Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I still can’t forget him; is there a way out?

She married him, but is interested in someone else

True love comes from Allah Alone, rest all is from Shaitaan

I have had made a post before and i felt better just for 1 day or 2 after all the answers, the day i broke up it was the 3rd month i posted a question, and now its the 9th month i am still not over it :'(

i am 16 i broke up with him on my bday and now my 17th birthday is coming, am feeling so low, that why is this happening to me, why isnt anything helping me :'( i feel like screaming, i am very happy from out as if i dont worry or care about anything, but deep inside i am dead,

i dont know how to make my self understand,i dont share my stuff with anyone, not anyone from family either, i dont know am lost i want myself back i want the happy me which i to be 2 years before, i am lost lost lost :'( nothing is working absolutely nothing

Help me if you can, i know its confusing but please help me

Jazakallah

~ juweriya

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32 Responses »

  1. Salam!

    Engage yourself in things and don't be free and try to find someone other and Marry with Him as a Life Partner...
    But Sorry I didn't Read you story before and don't know what happened with you but If He is Gone and Left You alone than Be Patient and Engage yourself in things and Read theStories of Prophets(AS) and their Patience on Calamities of this Temporary Duniya and There Reward on there Patience after so many years Like Prophet Yusuf, Yaqub, Ayub(AS) etc.

    and Listen this Speech with Full Attention...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADiTs-ZXuhw

    Jazzak Allah!!!

  2. Asalam ualikum i dnt know the story of yours either...so being general n cautious at the same time..my advice would be let the by gones be bygones n i think the relation u had was unislamic if i m not wrong so a thing which itself is wrong how could the result be positive..Dear Sister Offer Salat n spend your life as per Allah and His Prophet Muhammad PBUh wants us...Allah created Heart seek help from Him HE will provide the peace...Its my own personal experiance when i m too much tensed about my studies after few days i come to know all tension is gone n its peace inside..so make your bond Stronger with Allah He never breaks His being hearts 🙂

  3. Assalamualaikum

    I understand what your going through. It can be really hard.

    But know that,

    Allah has saved you from a relationship that was formed outside marriage. A relationship that could easily lead to many haraam things.. you need to be thankful to Allah.

    Answer to yourself - Do you want him back ?

    ->Say, he is back now.. then what ??? will you marry him or just continue with a relationship that could lead to haraam things which can even open the doors to zina. astaghfirullah. May Allah save us from the haraam.

    ->If you do not want him back then you are torturing yourself by thinking about him. and letting the shaitan play with you.

    You need to make sincere repentance to Allah for forming a relationship which is not permitted in Islam.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful”

    [al-Noor 24:31]

    “O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance!”

    [al-Tahreem 66:8]

    Stop thinking about him. Keep your self busy in other things.
    You may be suffering all this pain because of the whispers of the Shaitan..

    DO not to pay any attention to these whispers, ignore them, and do the opposite of what they are calling you to do. For these whispers (waswaas) come from the Shaytan to cause grief to those who believe. The best way to deal with them is to remember Allah a great deal (dhikr), to seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytan, to keep away from sins and wrong actions which are the means by which Iblees gains control over the sons of Adam. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Verily, he [the Shaytan] has no power over those who believe and put their trust only in their Lord (Allah)”

    [al-Nahl 16:99]

    It is worth quoting here what Ibn Hajar al-Haythami (may Allah have mercy on him) said about dealing with waswasah in his book al-Fataawa al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kubra, 1/149. This is what he said:

    “He was asked about the problem of waswasah (insinuating whispers from the Shaytan), and whether there is a remedy for it.

    He replied by saying that there is an effective remedy for it, which is to ignore them completely, no matter how frequently they may come to mind. When these whispers are ignored, they do not become established, rather they go away after a short time, as many people have experienced. But for those who pay attention to them and act upon them, they increase until they make him like one who is insane or even worse, as we see among many of those who have suffered from them and paid attention to them and to the devil whose task it is to insinuate these whispers, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) warned us against when he said, “Beware of the whispers with regard to water (i.e., wudoo/ablution) which is caused by a devil called al-Walhaan” – because that causes a person to go to extremes with regard to doing wudoo, as was explained in Sharh Mishkaat al-Anwaar.

    In al-Saheehayn there is a report which supports what has been mentioned above, which is that whoever suffers from waswaas should seek refuge with Allah and turn away from the waswaas. So think about this effective remedy which was taught by the one who does not speak of his own whims and desires to his ummah (followers), and understand that whoever is deprived of this is deprived of all goodness, because waswasah comes from the Shaytan, according to scholarly consensus, and the accursed one (the Shaytan) has no other desire than to make the believers go astray, make them confused, make their life a misery, cause them distress to the extent that they leave Islam without realizing it.

