Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband married a second woman and I am sick

Lonely womanSalam all, i'm a hindu who ws in love wit muslim guy n as witness to khuda v accepted each other by saying kabul, since 3yrs as husband n wife. Nw recently in May 2010 as his parents did not accepted me, as v had revealed to them abt our marriage he married another muslim girl.

Now v r together stil. But its becoming a problem for him sometimes to spend time wit me n fight wit him. The other girl don't know we r married.

Kindly advice what to do i've become depressed n i've stopped having food n i'm sick kind of bed ridden. Seeking help from u all kindly advice on priority.

- Rashmipatre

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3 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    Sorry to hear about this. I'm sure this is a very hard time for you. But you must take care of your health as well. You must never take you anger out on food and the earth. You falling ill will not fix the matter. As far as my understanding goes he is not able to have a 2nd wife without your permission and he must trat you both equal. I am not sure how it works if you are not Muslim. But take care of you health remind why he married you in the 1st place. By fight you are pushing him to the other lady. I also feel that his other wife should know about you as well because she is being misled by thinking she is the only one. What will happen when kids come in the picture. Then not only lives of the 3 of you will be messed you the kids as well. So my advise is to take care of yourself and talk to him. And figure what needs to happen.

  2. I am sorry for the pain you are going through. It must be very difficult.
    You might be aware that a Muslim boy cannot marry a hindu girl.
    It is very cruel of him to marry this other girl, because she is unaware of you and because you are in torture being aware of her. It is cruel to both women. If he was brave enough to go against his and your parents wishes and marry you, why did he marry her? Was he afraid of his parents?
    I would say you leave him. He has not shown respect for you by marrying another woman. He is enjoying two women, but does he think about how they feel? But be careful of your steps. I don't know where you live and how your family is. Even my modern, educated family, living out of Pakistan for years and years surprised me by their behavior with me even tough the man I chose was with the permission of my parents.
    Don't harm yourself. Many young people make mistakes of love, or what they think is love. Your life could be in danger if your parents feel like you have humiliated them, as that is all that matters to Indians/Pakistanis. So be careful.
    He has a wife now, and for sure there is no way that he is going to leave this girl. This is an arranged marriage. They might have babies soon, then what will he do? His wife's life is already ruined because unknowingly she is living with a man who is in a relationship with another woman. You have a choice. You know. And it might be good for you as well. Maybe there's some good in this.
    I do advice you to study Islam with a open mind and heart, as maybe you creator wants to bring you to the truth.

  3. Salaam My Sister,

    I am sorry that you are going through this terrible feeling of being married to a married man. It is true that a Muslim man may not marry a Hindu woman, however if he wanted to live a clean, moral, married life with you he would have tried to convince you of a way to achieve such a life and not kept you a secret.

    I think you know the truth already. The truth is that if this man wants to do right by you and live with you and be your husband he will take the necessary actions to make that happen in his family and in his life. The only way to reveal his intentions is to push him to show them to you and to do that you have to be very strong and willing to lose him.

    The way to do this is to leave: move on, heal and invest in yourself, your life, your future and aim for happiness on your own and let all of your thoughts and actions reflect this deep deep belief in your own happiness with or without him. What will happen then, is that If he wants a life with you - he will change and adjust his life to suit one with you, he will come and get you, he will inform his family of you, marry you and move in with you and live with you in harmony and he will face whatever hardships necessary to make this happen. If he doesn't respond to your leaving in this way: then you will know for sure that there is no future here and you have revealed his intentions for you.

    You will only get the answer you seek from moving on - but the important thing to remember is that you have to move on with a big smile on your face, full of confidence, self belief and faith - and you must be absolutely determined to be happy with or without him. Your positive energy will drive you towards happiness, and will make him realise that he has no power over you and that if he wants to be with you, he has to do something and not rely on your sadness, or weakness in emotion to keep you under his thumb.

    If you can do this, and I pray that you can - you will see his intentions with clear eyes, and you will be happy to see them also: because good or bad, knowing is empowering, and refreshing and always better than guessing, hoping or waiting for something that may never come.


    Editor, Islamic Answers

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