man feel special or valued too. Give genuine compliments not something fake or made up. Be yourself and express how you truly feel about him. Respect is so important to a man and if a woman constantly complains and takes a man for granted, it’s like saying you don’t like them for who they are. Although, men may not always have the right words or properly express themselves verbally but they get hurt too if a woman is critical and such.
No matter what kinds of word he say, it is just because of serious anger. I think, you would have involved your parents every time when conflict occurred, do remember never get your parents involved in your fight, such as either complaining or appealing grievances for your parents. The quarrel will be easily sort out between husband and wife, but it will be dragged into a big contradiction if the parents involved in the quarrel, and obviously relation between parents and your man, will be disrespectful for each other. Don't ever leave his home because of anger, in any situation otherwise it will drag him crazy, the best way is to keep silent for a while, and then after both of you calm down, any conflicts can be solved, rather you involved your family.
There's a lot of advice, about keeping a man happy in a relationship and the caring and clever woman can make it all possible. When arguments occur, do not take an air of authority, superiority, or antagonism. Listen to his points and calmly, with no sign of your inner annoyance, Instead of holding in your emotions and thoughts about your man's actions and words, just tell him calmly and not aggressively. Make him want to be around you. Have a good sense of humor, and do not complain to him about things that bother you, Become lovers, and show him you care! Hugging and kissing is amazing! 😉 - Hugging and kissing is the best way to show love with SMILE! Give him a huge hug and a kiss. It can often be stronger than words and he will love you for that. Men do like it when their women look good. You don't have to do anything drastic; get a new hairstyle every now and then and look for his reaction, Work to keep yourself in shape in every way, buy a dress if you know he likes them, and get well-dressed for him. Make him feel as if he is the only men on earth that means something to you. More often Comment on his personality hair and clothes. Listen to him for whatever he says, and kiss him a lot and he will return the favor. Talk to him a lot and it may make him happy. Talk about things he enjoys e.g. sex,food..etc.The best way to know what makes a man happy is to ask him..
When it comes to relationships, feeling respected is a huge issue for most men, Tell him you love and respect him, and that you like him. Show him that you respect him and trust him. Don't allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully, Defend him to any family member who tries to dishonor him, Compliment his efforts above his performance Seek his advice when you face challenges, Don't over commit yourself, leave some time for him. Let him know he’s important to you. Be honest with him.
Ask for his help more often. Be forgiving when he unintentionally offends you. Find ways to show him you need him. Guys need to be needed. Peel away your pride and admit your mistakes, Rub his neck and shoulders when he is stressed. Give advice in a loving way; do not in a nag him, Brag about him to other people even when he’s not there. Honor him and show your respect in front of everyone. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to, When he’s in a bad mood don’t crowd him, Work hard to get rid of habits that annoy him, Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way, Consult him before making important plans, Let him sleep in when he can. Initiate sex periodically but be responsive more often, Reserve some energy for him when he wants you sexually, Don't quarrel over words and Be kind and courteous with him, Never argue over money, Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him, spend together some time on daily basis, Patiently teach him how to demonstrate his love for you, make him proud to be seen with you. Communicate with him respectfully, Be happy and positive when he comes home, Focus your attention on what he’s doing right, Contrary to popular belief, men are not mind readers--so tell them what's going on! Punch him in the arm if it comes to that. This sort of release will make you seem far less unpredictable and moody.
Do try it once before getting a regret for lifetime.
Takecare,
Foiz
I think you may have posted your advice mistakenly to the wrong issue, as you missed some key issues:
At the time of marriage my husband and in-laws spoke many lies about his education and work.
Later when I found out about the truth after marriage, it completely shattered me, as I am more educated than him. I still accepted him and tried to work out on the marriage but during this whole time he has been very abusive and disrespectful towards my family and me. He calls my parents and folks names, doesn't meet them and do not accept any invitation from them. He would degrade and refuse any gifts given to him by my family.
As a result my family has stepped out of this and doesn't call or talk to him due to their self-respect. I don't know how do I keep balance between both, as I cannot leave my parents and family.
He takes care of me and my child financially, prays five times but is dishonest and lies to me in several matters. He is also into several bad habits such as dirty abusive language, pornography, staying up with friends’ the whole night and sleeping the whole day and masturbating, even in front of me.
My husband is financially strong but all these things have taken love for him out of my heart. I had decided on separation many times before, and my parents supported me but changed my mind due to my daughter.
I am totally fed up with this life, please advise.
So essentially, nearly everything.
He hasn't respected his wife from the get-go. He lied to her from the beginning and evidently his family is the type to support him in this. He has no respect for her family, verbally abuses her and them, decided to sexually gratify himself instead of going to her when she is present, etc., etc.
In this case, the reason why her husband chooses to masturbate in front of her is because he is too lazy to engage her, is perhaps sexually inferior to her and chooses to humiliate her by showing her that he will orgasm without her, thereby denying her satisfaction in turn. In my opinion, he does this openly as a means of vindictiveness and control. The porn usage is of the same state of mind.
