Islamic marriage advice and family advice


Favoritism, loving one child more than the other, parents unequal love

Salam, my brothers and sisters

This is my first time writing a post. And English is not my first language, so excuse me if I make grammar errors.

I am 18 years old and my last year in high school. There's a conflict between me and my younger sister. We fight and argue all the time. We almost never talk or look at each other unless one of us needs something from the other. I have 6 other siblings and this has never happened before. This started a year back after a year when we moved to Canada. Before we came to Canada we used to play tell stories and she used to respect and look up to me as her older sister, she REALLY liked me. There were times when we used to fight and argue and I was a bully to her but we used to make up and move on like it never happened. But after coming to Canada she started ignoring and arguing with me, at first I thought maybe she has temper because she's going through puberty, so I just let her be. But as time has passed she got worst, and she even started talking back to our mom, so I thought no matter what, she's acting like a spoiled brat and she needs to know her place. No matter what I did she could not be handled. So I got a bit too strict with her. But whenever I talked to her she started yelling, screaming and shouting. Whenever mom got involved she puts up an act and starts crying telling mom that I was abusing her Abusing her. The funny thing is that mom believes her, no matter what obvious lies she says. Three days ago, our neighbor visited us and sat next to my sister. My sister, instead of greeting her friend kindly she started saying "What are you doing here? Go back to your house. Your annoying." This wasn't the first time she did that. There was once when she also made her cry. So I told her to respect others and she shouldn't talk to people however she likes. She talked back to me saying that I shouldn't get involved in others business. I warned her to stop. She told me that I should stop that terrible attitude and know my place. That angered me, like I literally lost my cool. How dare a 14 year old talk to me that way. So I stood up and slapped her, then surprisingly she started screaming and scratching my arm ( I still have scratch marks on my arm), so I held her arms and threw on her bed, she went downstairs and cried purposely in front of mom. Mom asked her what was wrong. She burst into tears and kept on telling mom I (saying my name) did nothing to her. Mom approached me asking me what I did to her. When I told mom the whole story, my sister cried even more telling her, that she can't keep on living with me in the same room anymore. My mom took a stick (she did not use it to hit me but scare me) and told me that it really wasn't my business and who was I to get involved. And by that I was shocked. The way my mom told me to never  ever touch her (my younger sister) again. The way she looked at me was like she was scared of me. Her eyes looked like a mother protecting her child from something Dangerous. This wasn't the first time mom took my sisters side, but it was the first time I realized and remembered that my mother never in my life took my side or believed me, I don't feel hated from her, or loved.

I hated myself before but this made my anxiety and depression even worse. Now every day when I'm coming back from school, I remind myself I have to go back to that house where the people I hate to see, live. I can't stand the term Family anymore, I hate my other siblings. I lock my self in my room. I'm only waiting until a few months till I graduate, In shaa Allah. I'm looking forward to college and leave this family. Will Allah punish me now? I don't hate my mother, I feel grateful to her for raising me and I don't understand but I know it's not easy to raise eight kids, especially when you are a single mother. Our father died when I was 12. What makes me hate myself even more is that I am a burden to my mother, I want to grow up as fast as I can, so I don't have to rely on her anymore. But it's also because I don't want to see her again. I'm not happy that I get to see  my mother everyday, because I have to remind myself, that I have to live with the person I hate the most (my sister) under the same roof, where she gets to have things her way. And there's nothing I can do about it. This hurts my pride so much, and I hate myself for being so weak.


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1 Responses »

  1. Assalamo walikum sister
    I totally understand your frustration toward your sister and mom. You explained very well and your story remind me of my own life story. I wish I can say it that this going to get better if you don't see your mom or your sibling, but the answer is no. The maximum days you can stay angry is 3 days, after that you need to start talking to them. The longer you don't talk, the harder it will get for you. Whenever you get angry say "astaghfirullah" 100 times daily and think positive. Anger is a pleasure of saitan. Try to be patience with your mom. As you have mentioned she is single with a lot of kids. I know you can't make your sister behave the way you want because you see her doing wrong. Everytime she do or say bad stuff, all you can do is tell your mom that's all. Parents are like that they intend to see the younger child innocent and nothing else. Read salaah daily plus with 2 rakat nafal salaah and ask Allah to make it easy for you and your family. Don't leave your mom's side because the reason of your sister. Little sibling can be brat and they will always have less knowledge than older siblings. Just don't try to overthink of your sister craziness, just tell yourself "my pain and patience will pay off one day, I love allah and I am doing this for him". If you keep remembering Allah, you will see what happens; everything will be ease without realizing it.

    Hope this helps!
    Take care.

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