Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I take my ex-fiance back into my life?

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I was engaged at 23 in 2014 and me and my fiance had a good relation. Everything was going smoothly until his parents started interfering and asking him why he wants to marry me. They always give him a hard time about it. And this would affect our relationship a lot. My parents would be depressed all the time seeing me in a position like this. We would fight most of the time and then he would come back to me saying his sorry and he always thought I was cheating him when I was nothing but faithful to him. And I prayed to Allah for his success and his health.

I had never done anything but be nice to his family. But they always treated me bad and told him I was bad for him. And they were the ones to introduce us.

Even when I went to their house with gift and good intentions they mistreated us.

A few months later they had sent my dad an email saying it's over and they don't want me anymore.

My fiance said they had seen some of our private conversations and felt they can't accept me anymore.

I made umrah and read salat ut tauba everyday and have become a regular in tahajjud since that day.

When the email was sent my fiance called up my dad and me. And told us he wants to continue this and that we would married because that's what he wants. And he continued talking to me and making promises of the future and i trusted him and prayed to Allah every time asking for help.

After 4 months he said he can't talk to me and that he chooses his parents over me. And he stopped talking to me.

But he would come back every now and then saying he made a mistake and then ask me how I'm doing and would say sorry.

I was in severe depression. I lost a lot of weight. And I was so lost. Then after a month or so I was contacted by girl saying my fiance is engaged to her now and she feels he's cheating on her and that she had found our emails and chats and wants to know the truth. Turns out my fiance has been talking her and me at the same time.

I wrote an email to his parents and told them the truth about him and the other had dumped him too after that incident. I finally closed his chapter.

My parents started looking at other proposals. I spoke to a few guys but I can't seem to find a right match.

Just a few days ago he had messaged me again asking forgiveness and wants to make things work with me. And he says he will truthful to me. I don't know what to do. I still feel my heart is attached to him. And I know it's stupid.

My family and friends will never accept this.

He is not the best muslim and has been involved with other girls before I came into his life. But he's saying he is changed and wants to get closer to Allah and become a better person and start family with me

But I want to know Islamically what will be the right decision to make??

Wildflower

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10 Responses »

  1. Assalaam alaikum sister...
    We male-know our behaviors. Dont risk your life to this guy.He is not trustful to you.
    Just say NOT TO HIM in any way. Dont give him a chance.

    That is what I can advice you with ENOUGH EXPERIENCE FROM MY SEVERAL FRIENDS.

    Goodluck

  2. Subhanallah you are so desparate that you would seriously take that jerk back??? How can you even consider him as your future husband after all that??? sorry sis but there is somehing really wrong with you. have some selfrespect sister. value yourself!!! Would you want your future child to have his charachterisics? why do you want to ruin your future with such a bad guy and his horrible family???? cant understand why so many women know wrong from right, yet they choose to stay with this kind of man and later complain and blame Allah for their mistakes........why is it happening to me....or it is a test , i have to stay in a abusive marriage for the "sake of Allah", Allah doesnt need you to stay in an abusive marriage , Allah swt doesnt want women to suffer, if anyone chooses to be abused, their choice but dnt blame God for it.......
    sister you asking islamically what would be the right thing to do??? first of all stop comunicating with non maharam men, then go and study the chracteristics of the prophet muhammad sws, it will help you to know what you should look in a husband......and forget him promising you he will change loooool dont be fooled......you said your family wont ever accept this, obviously NOT!!!!after all this why should they??dont go against your family ,they want the best for you and please have some selfrespect...may Allah help you

  3. Wildflower,

    I'm with your family and friends on this. For you own sake, you simply need to cut ALL contact with this guy.

    Salam

  4. Please don't destroy your life over a two timing cheat. There is no point giving him a second chance as nine out of ten times it ends badly. Listen to your parents not the two timing git.
    You live once chose wisely with your parents guidance mas all parents want the best for their children.
    Just kind of shocked how silly and forgiving us women are, you owe nothing to him and his family you say don't like you much. So why chose a life which will be very difficult for you. ..
    You are much better than being lied cheated on, if you think more of yourself and don't go back to this scum you will have a much better life insha Allah. ,
    Life is what you make it, think more of yourself and higher of yourself, and others will also do the same. Don't go back there is no future with him honey,

  5. Salaam sis Wildflower,

    I don't think you're crazy for considering giving it another go. However you should not. There is no need for you to go back to something which has caused you pain and humiliation. Sometimes we we only remember the good in a person, but we forget all the bad things about them and what they hVe done to us. You communicating and replying back to him tells him you don't respect yourself enough to chose to be treated better.

    You're young. It doesn't matter if you haven't found the right companion yet. It'll come inshAllah when it is written for you. But as long as you keep the door open to this cheating guy and his family nothing will come at all. You won't let your heart heal and you'll find wrongs in any potential marriage proposal because they're not like him. Next time do not mix freely with a non mahram and do not chose to have a relationship but chose to have a halal marriage.

    All of us can see what he seems to be like by the way he has treated you. It's so callous for that family to have sent you an email like that. Please don't chose to abondon your family who love you and who stand by you to people with such bad manners.

    • Agreed. If someone treated me this way before the marriage id run a mile and never look back! Don't even bother responding to him, block him and let him know u don't want him nor need him. Move on and InshaAllah find a better person for yourself.

  6. SIMPLE and EASY!

    Marriage is huge and life changing commitment. PLEASE don't give in that easy.The fact that he has treated you the way you explained, it may be sign that a long term future with him will not look better.
    You are not married to him now and look back how miserable treatment he has given you so far. Secondly, you will remained linked to his family forever. There is no doubt about it. If they acted the way you explained whilst you are not even married to him, I seriously doubt if they will treat you better.

    Finally, I have learnt one thing from my current miserably looking marriage: if your heart is not 100% at EASE with this decision at the moment, don't expect better in the future.You are still young, so move on.
    PS: this is my personal opinion.

  7. NO .Do not take him back.Ever.

  8. cut your contact with him, ask him not to contact you ever again. and that its OVER.
    get yourself together and move on from this guy
    You will only have terrible life getting married to an irresposible guy like him. There are way more better men out there. You deserve better than this guy

  9. Sister,

    Mashallah you seem so lovely, and a sincere Muslim,

    don't do it don't do it don't it

    please my sister he will destroy all you have worked at being, the beautiful muslimah you are, Allah saved you from him once before, and look how you flourished in your deen, be patient, i know that's so hard when you ready to marry, trust me,

    our beloved prophet taught us to marry for deen he hasn't got that, move on, you'll make a wonderful wife to a man who will treat you like a princess one day inshallah, he may be just around the corner,

    don't be hasty sister

    kick him to the kerb

    xxxx

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