Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Are members of the opposite sex supposed to reconcile each other?

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I loved someone who I hate now. There are many reasons to hate her.

We both are muslims, however that someone turned out be a full fake. We met, we spent time together and never did anything haraam but that someone used to do haraam with others behind my back. We do not talk to each other and I do not intend to talk to that person at all.

Howevere, there is a following Hadith: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The gates of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and everyone who does not associate anything with Allaah is forgiven, except a man who has had an argument with his brother. It is said: ‘Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile."

Since we both are opposite sex does this apply in our case?

Is it okay if we do not reconcile since we both are opposite sex?


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6 Responses »

  1. Salaam.. No, you have to reconcile with everyone, even with the opposite sex. but i think on how you interpret reconciliation is a bit wrong. i think it means, you have to forgive, and forget.. don;t hold grudges against the person, and just act normal towards the person. reconcile here do Not means to have a Friendship/Relationship with the opposite sex.. hope it helps..

  2. In fact I would strongly advise you not to reconcile with her because you are both members of the opposite sex. Casual friendships with members of the opposite sex are not allowed in Islam - as they lead to problems and bring people towards zina.

    So in your case - it does not apply because you shouldnt have a friendship with her anyway. But do not hold a grudge against her and try to move on. Let go of the pain/anger she caused you and InshaAllah this will be enough.

    Sara Editor

  3. Walaikum asalaam,

    I know what reconciliation is.

    What I am not sure about is that if it applies in case of opposite sex who are non-muhrim. We never did or talk anything which was haraam, however the whole relationship was haraam as we were both non-muhrim.

    Something happened between us and I used harsh words, I don't know about her but I hold grudges against her.

    Now my question is we both were in haraam relationship, we fought over something which has nothing to do with me. Now we are not in any sort of relationship and do not talk at all.

    Is reconciliation necessary with my case? If so, provide some authentic references.

  4. Asalaam alaikum,

    To agree with Sara and to expound, enjoining good has several conditions and these are not present in your situation, since this person was leading you towards sin. So leaving them is the best course. You do not have to worry about mending these bridges, because they were haram to begin with and no good can come of this fact. As you said, she has been involved in other sins, so the priority is to seek refuge with Allah (swt), instead.

  5. JazakAllah khair,

    Thank you Sara for your advice. I know that casual friendship between opposite sex who are non-murim is not allowed in Islam.

    I had not been able to find any reference which states that the reconciliation applies in my case too.

    What you suggest is the best thing for me and for her as well.

  6. I just read this hadith and remembered this post straightaway.

    Abu Hurairah (radiyAllaahu 'anhu) reported: The Messenger of Allah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, “Reconciliation is permissible among Muslims.” Ahmad added, “Except a reconciliation that makes lawful something forbidden or forbids something that is lawful.” Sulaiman ibn Dawud added: The Messenger of Allah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, “The Muslims have a duty to their conditions.” [Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 23, Number 3594, Hasan]

    SisterZ Editor

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