So i can marry her if i honestly decide to convert?
Posted by TNT6 • March 8, 2007 •
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I am from the US ( dont associate me with G.W. Bush please) and i am a focused musician however, but i am willing to convert in order to live a meaningful life and marry a girl a from Palestine. Could our marriage be justified?
I am willing to follow the religion to the best of my abilities. If this can be justified, is there any easy way to explain this to her parents when the time is right? (What would be a good time by the way) Would a musician of this country be suitible for a muslim woman? I respect her and the religion.
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As an American convert to Islam myself I can shed some light on this and offer advice at the same time.
First as a non muslim right now, you have before you a very unique oppurtunity. If you accept Islam for the right reason and with true sincerity in your heart, all of your past sins are forgiven and you start fresh. However on the downside, marrying a women is not a right reason for accepting Islam. If you beleive that Islam is the truth become muslim and don't wait on what her or your parents think. Also don't delay in accepting Islam if you beleive it is the truth. Frankly, you don't know what the future is going ot bring and people younger than you have died without expecting it.
After you bcome accept Islam, and learn more about what God has called mankind to do, you may find that the girl you like now is not the best for you. I speak from experince that when you become muslim and put Islam into practice your priorities, likes and dislikes change and things that were important before are no longer important and things that weren't important now become important to you. Your eyes are opened to the world around you and things are made very clear and you realize that you were very ignorant before (although you don't perceive it now) and this is not an ignorance on an education level its an ignorance on life. It is difficult to explain really, you really have to expereince it to understand. However, I've been muslm long enough to see other guys and girls go through what your gong through, my advice is the same and comes from expereince, the first thing you should do is determine if you beleive islam is the truth? To do this ask these questions: Do you beleive God is absolutly ONE and unique? Do you accept Muhammad as a 100% human prophet and messenger that God sent to all of mankind? If those are both yes, then are you willing to submit your life to God? This does not mean become a monk or live in poverty (although being a musician you might be used to the latter) but everything a human being does in their life from how they eat, sleep, use the bathroom, have sex, work, relax, travel, shop, etc has a right way in accordence with God's insturctions and a wrong way that is not inline with what God said to do. If you are willing to do the best you can to live your life the way God and his messenger has taught us, then in reality the choice is very simple. You are ready (like it or not) to become muslim and accept Islam as your way of life. After that then you can think of marraige because you will have became muslm for the right reasons. If you become muslm because you wanted to marry a woman and not because you thought that Islam was the truth, then the marriage wont work anyway in the long run and you will never have truely beleived in Islam or tried to make it work anyway. You may think you will right now but in reality you wont and are not being honest with yourself. i've seen and heard it enough to know what I'm talking about. After you have became muslm you may find that you want a muslim sister as a wife that is more serious about Islam than the one you are looking at (a quality a nonmuslim isnt' going ot appreciate as much as a muslim would). The importance fo finding a good wife is that marriage is half of your way of life and your spouse is a key to your paradise. You want someone as a mate that will help you on your road to heaven and encourage you in that directoin rather than someone who is constantly piling kindling wood around your feet and trying to light a match! So become muslim if you think Islam is the truth. Then choose a wife that is good for you and good for your hereafter. It may or it may not be the one you are looking at now. But do it in that order and for those reasons. If she is a good sister, she will understand and agree with what I have said because she will want you to be sucessful in this life as well as the hereafter and she will want someone that will halp her do the same thing. This isn't just all about you, it will have a big effect her too.
Salam alaikam brother..peace be upon you.
I hope u read this comment and that is for two reasons...
one i myself am a muslim women who has met a none muslim man..we did not choose to fall in love and our love is not a lust full love either..which is hard for me to explain how that is.
two he is willling to convert to islam as well..so when i saw your question my heart went out to you..and i understand how you are feeling..and yes their is hope depending on the girls family.
I dont know if there is a way i can contact u outside of this site e.g email or messanger but it would be nice to. by the way the man i love is in the usa too.
