Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My sister in law and my husband, rumours in my family

Cold heart, emotionless, cold husband, husband doesnt care

Dear Muslim Brothers and sisters.
Please help me I'm in complete turmoil. Ever since a child I was always made aware that I was to marry a cousin. As I grew older my mother decided it was her sister's son I should marry.

I had always wished to make my mother happy as I'd always felt that I was not upto her standards. I married my cousin and at the start was aware that he was never going to let me have a say in our life. I loved him and found comfort in how hard working he was and his performing Namaz no matter what. I learned only to see the good in him.

I till this day am the dutiful wife bearing him 3 daughters and 2 sons. He is well known and has a very big circle of friends who I always welcome in my home. I never moaned him going to gym or cricket even when heavily pregnant.

Between my second and third child he started driving taxi's and became very unhappy always telling me that if I moved to Pakistan we would save more money. Short time after this idea I learned he was seeing a Sudanese asylam seeker. I was completly devasted and lost our son 7 months into the pregnancy. I pulled together for the sake of my daughters.

I never told my mother or his family I was too humiliated. After a while I got over it and forgave him. I then went onto have my younger 2 children. He's never been an easy man but I just accepted him the way he was. I helped him to settle his 2 brothers here and they live next door I treat them as my own brothers and have much to thank them for.

While I was pregnant with my youngest child my brother was remanded and his wife and children lived with my mother. My sister in law always was loud and very immature I felt uneasy as she'd always look at my husband with great interest, but I never suspected him. He always from the begining never chatted to her.

While my brother was away one day my husband was showering when my little girl gave me his mobile phone. I looked through and found a odd message it was a man's name when I checked the number I recognised it as hers. I confronted him he was flustered and said that they'd only been chatting as my mother was fighting with her. I gave him benefit of the doubt but now I've heard rumours in my family.

What position am I in?

Is it not haram what he's doing. I don't wish to make a public scene but I can't live with him cheating and her being so smug! I have never wished her anything bad. My husband does not allow me to even talk to non mehram men at any function but then how can he justify calling my sister in law and then keeping up the pretence that he has nothing to do with her infront of us all. My sister in law was well known for trouble before shed married my brother but I never thought that this would happen. Please do Dua and help me.

- Fatima


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1 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum Sister,

    Sorry to hear the odd things you mentioned. Sister, your husband is transgressing the limits of Islam, warn him, tell him it is not right to talk on sms or chat with a woman and develop any sort of friendship.

    Get across your points to him in clear language with kindness. Insha Allah it will be enough.

    Reading your post and way of writing, I believe this will Insha Allah be enough if you say it with the same clarity, compassion and thought with which you wrote your question to us.

    Do not let suspicion remain in any relation. Get the suspicion cleared or the relation itself. Hanging in between will make you lose charm of being with someone. So get the suspicious material out of your married life.

    Seek Allah's help, make du'aa and deal with matters in kindness. Get communicating with your husband, love him and allow him to love you. Insha Allah things will be fine.

    You just need some sabr, good communication and kindness to get your task completed.

    And of course, recital of Qur'an with each other, with meanings would Insha Allah do wonders to both of you.

    If the rumours running inthe family have any truth in them, then you have to find proof and speak to your husband with an ultimatum to end his extra marital activity with another woman who is also married. Warn of Allah's punishment and wanr of it's ill effects on your own married life and family. Make him aware of reality. Try and bring him out of the clutches of Shaytaan to open reality and inform him of his role as your husband and what you need when you love him so much, what you need in return, tell him and be clear.

    May Allah help you.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

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