You also believe that financial support should marginalize her feelings, but honestly, it's his only means of self worth she describes and why should she bear the burden of his callous behavior? Love is amazing, but he isn't giving it. I'm not sure why you lay the blame on her in this case.
You say:
This is not true and it is a sin in Islam to masturbate. Your ideas, otherwise, are contrary to how God wants us to satisfy our carnal desires, so your opinion is of little use for a Muslim, Christian of Jew in this matter.
When Dr David Delvin, a GP and family planning specialist, was asked as to why a husband masturbates, this was his clinical opinion:
He's gay.
He's got impotence (erectile dysfunction).
He has ejaculatory incompetence.
He has premature ejaculation.
His associate, Christine Webber added:
I have seen several female clients in similar situations and I'm sorry to tell you that if the man doesn't seek help, things don't tend to change. The other factor women have to consider nowadays is that such a man might well be addicted to porn.
This can be in magazines, on video, or – very commonly now – on the internet. There are a growing number of guys who find it easier to get relief in this way rather than performing with a real, live, loving woman.
Remember when the poster said her husband watched porn? It makes this diagnosis more probable than your suggestion. Though I would further add that is out of pure disrespect towards her and denying her or her conjugal rights, which is a further humiliation tactic.
You said: When it comes to relationships, feeling respected is a huge issue for most men
Why is is that you don't see this issue form her perspective at all? Everything you advise her to do is what her husband needs to hear, instead. I'm not sure why you take her to task at all. Could you elaborate as to this concern?
Islam discourages divorce
Divorce is the most hated permissible thing in the sight of Allah. It dissolves families and deprives children the family atmosphere.The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "The most hateful permissible thing (al-Halal) in the sight of Allah is divorce." (Abu Dawud, Hadith 1863, Ibn Majah, Hadith 2008).
The spouses should avoid divorce as much as possible. If they have difficulties and problems, they should be patient and forbearing. They have to try to work out their differences and seek help from their relatives, friends or professional counselors.
Due to the sacredness of the marriage contract, Islam asks both the husband and the wife to keep and respect this bond. Thus, each partner in this sacred relationship must treat the other kindly and properly. A man must not divorce his wife to bring harm upon her, as this constitutes an act that demolishes this noble establishment, breaks the woman’s heart, and possibly separates the woman from her children without any reason. Thus, the separation between a man and his wife (without just reasons) was considered one of the major and grave sins, and one of the most beloved actions of Satan, as was narrated in a number of hadiths. This is, of course, a form of oppression which is totally forbidden in Islam.
In this regard, we recall the Prophet’s hadith that reads: "Iblis (Satan) places his throne upon water, then sends his groups. The closest to him are those who (tempt people to) commit the most grievous of sins (fitnah). One of them would approach him and say: I did such-and-such. Iblis would reply: You have done nothing. Another would approach and say: I did not leave him (a man) until I caused him to leave his wife and for them to be separated. Iblis would bring him close to his throne and would say: How good you are!”
And since the husband must never divorce his wife in order to bring harm upon her without reason, it is also forbidden for a woman to ask for a divorce without a sensible reason. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband to divorce her without an acceptable reason will never smell the scent of Paradise.”
Given the above, it becomes crystal clear that neither the husband nor the wife has the right to resort to divorce without justification. Divorce should be the last resort after all attempts of reconciliation fail. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Let a believing man not dislike a believing woman. If something in her is displeasing to him, another trait may be pleasing.”
And Allah Almighty says, ".… And consort with them in kindness, for if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good." (An-Nisa'4:19)
A husband should accept reconciliation, particularly when his wife shows her wish for reform and obedience. Allah says:
"... And as for those women on whose part you fear stubbornness, (first) admonish them; then refuse to share their beds; and (finally) beat them (lightly). Then if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance); indeed, Allah is Most High, Great (34) And if you fear breach between the two of them, appoint an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family. If they desire to set things aright, Allah will bring about reconciliation between them; indeed, Allah is Knowing, Aware." (An-Nisa' 4: 34-35)
It is to be remembered that each divorce has multiple effects on their ownself (later not getting a good spouse easily, and for woman, not even remarriage at all) but also on children (who get hanged between father and mother). It may be very long or permanent division between two attached families, especially if they have multiple family bindings. May Allah give us the ability to understand the seriousness of this subject and guide us to the straight path and save us from the mischief of estranged groups who peddle misunderstandings and lessen the severity of Divorce. Ameen
It's nice that you posted hadiths, but one sticks out in particular:
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband to divorce her without an acceptable reason will never smell the scent of Paradise.”
Not fulfilling her conjugal sexual rights in the bed, openly masturbating with his hands, engaging in pornography, verbally abusing her and her parents, etc., should be the reasons applicable in her case for a separation of the beds per Qur'an and if that does not bring about some resolution, then whatever Islamic avenues she should take would be acceptable in this matter, even if it resulted in divorce.
Perusing an Islamic website, I found this advice to men who masturbate. In this case, this guy was married, and was masturbating while speaking to another woman.