Hi MrShensley,
I am in the same situation as you are in. I have fallen in love with a non-muslim man and it was not a lustful love either. You said there was a solution, do u think you could share this please, because i thought there was no hope.
JazakAllahkheer
Assalam Alaikum dear brother
Firstly marriage of an Arab girl to a non-Arab man is not considered valid in Islam based on Kaf'aa. But the reverse is true and an Arab man can marry a non Arab girl
Now all non-Arabs are considered Kafaa (Islamic compatibility) to others.
So if you want to marry islamically, marry a non-Arabic girl
May Allah be with you
Amen
Brother Kashif, I have never heard anything like that before. What is your evidence? If you are basing it on mere compatibility, an Arab girl may well be compatible with a non-Arab. For example, an Arab-American girl raised in California would probably be much more compatible with a Pakistani-American also raised in California than an Arab raised in Morocco or Iraq. Compatibility is not based on race.
aslam Alaikum
brother Kashif as a Muslim woman I have to tell you that you are incorrect in ur comment. you saying a non-Arab can not marry a Arab girl but Arab men can marry non-Arab girls is NOT TRUE. in the Qur'an it says marry your girls to a slave believer surely he is better than a non beleiver. NOW that does not mean look at each others race and base the decision of marriage on that but purely base the decision on who is a believer and by believer I MEAN MUSLIM.
There is the fact that Men can marry women from ISLAM, CHRISTIANITY AND JUDEASM, However race or ethnicity is not there for us to be prejudice but simply to recognise each other.
Therefore I would like to say that we need to differentiate the difference between RELIGION AND CULTURE. As long as you are 2believers (the man and woman) marriage is legitiamte.
MAy ALLAHS peace and blessing be upon you ALL. Ameen
Kashif...I've never heard of such nonsense in my life.
The Quran does not say such a thing, infact it encourages mixing of different nations.
Allah says in the Quran, Verse 49:13
O mankind! Lo! We have created you male and female from Adam and Eve, and have made you nations and tribes that you may know one another. Lo! The noblest of you in the Hereafter, in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment, is the best in conduct in the life of the world Lo! Allah is Knower of your status and lineage; He is Aware of your works and standing in His sight.
There are many examples of successful marriages where the couple are from different cultures. The thing that binds them together is their love for Allah and their understanding and practising of Islam in their every day lives.
External problems created by the families or wider community may present issues thus causing challenges in the marriage. But this is not a reason to say cross cultural marriages are wrong or not recommended in Islam. It is quite the contrary.
Salamu 3alaikum,
What brother kashif said is partially true not fully. Islam condemns racism and there’s no superiority of inferiority over any race, but when it comes for marriage it is not a question of superiority and inferiority, but rather it is a question of suitability which is known as kafa’ah in Arabic. The prophet (PBUH) said: Listen! Women should be married off only by their (Shar’ee) guardians (Wali) and their marriage should take place only with suitable matches. (Akfaa). (Daaraqutni and Bayhaqi). Also another hadith the Prophet (PBUH) said: ‘Oh Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu)! Never delay in 3 matters; Salaat – when it’s time is nigh; Janaaza – when it is ready (before you), an unmarried woman – when her Kufu’ (suitable partner) is found.’ (Tirmidhi). So from there we see that the kafa’ah is something to be taken into serious consideration. It is extremely important that Muslims know fiqh al kafa’ah and to understand the wisdom behind it. Marriage is not for fun or experience therefore anything which might jeopardize it, we must avoid it. Kafa’ah only applies for Muslim women, this means that the sister and her guardian will see if the man proposing to her is a Kufu’ (suitable match). If the sister chooses to marry a non-suitable match then her guardian can refuse the man proposing by claiming kafa’ah on his daughter’s behalf. If the guardian chooses to marry his daughter off to a non-suitable match then the sister can refuse and claim kafa’ah. If the sister marries a non-suitable match without the consent of her guardian then she’d be living in a sin and her marriage is null. If the sister chooses to marry a non-suitable match and she gets the consent of her guardian then the marriage is permissible and the marriage contract is valid. Now what brother Kashif said is true, a non-arab man is not a suitable match for an Arab woman, based on the conditions of kafa’at of the shafi’i, hanafi and hanbali schools of thought they include lineage (nasab), therefore an Arab father can refuse a non-arab for his daughter, but if the Arab father has no objection for his daughter to marry a non-Arab then as I have mentioned before the marriage will be permissible and the marriage contract will be valid.