    “Surely, Shaytan (Satan) is an enemy to you, so take (treat) him as an enemy”

    [Faatir 35:6 – interpretation of the meaning]

    You can keep doing dhikr saying astaghfirullah, alhamdulillah, subhanAllah and other dhikrs whether you are walking, cooking, travelling, just sitting quietly, and so on...

    remember this sister.. Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it.

    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  4. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barakathu..

    I am 24 years old, even i didnt read your last post but i can understand what you are going through. I was in love with a girl for 2 years.. i almost died for her in many ways I loved her like anything, i thought she is the one for me and she meant the whole world to me.. All her promises that she will always be with me, never ever will leave me for anyone.. it goes on. We always talk about our future together and the things we will be doing after marriage.. even we chose a name for our baby girl which doesnt exists. we worked together for 5 months and later she moved to another company and i too moved somewhere far from my town. monthly once i come to my town just to meet her ignoring most of my friends and my family i never spend time with them. 6 months back we had a little fight which grew bigger and then few days later a message from her that she doesnt want me anymore in her life and she is in love with her team leader.. who is also a muslim.. After all these chats and all the promises, after all the emotional feelings as one will have between a husband and wife it was so hard for me to just take it just like that and leave her.. i cried day and nights.. i still do.. i begged Allah for give her back to me.. I almost died in front of her pleading.. to her mother and even to the team leader to show some mercy on me (Stupid isn't it).. I know. .but the love i had on her made me totally mad at one point where my mum decided to consult a psychiatrist for me. I know how you are feeling... Everyone have their own bigger load of problems in their life. some doesnt have proper clothing, food, shelter... for us its Love, the separation,.its not like you can only live with him.. or i can live only with her.. there are lot more to life that just love for a girl or a boy.. Believe me you are just 16 its not like your whole world is finished. As far i can see and feel all we expected from them is only true love and affection. but we didnt get it right? its Allah SWT plan for us so that we will get a good life In sha allah.. its Allah SWT plan that he knows that they are not the right partners and they dont deserve to be with us in first place.... Yes its only the way where we can find inner peace.. you might be asking then why we were led to meet them.. its not allah made you to get into wrong way but all the faults are on us.. If we followed Quran and Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) we would've never talked with the opposite sex and never would have been in love to have this heart broken situation. We both should have lowered our gaze and feared Allah. but we failed to do so.. thats the root of all problems. I too laugh infront of all but deep inside i am so hurt,, but the past is past and gone forever.. we are not the controllers of the time.Only Allah the almight is. Do not think.. do not think about the past also do not think about the future.. its not in our hands.. its with Allah.. You said you felt good for 2 days after reading all the answers.. yeah you are correct i too had the same feeling... All you have to do is go through it for full.. dont try to go around the pain.. During that time when you are speechless when you are filled up only with tears do salah.. He is our only hope.. There is nothing pure than the heart which has a strong belief in Allah and cries for his grace... I In sha allah include you in my duas.. dont worry.. as others said what if your love with him was about to lead you to commit some haram... what if you asked for Jannah and Allah SWT almight knows that if you were with him then your live eventually will turn towards the Hell and got you separated..? Read quran in the language you understand.. all the answers are in it.. In sha allah.. He who knows the best will give us a good life where we will be blessed with true loving and honest life partners from who we wont be getting any broken Hearts.. Ameen. Cheer up.. This is our time to be strong. We have to take advantage of the situation we are in right now.. The whole world is putting us on our knees right? Then pray.. Always say Allah SWT knows the best.. May Allah SWT eases it for us.

    • Thank you brother,for sharing your story i actualy feel i am not alone thank you so much

      • This is me little sister. I didnt had the courage to admit the mistakes i ve done in the comment above your comment. So i just posted a new question with a new name.

        • Masha ALLAH... I also suffered like you... And your thought just matched with mine... Thank you for this beautiful reply... May Allah bless you Ameen

    • Assalamualaikum Warhamtullahi Wabarakaatuhu Akhi..

      Subhana Allah what a turn around. Allah has really made you loose that girl so that you will find him.

      ".. as others said what if your love with him was about to lead you to commit some haram... what if you asked for Jannah and Allah SWT almight knows that if you were with him then your live eventually will turn towards the Hell and got you separated..."

