Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Someone has to wreck my life up. WHY?

I keep dreaming about being in a happy relationship

I had a boyfriend who was the same caste as me, when I was 14. He was nice at first then, he went down hill; he used to hit and swear at me all the time but I didn't care because I loved him. Because of our relationship I got pregnant at 15. He then run away to Iran. I had to face my family alone; my family abused me and told me to have an abortion which I did. When my ex found out he came back to the USA and because I loved him I took him back which was very stupid of me.

After 2 months; my family took me aboard and forced me to get married to a guy I didn't know who was 28 and at that time I was 16. When I turned 17, I got a friend to help me get a divorce. After 3 months; I got married again to my cousin and he knew everything about my past. All my family are calling him up and telling him that your wife was like this, she's wrong; bad things about me. I am very worried that he might divorce me; which I don't want. It's too shameful for me; plus I do love him but I don't know what he feels about me. HELP!

Sister No 1.

Tagged as: , , ,

3 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaikum sister,

    I dont think that he will divorce u. Im sure people would have been slandering about u to him before marriage, yet he didnt listen to and still married u. This shows that he trusts u and loves u, and I dont think he will leave his love because what others say. He knows about ur past yet he still accepted u, if he stood by u then, im sure he will stand by now too. Be a good wife, and tell him often how much u love him, and im sure he wont divorce u. I know when people call him shaiytan may put bad thoughts in his mind, but if shaiytan hasnt been successful so far, then im sure he wont be later. His love for u seems strong, dont worry about divorce. Talk to ur husband as well about ur fear so that he can reassure u and tell him that when they say anything bad about u, for him to make an excuse that his credit is about to finish or that he just remembered something really important to do. They will eventually understand without him being rude to them that he doesnt want to hear anything bad about u. Hopefully that problem will get sorted. May Allah keep u and ur hubby in a loving relationship forever.

    If u dont mind sister, can u advise me on my current situation too. I did write a post here, but I havent got a response so far. Im getting married soon, and I need some advice ASAP and the more people that I can get advice from the better it is for me. My problem though its not exactly like yours, however, it is related to love and marriage. Since u have had experience and u would have learnt alot from ur experiences, I would really appreciate ur advice. U can email me on

  2. Behave as nicely as u can. I m not saying to become a slave but show him u care and u like whay he likes. Don,t talk about ur x coz this thing might hurt him. N get respect for urself as a lady. Don't lookout. If he trusts u don't let him down. A man can get everything back but not trust. If he loves u he won't let u go just go just for people saying. I know only one thing give respect take respect doesn't matter its d worst person. But he is gud n kind so he won't let you go. Keep faith in Allah. Pray n best of luck for ur life. May Allah bless u wid happeness. Aameen

  3. Asalaam alaikum,

    To be honest, if you look at your statement your posted, you can see what the problem is. What do I mean?

    Al the information you gave in the first paragraph was unnecessary to write here, because it's your past and it's time to leave it behind you. Though this is easier said than done, in this instance, it no longer should carry any more relevance in your life once you have sought forgiveness, repentance and have reformed your life.

    I believe that once you are able to look into the mirror and make peace with yourself over old mistakes, and then take them to Allah (swt) for forgiveness, only then will you be able to move on. You need to realize that those times are over and Insha'allah, with your new marriage that a new chapter in your life is turning over. Why do I say this?

    I believe that once you deal with your past on a personal level with Allah (swt), then with confidence you can go to your husband and have a talk with him. Tell him that you love him and explain to him that your marriage to him is the most important thing to you in the grace of Allah (swt). Tell him that despite what everyone else may say, you have begun your life with him and that's what matters most to you with love, honor and respect.

    What all this is meant to do is to start building a healthy relationship in your married life. And that will also entail confronting your relatives about what they are saying. It is your right to say to them that they must stop trying to interfere and damage your marriage. The Qur'an says pointedly that causing fitna in this manner with slander ad gossip is a huge sin. Essentially, by insulting you they are going against the laws of The Almighty, Himself. They should be helping you to live a happy life with your husband and stop acting like enemies. It is time to draw the lines of respect for yourself, because your family needs to see that you should be treated better because you are their family and because you are a wife.

    In summation, you need to take your dignity back and though, you should be assertive, you must also do this with the help of your husband. Together, with the same devotion of each other and care, it is time for you two to be seen as a couple who are married in the bounties of Allah (swt).

Leave a Response