5 – You have no excuse for this relationship, for you are married to a woman who – as you say – is more beautiful and is better than the first one, so why not thank Allaah for giving you a halaal means of satisfying your desires? Why are you not content with that which Allaah has decreed for you of permissible things?
Your sin in doing these haraam deeds is worse than if you were not married. You are not single, rather Allaah has blessed you with the means of satisfying your desires in a permissible way. So whenever the Shaytaan makes you think of her (the first woman), go to your wife and seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan.
I'm not sure why a few posters are overlooking this matter as a violation of a "Wife's Rights" in light of this sin her husband is committing?
Salam sister Shaista711,
It's never judicious for a wife to make a decision about hers child father. My honest advice is, Don't rush into making a decision, especially when you have a daughter.
In the early days, both husband and wife have no idea how to deal with relationship but as time passes, both starting to learn and explore each other, later they found out some bad habits as well as good of each others. Well, habits change as time passes just like in early days, infants having a habit sucking a thumb or finger in spare times but later they will leave itself no matter how hard theirs. Habits would alter as time passes and circumstances change. Keep in mind, Never take decision on habits as it will change as time passes, but on things he responsible for.
A good marriage is built on taking care of the OTHER person first. It's built on LISTENING before talking. It's built on understanding that most things are simply not worth fighting about. when it is something important, a good marriage means the couple will sit down and quietly talk out a solution to their differences. I would Suggest to learn to talk to each other gently and how to settle differences without someone 'winning' and someone 'losing.' Quite criticizing each other, even to yourselves. If you are arguing over the same thing each week, well no that isn't healthy. The truth is, arguments will never cease fire, Do everything you can to keep out these popular quotations: "You always." "You Never."
Well Sometime our arguments can get heated, but never to the point where we try to hurt each other. We allow each other time to cool down and yes, we go to bed angry at times, but we always deal with it the next day. He and I both know that even if we argue and sleep on the argument, that we love each other very much. We've argued at times when we didn't see eye-to-eye on disciplining the kids. Now we don't hand out immediate punishments, we talk in our room and decide together.
Arguing in and of itself is not a bad thing, it becomes destructive if you allow it to become a hurtful tool to attack each other with. Also, during the argument, if you are threatening to walk out, pack and move, then you are planting a seed that doesn't need to be planted. Threatening each other with things like that only divide, they do not strengthen.
You are never going to get along with someone all the time and sometimes it may seem like you will never get along with your spouse, but these are just phases. If you really think that it's changing your relationship, you need to talk it over and see what's going on. Marriage is work, from start to finish, but it's worth it, at least I think so. keep in mind that all will get easier as time passes but it just goanna take time.
May Allah help and guide you for righteous path. Ameen
Take care.
Dear Sister in Islam,
Don't ever think about Divorce. I don't think there could ever be a worse feeling in the world than getting divorced. A common problem amongst the Muslims nowadays is that they do not know the seriousness of the word ‘talaq'. They say it whenever they want without fully understanding the consequences. Talaq / divorce are strongly condemned within Islam.
It has to be remembered at this point that the Prophet has also said:
"among all the permitted acts, divorce is the most hateful to God" (Abu Dawood).
“The most hateful halal (permissible thing) to Allah is divorce.” [Surah 2:102].
It is considered one of the worst acts in Islam. It should be tried level best to reconcile the differences amongst both parties, settlement should be tried on common grounds. I remembered once a teacher told me this "it takes two hands to clap", no matter whichever relationship you involved. In case of difficulties within a marriage that the husband and wife cannot solve by themselves, each shall appoint an arbitrator or conciliator to resolve the matter.
I don't think I need to say, that we should pray 5 times a day, If you do so, read durood and Surah Ikhlas 3times in morning and in evening and then make Dua for him by heart. Don't ever look at his sin(s), do not be a judge, If he is taking care of you and your child so you should thanks to Allah because he still have chance to communicate with:
"perform As-Salat. Verily, As-Salat (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahsha' (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse, etc.) and Al-Munkar ( every kind of evil wicked deed, etc.) and the remembering of Allah is greater indeed And Allah knows what you do. (Surah Al-Anqaboot 45)
To sum up, Islam offers Muslim married couples much viable advice to save their marriages in cases of trouble and tension. If one of the partners is jeopardizing the matrimonial relationship, the other partner is advised by the Quran to do whatever possible and effective in order to save this sacred bond.
Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions. And the righteous women are the truly devout ones, who guard the intimacy which God has (ordained to be) guarded. (surah 4:34)
Everything will be settle as time passes and one day by the grace of allah you will find him one of a nice loving person who will surely make you feel proud. Insha.allah.
Allah hafiz
If one of the partners is jeopardizing the matrimonial relationship, the other partner is advised by the Quran to do whatever possible and effective in order to save this sacred bond.
And Khaled - if the above does not work, which in many cases it does not, divorce is permitted. And sometimes, one partner makes things so difficult, that the other no longer has the heart to try. It is halaal for a reason.
SisterZ
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