I follow the shafi’i school of thought, the conditions of kafa’at are: lineage, religiousness, profession and being free of defects that permit annulling the marriage contract. (Reliance of the traveller page 523, m4.1)
Here’s some other articles:
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=3&ID=9426&CATE=443
http://seekersguidance.org/ans-blog/2009/05/29/marriage-through-consent/
Muhammed, you may find this interesting, it explains my point very well:
With regards to selecting a suitable spouse:
"The question of common language, background, education and age etc. are meant, in an ordinary stable context, to maximise the chances of success and stability in a very important Islamic institution - that of marriage. However, considering the particular position of Muslim communities living in minority situations, young Muslims, male and female, are exposed to all sorts of challenges be they cultural, linguistic, racial or social. The most fundamental question when choosing a partner is a religious one. As far as language, background, or social position are concerned, these are not significant factors that absolutely must be fulfilled before a marriage can take place, indeed such considerations may not be relevant to young Muslims living in Britain as they have common language - English, and the social positions of their families in their countries of origins may well be equalised living in Britain. If the prospective partner is of a good character, strong religious inclination and the two young people are happy and feel compatible with one another other considerations are not of such importance"
Questions and Answers about Marriage in Islam
Quran: Surah 49,Verse 13 is the most universal doctrine of human equality and brotherhood: "Oh mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and then rendered you into nations and tribes so that you might know one another. Indeed the most honourable among you in the sight of Allah is he who is most pious."
There is a story about the marriage of Bilal(ra) that I would like to share with you, but cannot find it at the moment. So I shall post it once I have found it inshaAllah.
Sister Z, do you mean Bilal's first marriage as a Muslim, when the Prophet (pbuh) recommended him to someone and they were reluctant? Or his later marriage in Syria?
Walaikumsalaam Br Wael,
One of my friends told me a story just yesterday about when a fair skinned woman's father was rejecting a proposal for marriage from Bilal(ra) just because he was 'black skinned'.
Muhammed (saw) said if the rejection was due to his skin colour or status then it was invalid as these were not the criteria for choosing a spouse, but deen and character were the correct criteria. And Bilal(ra)'s deen and character were good.
I have tried to find the correct narration of this on the internet but have been unable to so far. If you know of the story, please do share it with us as it would be extremely poignant inshaAllah.
Hey Wael and all readers...I found this excellent piece of work below regarding cross cultural marriages. Please read... 🙂
Interracial Marriages Authorized by the Prophet
In Western society, interracial marriages were considered taboo and anathema until the advent of the civil rights movement just a few decades ago. This was also the case in Pre-Islamic Arabia, a time known as the Age of Ignorant Barbarism (Jahiliyyah). The white-skinned Arabs looked down on marrying blacks, especially slaves. Yet, Prophet Muhammad ibn Abdullah sought to remove these prejudices from the white society he lived in, and encouraged interracial marriages. We shall cite three such examples here.
The Prophet of Islam encouraged a female in his own family, Zaynab bint Jahsh, to marry a black man, i.e. Zayd ibn Haritha. Zaynab’s brother refused to give her away in marriage on the grounds that Zayd was a freed black slave, whereas she was an aristocratic white-skinned Arab woman of noble lineage. Yet, the Prophet of Islam rejected this attitude of bigotry and insisted that Zaynab marry Zayd based on his piety and good character. The family continually refused until God revealed the following verse of the Quran:
It is not becoming of a believing man or woman, once God and His Messenger have decreed an affair, to have an option to follow their own choice. (Quran, 33:36)
After this verse was revealed, the family relented, and the two were married.
