Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Social situations and age factor causing problems in our chances of marriage


Asalamu Alaikum Warahmatullah, I like and I love a muslim girl and I have known her for one year now we have been intimate and we both intend to marry each other but shes 24 and I am 22. I am from India I am still studying and there has been some pressure from her parents on her to get married. Although what her parents want is right according to islamic shariah but the problem is that we both want to marry each other as we have also been intimate. I ask Allah(SWT) to forgive us for such a sin but now we are greatly attached to each other.

The social situations here do not allow us to get married before I am not earning and able to support a family. For that she has to wait almost for three years so that I can become something and then try to marry her. On the other hand she says that she can delay for maximum two years due to the pressure building up from her parents which makes the situation very difficult for us. Being 22 years old I still cannot talk to my parents about our marriage. I can only do that after I am done with my studies and then I have a job. She being older than me makes the situation hard for us.

Sir please tell me in this case what do you suggest? Also having been intimate now is it necessary for both of us to marry each other? I assume that you can say that we should tell our parents about our intimacy but I don't think we can? Please help and advise me on this matter. Thank you.


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalam wa alikum Brother

    You need to stop being intimate with her, you know zina (sex before marriage) is one of the major sins and any relationship before marriage between man and women is haram so sincerely repent for these. If you really love her, you would do this even if it extremely hard as I am sure, you do not want to be the reason that lead her astray from Allah. There is no guaranty that any of us would have a place in Jannah (eternal paradise). Please don't chose this world over the next for you or her.

    Think about her as well. She says she can hold off two years for you, this means if you do not want to go against Allah, then you both cannot for those 2-3 years see or speak to each other until marriage. This would be extremely hard for both of you and I advise to not be in that position so ask her parents for her hand in marriage. Or ask your parents to ask her parents for her hand in marriage to you.

    Convince your parents and hers that you are the right person for her and that she will be taken care of even if it means you will be married to her for 3 years before you get a good job. And keep Praying to Allah to provide for you both when your married and to bless your marriage.

    However if you don't get your parents and her parents permission then it would be better to cut all contact with her and pray hard that both you and her would find happiness in marriages to whoever you both marry.

    Hope I helped

  2. OP: Being 22 years old I still cannot talk to my parents about our marriage. I can only do that after I am done with my studies and then I have a job. She being older than me makes the situation hard for us.

    Was being older then you made it harder for you to have sex with her? In 3 years she well not become younger then you. If you are old enough to have sex with her, you are old enough to marry her. Time to talk to your parents.

    • @SVS: He never said he had sex with her.

      Nasir your options are:

      - Do a nikah and then only start living together 3 years later or whenever you can support a family.
      - Do a nikah and start living together
      - Do not do a nikah but tell your parents that she is the girl (she may as well tell hers)
      - Do nothing and make an agreement to have sabr and continue communication when you are able to marry.

      PS: There may be a lot more options, but these are what occur to me at the moment.

      Allah knows best


  3. Salaam Brother,

    1.Make sincere repentance to Allah and promise to Allah that you will not commit ZIna again. Stop meeting her and stop all communication with her since it is haraam.

    2.Be sure that you are marrying her because you love her and will spend the rest of your life with her. The reason that you have intimate relationship with her doesn't mean you have to marry her and later regret in your later part of your life. Make up your mind and the reason for marrying her should be love for her and the reason should not be because you were intimate with her.
    If you don't love her enough to marry her then let her go marry someone else and you can marry someone else after when you have a job.

    3.If you are big and mature enough to love a girl and be intimate with her then you are surely big enough to speak to your parents that you want to marry her. Stop being a scared little boy and grow up. Be an adult and face your parents and explain to them that you want to marry her and ask them to support your decision.

    4.Both of you don't need to share the sin of being intimate with each other with anyone else. Repent to Allah and have hope that Allah has forgiven you if your taubah is sincere. In the future you don't have to reveal this secret of being intimate to anyone ever. It is only between you and Allah.

    May Allah guide you.

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