      Subhana Allah this quote was really insighful and touching.
      May this is where all the answers to our problems lie.
      We sincerly want Jannah but are doing sins and great evil,
      So Allah in order to guide us to Jannah removes our sins which break us at first but Allah grooms us to become better individuals.

  5. As salamu alaykum, sister juweriya,

    I understand you are feeling confused, you are feeling lost too and that is causing you not to know where to look at, your mind knows the direction, but your Heart feels emptyness, you need to phocus your mind into your Heart, this way insha´Allah you will recover your direction (the Straight Path that you miss so much).

    There are strong physical, emotional and mental changes at your age, the numbness you talk about, that feeling of being dead inside come to us when we are getting ready for strong changes, which I assume it is what is happening to you right now, you are facing to become a young woman, you are not a child anymore and you need to set priorities in your life.

    If you don´t mind I will share with you my own priorities, priority number one is God, after Him, me, family, friends, the rest of the world. When I change the order of my priorities I walk through a path of deep suffering.

    I set myself after God, because I need to be strong(eat well, exercise, consciously breathing, relaxing) to be able to have a healthy body and mind that will allow me to be for the rest of the world and as priority number one mentioned to pray and submit to God with all my senses awaken and open to Him, this way I will be able to feel how the blood fills my Heart with every beating and at one point that beating insha´Allah will emit waves of unconditional love and peace that will let me know that I am following the Straight Path.

    The tips that insha´Allah will help you to get here are simple but they will require to be conscious of the moment, you have to take care of yourself, you need to talk to your family, share with your parents your worries, your hopes, what you want to do in life, what you expect to do, what makes you sad, ask them about their lives, who they are, how they met, get to know your roots, what they like the most, let them talk to you, and you will learn that more you know about them, more you know about yourself, your Hearts will be closer and you will be able to fill your Heart with deep love towards them, that is healthy and we need to love and to share with those we love, ....Our family is a big one in our life. Let them help you with their unconditional love, be open to them and see how the seed of Love and Light begins to sprout in your Heart and insha´allah the darkness of that "death" will dissapear.

    None of us is perfect, all of us have moments of confusion or feeling lost for one reason or other one, but we are all here to learn from each other and one of the best schools we have is our own home, and the best teachers, the people we love the most and all of it with the Mercy and Grace of God.

    There is something that it may enlighten your Heart deeply, write the Names and read the Attributes of Allah, one every day, be conscious during the exercise, it won´t take you more than 5-10 minutes everyday and it will take you a bit more than three months to fulfill the exercise, write everyday the name in arabic and in english in a paper and read about the attributes, just that, if you want do it at the end of the day before falling sleep.

    Read ayat al kursi every time you want consciously, feeling it, it is a beautiful ayat.

    May Allah(swt) help and guide you to overcome your struggles. Ameen.

    Blessings my sweet young girl.

    María

    • Thank you so much sis :') i wish i wish i overcome this

    • Sister Maria M. Our priorities should be first Allah then Prophet Muhammed(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) and then others.

      please read the below hadeeths .

      The Muslim’s faith cannot be complete unless he loves the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is dearer to him than his father, his son, his own self and all the people. It was narrated that Anas said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one of you truly believes until I am dearer to him than his father, his son, his own self and all the people.”
      Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 15; Muslim, 44.

      It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Hishaam said: We were with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was holding the hand of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab. ‘Umar said to him: “O Messenger of Allaah, you are dearer to me than everything except my own self.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No, by the One in Whose hand is my soul, not until I am dearer to you than your own self.” ‘Umar said to him: “Now, by Allaah, you are dearer to me than my own self.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Now (you are a true believer), O ‘Umar.”
      Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6257.

      • What you have said does not contradict what Maria said. If our first priority is Allah, then it follows that we also love the Prophet Muhammad (sws), because our love for him stems from our commitment to Allah. We love the Messenger (sws) in the cause of Allah. We obey him because Allah commanded us to do so. We take him as an example because Allah exhorted us to do so in the Quran. We also love the other Prophets and Messengers (peace be upon them) because they were true servants of Allah, and we love the Sahabah, and the Tabieen, and all the righteous, and our fellow believers. All this is understood, Insha'Allah.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • just said it in case she or others dint know about it 🙂

          May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions

  6. salam,

    sorry, i dont mean to be rude but what do you mean no one is helping you? in every single one of your posts, various brothers and sisters have given you advice. you have to take them and committ to them. we cant force anything on you, we cant change anything for you. honestly to me it seems like you just want this guy back.
    he is not worth anything and if a guy sees the way you are acting believe me, you not be worth anything to them either. pick yourself up and just move on. i know "just moving on" is not easy, but you must find your own ways to cope.
    it upsets me too to see certain people always getting what they want in life, and honest people suffer. but that's allah's choice for good reasons that only allah knows. continue practising your religion and allah will reward you.