Another interracial marriage that the Prophet facilitated was that of Julaybib, a black disciple of the Prophet, and the daughter of an Arab family in Madeenah. The Prophet of Islam encouraged the two to get married based on their mutual piety and good character, but the Arab mother defiantly refused to have her daughter marry a black man. However, the daughter herself intervened and insisted on marrying Julaybib, based on the Prophet’s recommendation. And so they were married with the Prophet’s blessings. When Julaybib was martyred in battle, the Prophet said of his black disciple: “He is of me, and I am of him.” [1]
The third example we shall cite is that of Saad al-Aswad. Saad was of a very dark black complexion, which at that time was considered very ugly, due to the prevailing prejudices. Before he converted to Islam, Saad came up to the Prophet of Islam and asked him if his dark skin color and “ugly features” would prevent him from entrance into Paradise. To this, Prophet Muhammad ibn Abdullah told him that his looks had no bearing on his entrance into Paradise which would be based solely on his belief and obedience to God.
Saad sent marriage proposals to several women, but he was continually rejected due to his dark complexion and “ugly features”. Finally, Saad complained to the Prophet, who then sent him to marry the daughter of Amir ibn Wahhab, who was considered to be one of the most beautiful and “fairest” of ladies. Amir was a recent convert to Islam, and had not yet rid himself of pre-Islamic prejudices; Amir categorically rejected Saad’s proposal to his daughter. The Prophet of Islam rebuked Amir for his bigotry. Thankfully, Amir’s daughter herself interceded and told her father to accept the marriage proposal, lest they be disgraced by God’s revelation.
And so the two were married, but immediately the Call to Jihad (Holy War) was given, and so Saad left his wife before even being able to consummate the marriage with his beautiful wife. Saad fought valiantly on the battlefield and was martyred. Learning of his martyrdom, the Prophet of Islam placed Saad’s head on his lap, until the grave was prepared. The Prophet ordered his arms and mount to be sent to his wife’s family. God revealed to the Prophet that Saad would be married to an even more beautiful woman in the next life, i.e. one of the maidens of Paradise.
These marriages were not isolated or chance events. Rather, they were a part of the Prophet’s systematic plan to eradicate racism and bigotry from the hearts and minds of the believers, and to unite them all under the banner of Islam. The manner in which the Prophet confronted racist attitudes and prevalent prejudices is all the more amazing when we factor in how long ago he lived. It would take the Western world hundreds of years to catch up with the Prophet’s progressive and enlightened attitude towards race.
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=27365389214&topic=5613
Dear promoters of racial division in Islam - does this help you see sense?
I don't believe your reply was convincing, what I wrote is based on fiqh. No can say the shafi'i, hanafi and hanbali schools of thoughts are wrong for including lineage as part of suitability in marriage. These are opinions and you can disagree with them if you wish, but they're valid. As for the verse of the Qoran you've given, does it specifically talk about marriage? If I had to choose between an Arab and a non-Arab for marriage would it be better to choose the non-Arab? Even though both are religious? If this encourages us to marry outside our background and if we marry within our own background then we're going the the words of Allah, then how come the Prophet (PBUH) married from his background? Why did the Sahabas (May Allah be pleased with them) married from they're own background? Why did the great vast majority of the scholars married from they're own background? Does this verse has to do anything with marriage? If so please explain it to me. Reminder: If you choose to explain me this verse, be extremely careful. You are interpreting the words of Allah (SWT) if you don't feel comfortable doing it I would understand.
