Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Fighting the rumors spread about me

Allah Tests who He Loves

Do not Despair, After Darkness will come Light

Assalamualaikum sisters and brothers,

I don't know where to begin.

I have been married ten years and since the moment I married my in laws have turned my life upside down. They used to tell my husband I was having affairs and caused untold misery in our lives.

They did sihr on my little girl who is 9 years old now - for 8 years she couldn't speak there was a knot in her tongue and after ruqiya she has started speaking. The jinn spoke to me so please don't tell me I am imagining things.

They also did sihr on my husband and me and I have had five miscarriages as a result. I felt the jinn in my womb after my miscarriages moving around in there. This only became more pronounced after ruqyah when I felt it moving around till it died alhamdulillah.

My parents are no support whatsoever. My sister who is their favourite child was born with a disease and they have blamed me for this since I was a child, whenever anything happens they blame it on me. People say parents love their children but I learned young that mine simply hate me for being born without the disease.

They always told me I was hideous because I did not look like anyone from the family - my husband has often asked me if I was adopted because he cant believe how differently they treat my sister.

They always treated my in laws with joy and kindness so my in laws knew how they didn't care about me

This made their persecution worse.

Eventually my supporting husband and I moved away but they have continued to harrass us over the years. It has been so terribly difficult.

They have gone to Islamic Centers and spread rumours about me and my husband, at one of these places a woman runs a circle in the masjid giving halaqas - she has been spreading the vicious rumors about me to so many people that people are coming up to me and being verbally abusive.

What should I do about this verbal abuse? We have been advised to keep away from these inlaws because they are trying to destroy us and yet the 'upstanding' muslims in the community who everyone looks up to are spreading malicious gossip about me and my husband.

They are so happy to see me and my husband suffering this way they are trying to make things worse by fuelling my inlaws.

And these are the women running the halaqas.

Alhamdulillah my husband supports me and I support him. Allah  has blessed us by revealing the extent of my inlaws evil. I know this is a test but I feel so let down by these women who call themselves 'Muslim' I am sooo fed up with them! These older women who should know better than to gossip desperately trying to strangle information out of me to run back with to their friends.

This is not Islam - I am despairing - how has it come to this?

ALSO my marriage was arranged - although my in laws hated my mother she married me into the family on the basis if she didn't agree she would lose a friendship with one of them. I was 16.

~ Mayen01

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4 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    The best advice I could offer you if you are financially able is to move FAR away from these people. You can build a life together somewhere else where the both of you will be happy and away from these sick people.


  2. Wa'alaykumsalam Meyen,

    I am saddened to hear about your situation. The situation you are in will not only cause you eternal troubles but will also affect your kids etc. Gossiping, back-biting, blackmagic etc are all sins in Islam which have serious effects like the one you are facing. All muslims should guard their tongues. Therefore It is embarassing to hear about the disgusting behavior by the Islamic centre, your in-laws etc. Know that all these people who are engaged in these rumours etc will be punished. Allah has wanred us that we should not get involed in these stuffs. Real shame on those people who did bad to you sister.

    “Do not concern yourself with things about which you have no knowledge. Verily, your hearing, sight, and heart ,all of them will be called to account" (Quran 17:36).

    "Those who brought forward the lie are a body among yourselves: think it not to be an evil to you; On the contraryit is good for you: to every man among them (will come the punishment) of the sin that he earned, and to him who took on himself the lead among them, will be a penalty grievous." (24:11)

    "Why did not the believers - men and women - when ye heard of the affair,- put the best construction on it in theirown minds and say, "This (charge) is an obvious lie"? (24:12)

    "Behold, ye received it on your tongues, and said out of your mouths things of which ye had no knowledge; and ye thought it to be a light matter,while it was most serious in the sight of Allah." (24:15)

    "O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful." (49:6)

    "O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them;nor let women ridicule [other]women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's] faith. And whoever does not repent - then it is those who are the wrongdoers." (49:11)

    "O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful." (49:12)

    It is also terrible to hear of how you parents is treating you. They are wrong-doers and will be held accountable. know that for every pain/sufferings you've received by your situation, Allah is greatfully rewarding you. It can also be a means to expiate your sins.

    This is what you can do-
    1) You can try to defend yourself and show your innocence of whatever you are accused of, and to denounce as liars those who accuse you of that.
    2) If you can confront your in-laws who has accused you and advise them and exhort them to fear Allah, that is good. They might give up. Or you could send a wise person to do that.
    3) You have to avoid situations and places that may cause doubts and suspicions, because others may take them as a means to confirm their suspicions. You have to be patient and turn to Allah, calling upon Him, and Allah will grant you relief from what you are facing.
    4) If all these are not possible for you and your husband to do, then your only option left I believe is that you and your family should run far far away from the place you are currently residing. If needed, change cities etc

    Regarding black magic, you've got to recite ' Mu'awwazatayn' plenty of times. Ayat al Kursi and Yaseen will help too. If needed visit authentic great imams to help you. If they try to treat the magic using Qur'an, then they are authentic. If they use boiling water or stone or amulets or singing etc they are frauds.

    Here are few du'as which will benefit you insha'Allah,

    - "O Allaah, guide me among those whom You have guided, pardon me among those whom You have pardoned, turn to me in friendship among those on whom You have turned in friendship, and bless me in what You have bestowed, and save me from the evil of what You have decreed. For verily You decree and none can influence You; and he isnot humiliated whom You have befriended, nor is he honoured who is Your enemy. Blessed are You, O Lord, and Exalted. There is no place of safety from You except with You.”

    - "O Allaah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You."

    - “I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah from His wrath and from the evil of His slaves and from the evil promptings of the devils and from their presence.”

    - “O Ever-Living, O Self-Sustaining, by Your mercy I seek Your help."

    Have patience, be a dutiful wife. Do you duties towards Allah and Insha'Allah He will ease your situation. Seek Allah's rewards.
    " Verily after hardship comes ease "

  3. Regarding your last line " Tortured BY the shaytan in hell ", I would like to correct that as I've heard some people believe this. The fact is, the bad people gets tortured in hell ALONG with the shaytan.

  4. Assalamualaikum sister Mayen,

    I understand what you are going throuh, because I have seen a friend in slighly similar situation.

    The best thing you can do in this case is do 'Hijrah' for Allah's Sake. I would not say this in a normal situation. But in your case people are making it difficult for you to practice deen. Allah Knows your heart and you have a supportive husband. Thank Allah for it. Also thank Him that He Is With you. Never give into the ill behavior of people and lose yourself. Have patience and talk to your husband about moving to a different place. People who do Sihr and who spread lies are not worth living with. You should cut contact with them and ignore them.

    I pray that Allah supports you

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

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