    • I dont show up anything on my face, it hurts u wont understand (u havent being through it) i am not a nut that i came back to make this post, but still thankx stay blessed

      • salam,

        i haven't told you about my personal life, maybe i went through it myself, maybe i have gone through worse. whether i have or haven't... i want you to know that people are trying to help you but YOU are not helping yourself. I want to say stop thinking about him and stop searching for updates on his life but you said he was someone close to your family so it must be hard to avoid him. Surround yourself with good people, and with females.
        In my last post I wanted to add, write down all the ways he hurt you and has brought pain into your life... write down the good stuff about him and the bad stuff... is he worth your time? is he worth the tears and the pain? he's not the only one who gets everything in life and looks happy on the outside, there are thousands and millions of people. But there's also millions of good people, and i'm sure you are one as well because you are able to see what a jerk he was. Who do you think Allah will reward at the time that matters the most??

  7. My sweet sister, I have in the past had relationship when I was 16 and it ended after a few years and I felt very bad and felt the same way as you did. It was because this was the first time I have loved someone and been loved back. I pictured my whole life with him and when I decided to get out of the relationship all I could do was relive the memories. It took me 2 years to get over it but when I did I got into another relationship with a man who couldn't accept me for who I was and I am going through it once again. I am not saying it will take you two years to get over it but I know the main reason why it took me so long. It was because I was in some way keeping contact with him. Randomly texting him or calling him when I felt that "I got over him." If you are doing this you need to stop completely, no matter how hard it is. It will be the single most difficult thing but you have to do it and stick with it.

    This was the time I got closer to Allah and if I could relive it again and have a chance to get even closer to Him I would do it without hesitation. I was a very bad girl before all of this, I was lost, but after my heart break I would do anything I can to get rid of the pain and the one thing that worked was listening to Scholars on youtube talk about various topics on Islam that answered many of my unanswered questions. That way I got closer to Islam and to Allah and slowly bit by bit I started to get an understanding that this life is a temporary illusion and a test. Soon without even knowing I got over it and there was one time in my life where he texted me and I completely forgot about it!

    I know it feels like no one understands your pain but trust me there are people going through it and silently suffering through it like I am now. I may be hurting and I may be asking for advice but I know in my heart that inshallah I will get over this one too and what I learned from this is that inshallah I will do everything the correct way this time and get married instead of getting into relationships. And one good thing about the pain is that it helps you know what you want and the change you want. It has helped me figure out what kind of a man I want to marry and what kind of a man I would stay away from.

    May Allah make this time easy for you. Do not give up hope. Talk to your friends, I am sure they went through and are going through the same things too. They might be able to give you good tips such as exercising, reading books, etc. Do whatever you can to get your mind off of him (everything that is HALAL, do not get into another relationship or do anything that is haram to get your mind off of him) and soon your mind will automatically switch to something else whenever you think about him and then you will start to think about him less and less until you stop thinking about him completely and he is nothing but "somebody you used to know."

    -Starclusters.

    • I think even i wanted to say something like this to sister juweriya do not get into another relationship ....... to get your mind off of him

      jazakAllah khair.

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

    • Actually the same goes for me it was my first and last (ya) i know it will take me more thn 2 years basically i cant beleive this its me whose writing all this 🙁 the thing which is killing is that the fact i now he's having all the fun of life, he doesnt even think about it, its not that i want him back, i am alot more better than the way he think, wears,looks,respects.
      He's my relative thats how i get to know that he's happy and was just a **** i dont have any contact with him but just see him most of the time at some get together's..
      Our relation was of 1 and half year
      Jazakallah sister i will keep this on my mind that many go through this, inshallah even i will get over this 

      • Salam sister,

        I apologize for this post being so long but I wanted to help you as much as I can.

        The man I loved chose a woman from his country to marry instead of me and you can imagine how devastated I was. It was heartbreaking for me to even think about him with a new life with his new wife. Every time I get the thought the jealousy grows inside of me and becomes uncontrollable. How could he have moved on so easily while I am suffering so greatly? How could he be so happy while I am here crying over him?

        Sister you do not need to torture yourself with these questions. Inshallah I will help you with your dilemma the way it has helped me. I hope you will listen to me and try your best to do it. If you want advice then you have to make a choice to act on the advice that you feel is best for you. You can't just ask for advice and then say "oh that sounds good but I still want to be his friend, contact him, etc." If you want to get over someone you have to choose to get over that person. It may feel like you do not have a choice but you do. Once you make up your mind, inshallah your heart will soon follow.