Here's the comment on the verse:
This is addressed to all mankind and not only to the Muslim brotherhood, though it is understood that in a perfected world the two would be synonymous. As it is, mankind is descended from one pair of parents. Their tribes, races and nations are convinient labels by which we may know certain differing characteristics. Before God they are all one, and he gets most honour who is most righteous. (A. Yusuf Ali, p.1407, comment #4933)
Alot of people when they talk about cross-cultural marriages they only talk about what Islam says, but sadly they don't look at the flip side of it. Whether this marriage is inter or intra-cultural, a lot of Muslims today find spouses on their own, especially when it comes for inter-cultural marriages. In fact the great vast majority of the time when it comes to inter-cultural marriages, it’s the two spouses who find each other either through school, university, work, friends, community and so on. In Islam there’s nothing wrong with that, but the brothers and sisters must be extremely careful on how to do it, they must know exactly what they’re doing as things can very easily slip up between the two. So yes Islam condemns racism, but Islam also strictly forbids pre-marital relationships and for the brothers and sisters who don’t know, they must learn how to communicate with the opposite gender and how to approach a potential spouse within the realm of the sharia. We can't just keep talking about how Islam allows cross-cultral marriages and ignore that Islam forbids pre-marital relationships. Out of all the cross-cultural I know and I know a lot, only one did not start off by a pre-marital relationship.
"Dear promoters of racial division in Islam - does this help you see sense?" Please don't see things as black and white. You shouldn't claim that Muslims who wanna marry within their own background is because they want racial division. Again I wanna remind you in case you have forgotten, the Prophet (PBUH) married from his background, so please sister watch what you say, know your limits and know them well. i choose to marry an Arab, because after deen I wanna marry someone who knows how to speak Arabic, share the same culture and have family compatibility. As long as Deen is put first what comes after that is personal preference. I respect the 3ajams, they are my brothers and sisters in Islam, I will pray side by side with a 3ajami, love him in Islam and be there for him when he needs me. Im NOT required to marry from his background nor does he have to marry from my background for us to love each other in Islam.
Sorry I keep coming back.....I just wanna make it clear for you sister, I'm not against cross-cultural marriages because such marriages are perfectly permissible in Islam, nor am I trying to build up a bad reputation on the Muslims who got married outside their backgrounds because there's no doubt that there's some cross-cultural that did not start off by pre-marital relationships. If the man presents himself for marriage and the guardian accepts, the sister accepts and both families are pleased and happy with this marriage then thats perfectly fine and no one should have a say on that. On the other hand however, if this marriage is going to cause problems in the family and cause the sister to rebell out against her family then in this case I'm against such marriages and anyone who has an atom of morality in him or her will agree with this.
Brother Muhammad, I did not claim in your words: '...that Muslims who wanna marry within their own background is because they want racial division.' That is what you have wrongly assumed after reading my posts.
Further you said: 'Again I wanna remind you in case you have forgotten, the Prophet (PBUH) married from his background, so please sister watch what you say, know your limits and know them well.'
Brother - I know my limits well Alhumdulillah, so you need not advise me on my limits. The Prophet(saw) married from his own background, but he also encouraged others and helped others to marry from other backgrounds. The stories I posted above are clear evidence of this.
You said: 'i choose to marry an Arab, because after deen I wanna marry someone who knows how to speak Arabic...' 'I choose' - we all have a right to choose within in limits.
You mentioned something about the Sahaaba all marrying someone from their own backgrounds. Maybe that was because globalisation and migration was not at all as it is now. People at that time stayed in their own communities for various reasons - the main one being due to the difficulties of travel. There is a world of difference in todays society and that of 1400 years ago. Now we live amongst people from almost every background in the world, hence we share common languages and we also share new a 'culture' - one that has formed because we are second generation ethnic minorities born and brought up in western lands trying to observe and practice Islam.
