Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I stay or leave?

A Muslim family

We look happy on the outside, but things are very wrong underneath...

Assalamualaikum I am Russian married to Muslim man in Singapore. I have a very unhappy marriage. For most of my marriage, I struggled with one decision: stay or leave. (But nowhere to go). To outsiders, my husband and I appeared to be the perfect couple. We were young and healthy. We have 3 beautiful kids. Now I'm 34 year old with 3 kids trying for divorce, but I really don't know where and how to start. I have no PR, no job, no money. What will happen to me and kids in Singapore without PR? I still don't know if this a good idea for me to leave my husband. But if I stay my life is sad and unhappy. I need some advice, I'm lost.


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8 Responses »

  1. Why are you unhappy?

  2. you didnt tell us why you are unhappy???what does your husband do to you??? you need to tell us so we can help!!!

  3. I wouldn't advise you to rush to divorce ; to start with your unemployed and you have three kids - most people assume divorce is a simple issue to be taken lightly; if you can try to make your marriage work it would be better for you and your children. Have you considered counselling? going through divorce its a really painful experience -it would be hardest thing you can go through in life. Marriage is commitment between two people; and once their children involved it becames even harder.

    Think about it seriously, how are you planning to look after three kids with no job? think through things first... never rush into something you have no idea about. If I cant change your mind then kindly save some money first for at least a year, and try to find work before asking for divorce. Think of your children's welfare first. Never make decisions on emotions your children will be the biggest victim of your quick emotions... they will suffer in the end not your husband. Your husband will move on and remarry.

  4. Dear Sister,

    Please tell us why you are unhappy. Unless you tell us why you are unhappy we can't help you to sort out your problems.

    Keep making lots of dua to give you happiness in your marriage.

    May Allah bless your family with lots of happiness.

    • Hi

      i am very worried and in tension about my husband behavior..we recently got married...he doesnt pick up my calls or call me ...when he gets angry at anything he doesnt pick my calls and doesnt contact me or reply me...and he doesnt come home for days if he is angry...he demanded me to give him money and if i dint have money, he gets angry and doesnt talk to me for weeks...i am financially independent my husband doesnt give me any money..and he doesnt want to live with me until he gets his field job..i told him we can manage easily and live together but he doesnt want to live with me yet..eventhough he is earning money he doesnt want us to live together..I dont know when he will get his career related job but still he has job and we can manage easily to get home but he doesnt want to get home now he says until he gets his career job he will not invite me to live with him and it can take years or maybe he can get it early but i dont think this is rite to do with wife..he already has job and we both can manage to get home easily then why cant he let me live with him and we get a home and live together.. And he doesnt even talk to me for weeks Even when he is living far away from me.. He give me too much tension... I feel very lonely in this marriage because he doesnt care about me, he doesnt take any responsibiltiy of me, no matter how mich i care about him, he doesnt care at all about me..he keeps hurting me all the time like doesnt affect him if i cry becaus of him..he never had any feelings for me... i never thought my husband would be that unloving uncaring irrisponsible .. I thought all husbands are caring loving but after marrying my husband i learned that husbands are not caring loving caring reaponsible for their wife or atleast my husband is like that... I am very disheartened by his this behavior, what should i do? Please give honest suggestions and opinions.. My husband doesnt have proper job related to his field and is doing jobs that are not his profession type...but still he has job but not to his careeer this the reason maybe he is stressed thats why he is behaving that way? Once he gets job he will be fine? I dont know.. I feel very bad when my husband doesnt pickup my calls or call me and he doesnt care about me..i am very tired of it ... Can this marriage be saved or not? please give your opinions...thanks

      • Dear Sister,

        Are both of you living in Singapore ?

        In which country do you stay with your children ?

        In which country does your husband stay and in which country is he looking for his field job ?

  5. Assalamualaykum,

    This is old post, but I am writing in case it is helpful. Please ask your question here, he is a nice person, and might give you a good answer:

    Moreover, I would not recommend you to simply give up on marriage. Instead try your best, and supplicate a lot to Allah Subhanahu WaTa'ala. May Allah bless you and your family. Aameen.

    • I always find it funny when people comment here saying, don´t ask your questions here, go to a scholarly website and ask a scholar, not a lay person - then they proceed to offer advice themselves!

      Wael Editor

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