Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sisters not willing to give my Christian girlfriend a chance

upset lonely woman

Salaam Alaikum, Ramadan Kareem to you all.

I am requesting some advice on this situation which has been brought up numerous times I am sure. Please leave the negative comments to yourself, I'm simply asking for advice and don't need to hear what is haram and halal.

I have been been seeing this girl for two years now. We obviously have been dating and have been in a relationship. I was previously in a situation like this and my family was completely against it. Alhumdullilah that ended. Now I have seemed to have gotten myself in the same issue and I have just told my family about her.

Many family has known that I have had a girlfriend and have been against it since day 1. At this point my sisters do not want to have anything to do with this. I have brought it up and they were against giving this girl a chance. This girl is born catholic but as her parents re-married they did not practice much religion. She has a very open mind with Islam and is willing to learn. She made it clear she would consider converting but is not certain.

My issue is that her parents have seen for the last year that my sisters are unwilling to give her a chance and they see this as my family not accepting her. She feels anger towards my sisters and feels unwanted from my family. At this point her parents have said to drop it and she is practically over it also.

I have talked to my father and he has said he is okay with us being together the halal way. He has met her and has  "approved" of her  but I don't know what to do.

I obviously love this girl and want to know what to do in this situation. My father is accepting and my relatives would be as well but my sisters are not for this. How can I try and talk to this girl and explain that this is possible. She has been so hurt for the last year that she is practically over it.

Please we help with any advice.

JazakAllah

brotherOmar

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15 Responses »

  1. as salaam alaikum,

    If you are a Muslim, you know a girlfriend is haram. It is wrong for you. You want to disregard the rules, but when we advise you, we are bound by the very rules you are openly rejecting. You are wrong. Your relationship is haram. And it is the Shaytan when you come to us and then tell us not to tell you that what you are doing is haram...

    having said all that, your solution is simple. Take the woman to your mosque and do nikkah. You should have done this without anyone telling you. If you are so crazy about this woman and you can't keep your hands off, then you marry here. Islam does not forbid you from having a relationship with her. Islam says if you really love her and you want to be all touchy and everything, then respect her family and marry her. Please brother, don't reject the teachings God has given us. You talk like you are in rebellion. You want to play with a woman in front of your sisters and then you want to condemn them for not going along. Just like you are free to do zina they are free to not associate with you and they have a right to not assist you in your bad actions. Everyone's free...not just you.

    anyway once you marry your girlfriend, the issue is resolved.

    Salaam alaikum.

  2. Salam alaykum,
    You've knowingly engaged in a haram relationship with the girl, and as a Muslim man, I am sure you're aware that you can marry anyone who follows the Abrahamic religions (Islam, Judaism & Christianity).

    Elhamdulillah your father has approved and so have the rest of your family. What more do you need? Your sisters will inshaAllah eventually come around to the idea when they see the girl is of good character. You owe it to her to do things correctly. Get your nikkah done as soon as possible inshaAllah. Make things up to her if she feels like on her end it's over, you'll need to prove yourself.

    May Allah make it easy for you and may he open your sisters' hearts. Ameen.

  3. Marry her and tell her that your father is ok with that and he accepted her and that's all that matters.
    You will leave separate not with your sisters and I assume their reasons for not liking the girl is because she's not a muslim which is wrong. Marry the girl, no more playing and have a happy life.

  4. AsalamAlaykum Omar,

    First of all, how old are you? Are you planning to get marry soon with this girl? I do not understand here that you know it is not permitted to have "girl friend" in Islam and you ask your father to approve it and he did. Then you want your sisters to accept this girl as your "girl friend"??? What is the significant of your sister approve this "relationship"? I do not see any logic here? Maybe, are you planning to live together as a big family that your sister approval is important??

    If you are old enough, then go and get married as your parents has already give you a green light. If you are a teenager, quit the relationship and give your "girl friend" space for her to explore Islam herself.

    Sister K

  5. You father is your guardian not your sister so if your father is happy with this relation then go for it.

  6. Salam.

    I don't understand why everyone is advising the OP to marry his non-Muslim girlfriend, and claim she is halal for him. In Islam a Muslim man is only allowed to marry religious Christian or Jewish women, not non-religious Agnostics who might consider converting to Islam along the line. MAYBE. Where are you getting your information from that this girl is halal for any Muslim man?