In my previous work place, my closest friends were a Somalian Muslimah, Moroccan Muslimah, Turkish Muslimah and a lovely Nigerian Christian lady. In fact the Nigerian Christian was like a real sister to me with her advice, it was always in line with Islam. Come to think of it, only one of my close muslim friends is from my ethnic group - not deliberately, its just the way it is. We all share our love for deen, without that we would have no connection whatsoever.
You talk about 'suitability' - From who's eyes are we defining what is 'suitable'? For a sister who has been brought up in a western country amongst a mixture of Muslims, she could be suited to good muslim brothers from a variety of backgrounds, not necessarily to one from her own ethnic background.
What if on the other hand, the parents feel someone from a different ethnic background is not suitable for their daughter, just simply because they don't want to let go of their cultural attachments and because they choose to show no tolerance in living with people who may be different.
If they would just let their minds be open and welcoming, it would not bother them that the people from the other culture eat different food, or that they wear their dresses in a different style, or that they have different tastes in music or dance or form of entertainment, or that their facial features maybe different and have a different skin colour. It would be so refreshing if people could think like this: 'This man is of strong deen/eemaan, of good character and he shares atleast one common language with my daughter plus they understand each other. Yes, there will be challenges along with the way due to some of the differences, but we respect the differences, we will take the good from each others cultures and leave the rest as long as 'Islam' is the focal point.'
So if the deen and character is good and there is a common language and understanding - what possible reason can there be for the parents claiming 'unsuitability'? Any of the reasons will be not from Islam.
I believe that if any potential marriage is causing rifts in the direct family, its better to avoid it. 'But' before making our minds up, lets take a look at which definition of suitability is being used.
Maybe we need to put more effort into educating our people about instilling love, respect, and tolerance for people despite their differences.
Avoiding this issue is not dealing with the root problem and although some may not think there is a problem, I do.
Sisterz,
"Dear promoters of racial division in Islam - does this help you see sense?" Yes sister it sounds like you're saying that Muslims who wanna marry within their backgrounds want division in the Ummah, for the simple reason that the article was inter-racial marriage pro and had that sentence written at the end. Now here's my question to you: When you wrote this article why didn't you say Islam forbidds pre-marital relationships? Why didn't you mention how to interact with the opposite gender and how to approach a potential spouse withing the realm of the sharia? Don't you think that this is important for the brothers and sisters who don't know to learn it? You see sister, Muslims who argue for cross-racial marriages they ONLY talk about what Islam says rather then what some of the Muslims do. It doesn't make sense that we keep saying how Islam condemns racism and ignore that Islam forbidds pre-marital relationships.
As for suitability, again this is an opinion and if you choose not to believe it it's up to you, but never say it's wrong!!
What do you mean we have limits in choosing? The most important thing to consider when choosing a spouse is to look at the person's religiouness, character and personality, but there's no doubt sharing the same culture, language and having family compatibility helps in maintining a good healthy life long marriage. You mentioned something similar to that somewhere in your previous comments. As long as Deen is put first then what comes after that is personal taste.
As-salamu alaykum. I am the chief editor of this website. Just wanted to say that as long as everyone remains civil and polite as you have been, I will allow the conversation to continue. I appreciate that no one has resorted to accusations or name calling. That's all too common on the web, but you have set a good example for Muslims who disagree.
Br Muhammed, again you have made an incorrect assumption on my behalf. Of course I believe that pre-marital relations are forbidden. I did not mention that in my reply to you because I was addressing the issue of cross cultural marriages here, not pre-marital relations. Althoough my previous replies are clear evidence of my thoughts on pre-marital relations. As for my replies post March 11th, they have been replies to either yourself or Kashif and have not been in reply to initial question.
You said: 'What do you mean we have limits in choosing? The most important thing to consider when choosing a spouse is to look at the person's religiouness, character and personality, but there's no doubt sharing the same culture, language and having family compatibility helps in maintining a good healthy life long marriage. You mentioned something similar to that somewhere in your previous comments. As long as Deen is put first then what comes after that is personal taste.'
