Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Young Single Christian Mum – Muslim Father, Muslim Son

Silhouette of woman with baby

Salaams People,

I’m a 21 year old Christian woman but I’ve got a child from a Muslim guy. My son is Muslim as well.

I love them both with all my heart, I need advice so badly.

My boyfriend and I are two years together. After we had our son, he changed a lot in a bad way. We never really see him as he spends most of his time with his friends.

As for my son being Muslim, I don’t know what to do as my parents don’t know that he is Muslim even though we stay with my parents. I want to convert to Islam but I don’t want to hurt my parents. I know this will break my Dad’s heart.

My boyfriend gets very agro at times, and sometimes I feel like he is not interested in my or my son. We spoke about getting married, but not right now because we want to be financially stable. We can’t move forward as he is too lazy to look for a work, or when he does get a job he just leaves.

Please help me as I don’t know what to do.

- Pretty


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3 Responses »

  1. Walaikumsalaam Tash,

    Thank you for trusting us for advice - maashAllah. You are obviously in a difficult situation here. You have a young baby with a man whi is not taking responsibility as he should be doing.

    Tash, you are 21 years old, a young adult and a mother. The choices you make now are going to affect not just your future, but also that of your baby son's aswell. Not everyone will agree with your choices Tash, but you must do what you feel and know is best for your son - regardless of what anyone says. As I reminded you before - you are a mother now.

    You said that you want to convert to Islam. Of course you will feel nervous about taking this step knowing your parents will not be happy, but if you know and feel that Islam is the right way for you to live your life then it will become easier for you. Instead of jumping ahead with something that maybe you do not know enough about, read up a little about Islam first. When you know it is right, you will not be bothered so much by what your parents think and you will find the confidence to convert. If you believe that there is none worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammed (peace be upon him) is Allah's last Messenger then you already know enough to convert. In order to convert, you only need to recite these words verbally and you can be taught the rest later. If you wish to, you can go and see an Imaam at any Mosque, they will be happy to help you with this. Also, note that as Muslims we are forbidden to have intimate relations with the opposite sex unless we are married.

    The reason why I talked about converting first is because once you know what direction your life is headed in, it will become alot easier for you to make the rest of your choices in life God Willing.

    You have not mentioned anything about what your boyfriend does - does he study, work? Does he live with his family/parents? He is obviously not taking responsibility for you and his baby. Having said that, he may be in a dilemma as his parents most likely do not know about you or his baby because having sexual relations and a child out of wedlock is a grave sin in Islam. This of course does not excuse this man's lack of committment to his son, but it may be the reason behind it.

    Ideally you want your boyfriend to sort himself out with a stable job, to better his attitude towards you, to marry you and to give you a happy family life. So talk to him, tell him what you want from him for yourself and for your son. On the other hand, Tash, if he shows no positive signs of changing and being a better partner and father, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with him.

    Take one step at a time. Clarify who you are to yourself first - religion wise. This will give you a clearer outlook on the rest of your life. If it makes it easier for you, refrain from telling yor parents that you are thinking of converting or that you have converted until you are able to move into your own place. I understand this must be difficult for you as you may not be able to work with a young child to care for. Work on the father of your child; tell him what you expect. Distance yourself from him till he is able to be clear and sincere with you. Whether you end up with this person or not does not define who you are as an individual Tash. You can be Muslim without him and you can be a good mother without him too.

    Best Wishes
    SisterZ

    • I have not much to add to what SisterZ just said ;
      sister you must find a clear outlook towards life first by folowin your heart and choosing the religion wisely.
      as for the guy, if he is a true muslim he will take responsability for his actions ,if not i can assure you this is no muslim to spend the rest of your life with, the best thing you can do right now is working on your child's future for there were lot of brilliant men who were raised only by their mothers and even some of the greatest minds in islam. it's a necessity to give him the proper education and care since he still enfant . as for the guy,-im not defending his or anything,what he did was grave- but from his view ,having intimate relationship with a christian girl and having a baby ... what would his family think of him...this news to his family might break them apart really.. so just try to talk to him and persuade him to take responsability for his action by words of islam , try to convince him with verses from the quran , if he's a true muslim than he would do what it must be done.
      Best reguards
      brother malik .

  2. Peace be on y'all,

    I have been searching something totally different, but I came across this post. I am sure the girl who posted wont be checking this, so I dont want to tell anything in that regard except I send my prayers so that she can find confort in her decisions regarding both lives, but for those who end up checking this, I would like to clearify something..

    The previous comment to this post has some inaccurate information regarding Islamic rulings about having relations out of marriage. But, I do strongly agree with one point which is that if you have any problem, do please see an imam in your local mosque. Imams are from some of the sweatest people, and they will try their best to provide you accurate information within their abilities. And it may be that they can direct you to some sisters who can help in the process. May God help all of us, and forgive what ever mistakes we make. Surely He will forgive if you have sincere repentance which should be followed by the actions of goodness.

    I pray for her boyfriend as well. Maybe he needs more help than then herself. Why would a normal being do such irresponsible act of not caring about the baby.

    One thing I would like to state is that Islam never puts you in a bad situation with your parents. Perhaps one will have to care a million time more for their parents after becoming Muslim if they truly understand Islam.

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