    To OP:
    Your sisters are right in being unaccepting of your girlfriend for the mere fact that she is not really halal for you (considering she isn't a religious Christian or Jewish woman), from an Islamic point of view. But that put aside, I want to address the following:

    As a man, you don't technically need your sister's blessing to marry the woman of your (halal) choice. However, I do think it's important, for the sake of family peace and harmony, that your closest family members actually like and accept your choice of wife, and that your wife in return likes and accepts your closest family members

  7. Assalam alaikum,

    It doesn't seem like you want advice, therefore your post is confusing, at least for me.

    I will say that I can understand your sisters' point of view. One day when they have children and they are ready for marriage, you will be a role model for their sons and daughters.

    If you believe that you can marry her, as she is Christian, then do that and leave behind any drama.

    If you aren't sure, than I think you already know very well what it is right and what is wrong.

    No one can make this choice for you or condone this current relationship.

    May Allah guide you to the best choice, inn shaa Allah. Ameen.

  8. Assalaamualaikam

    I think you need to decide what you want to do. Do you want to be in a halal relationship with this girl? Do you want to keep her as your girlfriend? Do you want to give up? And do you want to follow Islamic guidance when doing this?

    Your current relationship with her is not an acceptable relationship, Islamically. So, if you wish to follow Islamic guidance, you need to either marry her or let her go. It's not fair on her or yourself to keep things as they are, especially as you know that the situation is hurting her.

    Assuming that you are of legal age to marry, you don't need anyone's "approval" to marry. A Muslim woman needs the consent of her wali.

    I'm concerned that the disapproval of your sisters has led to you delaying any further steps towards making things halal, and instead this situation has dragged on for over a year. It may be worth thinking about why this has been the case - is there maybe a part of you that wonders if marriage would really be the right thing, or that doesn't yet feel ready for marriage? If these issues or similar issues are there, then it's important to identify them and deal with them sooner rather than later.

    If you still want to be with this girl in a halal way, and she is permitted for you to marry (that is, a practising Muslim, Jewish or Christian woman), then take the initiative and get the nikah done. If you don't feel you can do this, then it might be better for her if you step back and let her get on with her life, rather than having her wait for something that might never happen.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  9. ASSALAM_O_ALAIhum brother

    Brother i told that this is not a love love is only for ALLAH. this is just sexual practice and willing wishes for couples that they both are doing sensual , sexual practice in the way of religions that peoples are not criticize to them.

    and Remember if womens are not allow to marrying other religions. also mans are not allow another religions womens i know our holy book is promote to man for marrying other religion womens.

    but she is to be true worshiper , Believer of ALLAH. She do not mushirk.

    and you know there are all religions are mushrik.
    if you want her that prey for her that ALLAH found her true path , way of Islam.
    and convert her in to islam
    if she does not accept to islam
    so
    leave her thinking and forget her. Pray namaz we will prey for you that ALLAH will give you pious wife.
    (AMeen)

    ALLAH knows Better.

    ALLAH forgive us this kind of act
    (AMEEN)

    ASSALAM-O-ALAIKUM

    • It is misleading to say that people here take you as a hater.

      Firstly, when you posted the comment earlier men and women, you made comments regarding ethnicity, not religion when you spoke of Pakistani men and women in the west.

      Secondly, it is not for you to decide that the Muslim men cannot marry Christian or Jewish women.

  10. Salam,

    I posted a question and was just wondering when it will be availale.

    • mea, I don't know when your question was posted exactly, but the wait is up to two months or so.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Looking through our pending posts, I can't see one with this user name - have you used a different name for it? When did you submit your post?

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  11. may be your sisters have other problem i dont know and i am not sure but religion wise please try to understand you cant marry her till she converts we dont know she convert with heart or apparently.

    your question is focusing on "i only hear what i want to hear" thats y some bitter truth is negative to you but thats reasonable you are blindly in love and you think all others are jealous of you.

    please dont be in a hurry be patient and wait for the right time. take your time to convince you sisters and above all religion.

    if you think she will leave you then let her go if she cant wait if she is not certain about converting
    what else left?

  12. and if something in future u get in to quarrels or something bad happens you will be only responsible for it not your family.

    *living separately
    *religion of the children
    *over protectiveness
    etc

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