I agree with what you have written in the above paragraph - we all have the right to choose based on good character, deen, and then after our personal taste within limits. What is so different in what I have been saying all along?
Bro the things is - we both agree with that last paragraph - but your interpretation is somewhat different to mine. So lets just agree to disagaree.
Salamu 3alaikum,
I made a mistake or maybe I didn't make myself clear. When I said a non-Arab man is not a suitable match for an Arab woman, this had nothing to do with race. What is defined as an Arab is not by nasab but by tongue. So for example Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) spoke Arabic therefore he's a suitable match for the Arab girl. Another example, a convert who knows how to speak Arabic would be considered as a suitable match providing he's of a good religion and character, can provide for the girl and he's not mentally or physically sick.
So yyya I just wanted to make myself clear on that. I dont wanna have any misunderstandings.
Salams!!!!!
Ramadan Karim 🙂
Dear brother do you know what our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has said, the one who divides between us (Muslims) it means (by any ways as you are doing Arab and non Arab (even by the mother tongue and telling various factors of suitable and not suitable). The one who brings divisions between us (Muslims) is not one of us.
Islam is the only religion which established unity in human race irrespective of color or geographical or language or any other thing. Let it be any worldly affair be it marriage or any business Islam is one. And for your kind clarification our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) didn't only married from his tribe but also from other tribes. Please read Quran and Hadeed with open mind because they aren't suitable for closed or narrow minds. Quran and Hadeed encompass the whole universe
First wife of our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who was outside of his tribe was Zaynab Binth Kuzayma was out of Qhuraish
Safiyya Binth Huyayy was a Jew converted to Islam again not from our Prophet(PBUH) tribe
Maria AL-Qibtiyya was a born Egypt Coptic Christian again not from our Prophet(PBUH) tribe
If you say Arabic language is a hindrance then you are wrong, today Arab women can communicate in English and many other languages efficiently. It's the language Arabic which makes you Arab and not your Takwaa.
Because you are still divided by language and tribalism that's were your unity breaks down and this is forbidden in Islam
Again, I am sorry for the misinformation in my previous message. Erik Schrody is in fact not part of mainstream Islam, which is what I was discussing here. Though he professes to be muslim, his beliefs have been influenced by the nation of islam and other deviant sects that have nothing to do with Islam.
Please forgive me for this terrible example of a mainstream Islamic musician. Your best bet is to look at Cat Stevens.
May Allah have mercy on us and may he grant us only that knowledge which benefits us.
Asiyah
Bismillah (In the name of Allah)
Peace and Blessings be on the Messenger of Allah, his family and companions eternally.
To everyone: Please forgive me for any offense caused or any misinformation, to anyone reading my comments, I have tried to answer in a way which I feel Allah would be pleased with, and any mistakes are from myself, not a reflection of the religion.
I'm sure that the brother who posted the question has made his decision by now, and I'm aware that this thread has died. However, I have comments for both the questioner (just in case anyone else has a similar question), and the for Kashif, Sister Z and Muhammed.
THE QUESTIONER:
Firstly with a sincere heart, I suggest you ask Allah to guide in that which is best for you, and remove from you that which is not. The brothers brought up the law of marriage according to Islam, I would advise you speak with a knowledgeable Imam, and look further into this idea of Kafa'a as there are many different opinions on this.
1. You asked how it could be justified? (Justify to show a satisfactory reason or excuse for something done).
I would say be very cautious. Do not use Islam as an inroad into marrying this lady. Rather I would say this is a perfect opportunity for you to find out about and enter Islam.
You say that you respect her and the religion, therefore please take Islam seriously as more than just a set of beliefs, but as a way of life. I can guarantee that if this lady is a serious practicing muslim, this relationship may have many problems if your intention for entering Islam is simply to marry her.
You are now in a very good position to learn about Islam, for the right reasons, to understand the qualities you see in this woman, to understand our reason for being here, and more importantly to expose yourself to your Lord in a purely monotheistic religion, that promotes equality, justice and spiritual satisfaction, and May Allah grant you certainty in Islam.
