Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I wait for him?

Stressed college student

Should I wait for him to finish his studies?

Salaam-alykum brothers en sisters,

I've known a guy since my childhood, but I have recently developed feelings for him since 2 years. I have known him through my family, we see each other a few times a year and also during imporant family parties. So we know each others personality quite well.
I turned 21 this year and I've realized that I'm ready for marriage. I pray to Allah(swt) mostly to grant me with my future husband, the right one that will give me and my future kids coolness of the eye. I am hoping it's this guy, but I keep my options also open for others as I don't know what Allah (swt) has eventually planned for my destiny.
This guy is a practicing muslim that is serious with his religion. I am serious too, but he's into it deeper . He doesn't talk with girls for relationships-purposes, because that is Haram way to know a spouse. He also doesn't date, he wants to do it Islamic way only. When we see each  other after a long time, we make small talks that are very formal. He is very modest, and shy too. That's why I like him, he chooses his words very carefully when speaking to women. We don't talk through social media or other form of private conversations, as that is considered Haram in Islam too.

Now my question is: A few months ago, in August this year, I asked his sister (one of my best friends) to  tell him that I like him (as my possible future husband). Because I realized that it was not healthy for me to keep hoping for something to happen, without having an answer from him first.

And his answer to that was: He likes me too, he sees things in me that he wants to see in his future wife...But, he can not decide right now because he wants to finish his study first before marrying someone. That will take him 1 and half years before he'll complete his university study.  I was very happy after hearing  this, because I now know that he does give me a chance at least, kind of. I honestly thought he didn't like me like that at all.

But now months have passed by, and I'm starting to feel uncertain about his answer.I understand his answer and why he puts study first, he has worked very hard to get where he is right now in his life...but what should I do? Just keep waiting or do you think his answer is a clear rejection that I don't see?

I'd really appreciate it if you'll put effort in my question to answer,

thank you!


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5 Responses »

  1. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    No- not rejection at all, in my opinion. Masha'Allah, this man sounds like a patient man, true and consistent with your description of him. Whether you marry him or not, you cannot lose by waiting for him, if you keep your intention good and pure, understand patience in Allah, and remain ready to accept Allah's Will whatever it may be.

    From what you have written about him, and from the way you express yourself, I feel happy and hopeful for you.


  2. Assalaamualaikam

    What this boy is saying seems quite reasonable, that he's wanting to concentrate on his studies before making any decisions about marriage. It also speaks well of his character that he is behaving in an Islamically appropriate way. His response doesn't seem like a rejection, but neither is it a commitment, and I think it's important to remember that and not to see this as a promise that something will definitely happen.

    While he is studying, make sure you're getting on with your life too; with your own studies, or work, and increasing your Islamic knowledge.

    Remember that what comes to pass will be Allah's will. Pray for His guidance, and for Him to help you achieve that which will be good for you in this life and the next, while shielding you from that which would be bad for you.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • Thank you, appreciate your answer,

      I'm trying to move on with my life too. But I'm a human and at some times I get very impatient thinking about it. I mean, I'm patient on the outside and I have sabr, but inside me I can't stop thinking about it and questioning if he'll be in my future or not Inshallah. That makes the focussing on my own study sometimes a challenge, it's now to that level.

  3. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    I agree with Sister Hana and Sister Midnightmoon.

    However, what I’d suggest is that, rather than waiting for him (while you are not sure of what he is going to really do after his education), maybe you (yourself) should just decide getting married by the time you reach 23 InshaAllah, without thinking of a particular person now.

    Just continue praying to Allah for the best husband in the future. As it may be that this brother is the one Allah has for you in the future, and it may also be that it is someone like him or better than him. Allah knows what has been written for you.

    So, If you think of it this way, you won’t get hurt even if he decided doing something else later.

    May Allah grant you a righteous spouse. Ameen.

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