2. You mentioned that you are a musician. Please understand that there is currently a debate on music in Islam, and the permissibility of certain instruments. There are opinions in Islam that have been derived from 4 main scholars of thought (or madhabs), please note madhabs are not sects, but rather different opinions on all parts of Islam law.
You may also want to contact or read about Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam) and his journey to Islam. He is a musician and a convert to Islam, after some years of giving up his musical career, he has done some research and based on what he found, he has now started up his musical career again, being cautious of halal lyrics (permissible lyrics). This is a very interesting time to be researching this particular topic, and may Allah guide you in this.
3. Again I would just like to stress that in Islam your INTENTIONS are EXTREMELY important.
As realted by Umar ibn al Khattab (a companion of the prophet)
"Actions are but by intentions and every man shall have only that which he intended." (Bukahri and Muslim)
So please if you are willing to follow Islam to the best of your abilities, please please please ensure that your intention is for the sake of Allah, and in that intention He will bless you, and make things easy for you Insha'Allah,
4. Thus leading me to the question of the parents. If this is right for you, and you are sincere to Allah, He will make it easy for you. I think the best time to ask permission, is after you are certain that you are entering Islam for the right reasons, and so I would say once you have taken your Shahada.
Some people do, but you dont have to, seek excesses of knowledge before converting. It really only has to do with a sincere heart. Once you are in Islam, you will find that Allah will open door for you, and will assist you in the transition. Please do not think that you have to be a perfect example of a 'Muslim' before becoming one.
Once you have taken Shahada, you are in a win win situation, for if this relationship doesn't work out, believe me Allah will replace it with something better, if you are sincere. May Allah grant you obedience to Him, and true faith.
5. In my opinion it seems as though this sister is interested in marrying you, which shows there is some compatibility there. Do not worry about culture too much, we live in a day and age where we are encouraged to embrace the culture of other, and there is plenty of information that allows for us to research and develop or understanding of other in the world. It is a very shallow and sad society when you start condemning interracial intercultural marriages.
Of course, check out her habits, and background first. See what things you like and dislike. Be assured brother that in Islam, there is only one culture and that is ISLAM. Believe me if 2 muslims from completely different backgrounds get married for the sake of Allah, He will make it easy for them. Essentially you will not be living to adopt the culture of the current society, but rather of the ultimate society, which is based on islamic principles (which unfortunately is rare to find, even in what is considered to be 'muslim' countries!) May Allah grant you success in this world and the Hereafter.
Kashif, Sister Z and Muhammed:
Appreciate your comments, and bringing up the question of Fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence). However, I suspect neither of you are scholars? Though very knowledgable MashaAllah, why not try a more encouraging approach to the brother asking, as Fiqh may a bit too heavy to discuss here on a message board, and may go way over the heads of some, and may seem very racist and prejudiced when Islamic jurisprudence is neither of those. Being a convert myself, I can understand how your answers, and proceeding arguments may have left a bitter taste in the mouths of some, and in fact do not answer the brothers question. Rather ask the questioner to seek advice from a sheikh or scholar who can advise him on his own personal situation, in regards to fiqh, which neither of us can do seeing as neither of us have the full facts of the situation.
Sister Z thank you for a soft voice, bridging the discussion, and some interesting points are raised. Masha'Allah, once again sister and brothers, you seem very knowledgeable, but back to basics, lets learn from our Prophet peace upon him, who would deal with each case individually, and would speak to people according to their understanding.
Once again, please forgive me for any offense caused to anyone reading my comments, I have tried to answer in a way which I feel Allah would be pleased with, and any mistakes are from myself, not a reflection of the religion.
May Allah grant us all Tawfiq, obedience to him, and the highest level of Jannah Firdaws.
Oh changer of hearts, make our hearts firm on your deen.
Ameen