        These are the things I would suggest you do:

        1. Repent to Allah: Whether you had premarital relations with him or not what you did is wrong according to Islam so you need to ask forgiveness from your Lord. This is what you should be worried most about. This is the absolute first thing you should do on the path of your recovery. Do not get in to a haraam relationship ever again after this.

        2. Give him up for Allah's sake: Take all of your love and feelings that you have for him and tell yourself "I will give this up for Allah's sake." Ask Allah to accept this and give you something better. Whatever you give up for His sake he will replace it with something much better in the future inshAllah.

        3. Accept that he has moved on and you should too: This will take some time but in time you will automatically heal. You will get so tired of the pain that you will be pushed to move forward. It will not be a choice anymore. You will have one of those "I can't live like this anymore," moments and you will start living your life again. Be patient and do not do anything to hurt yourself or worse because Allah's punishment for that is severe.

        4. Pray regularly, do your religious obligations: Allah gave us these for a good reason. They also help you get busy and keeping yourself busy will make you not think about him as much. Plus do as much dikr (little duas to remember Allah) as much as you possibly can. This helps you keep Allah in your mind and increase your love for Him.

        5. Know about the whispers of shaytan: Those thoughts you get of him ( like "oh he is having so much fun in life and I am not." or "you will never find someone like him or never find someone who will marry you and stay faithful to you") are actually from shaytan. Those are his whispers to bring you down and push you further away from Allah. They make you feel so bad that sometimes you feel like you are not good enough to pray to Allah and then you stop praying (no matter how bad you feel or feel like you are too far away from Allah know that you are not and just keep praying!!!). What you do is to just ignore it. It will pass. Once you ignore these things over and over again and focus on the positive things, they will gradually stop. This is from experience. Oh and Shaytan can whisper about anything, not just about relationships. He will say you are not smart if you fail your tests, he will say you are not athletic if you lose a game, etc. Understand his tricks so you don't fall for it again.

        6. Read and listen to Quran: This really brings comfort into our hearts. We start to see things from a bigger perspective once we read and reflect on the Quran. It is like when you see pictures of the galaxy and you start to wonder how small the world is compared to the universe and how we are so tiny compared to the earth we live in and so on. Soon, things that meant everything to you now will mean little or nothing to you later on in your life. You are still young mashallah. You have your whole life ahead of you inshallah. Make it a goal to memorize the entire Quran. You will not regret it.

        7. Look forward to Jannah: This life is NOTHING and our next life after our death is FOREVER. No emotion, no matter how powerful, if not for the sake of Allah or the love for Him, will fade in this life. Even love for others fade, but in Jannah our happiness will never fade. Brothers and sisters please understand that we can spend our whole entire life with someone thinking that he/she is "the one" but who knows for sure what is inside their hearts or if they really will go to Jannah with you? Your true soulmate will be the one that is in Jannah with you. Do not worry, Allah will inshallah give him/her to you, you just need to focus on getting there first. If you are going to give your life away and fall deeper into sin, it doesn't matter if you are completely in love with the other person and that person is in love with you and you are happy together because in the end you will both die and in the end you will both be held accountable and there is no peace, happiness or mercy in the hellfire, whatever you are even searching for here will not be found there and the little bit of happiness you received in this life will be erased by your intense pain. Your main goal is to get to Jannah by doing the things that are halal for you and what is obligated for you to do. This does not mean you can't have fun in this world or love anyone, you can in a halal way but keep in mind that this life is temporary and will not last.

        8. Understand change: You are 16 years old. When you turn 30 you will not be the person you are now. You will possibly not like the things you like now. Your preference might change. You might get more strict and wiser. You may like the things you dislike now. You may look up to people (like your parents) who you didn't appreciate before. You will be so different so even if you ended up marrying this guy and being with him chances are you might even fall out of love for him by that time. He might even change as well! Marriage should be based on something that won't change, like love and devotion for Allah, because everything else changes. You can wake up one day and decide to change your whole entire life but if you and your spouse have love for Allah it will only grow day by day and never change unless you stop putting effort into it.

        9. Spend time in the Mosque, seek knowledge from knowledgeable scholars: The Quran, the hadiths and our Prophet (sallahu alayhi wasallam)'s sunnah is all we need but sometimes we need help to understand some topics and need someone to help us understand our religion. You can always find very helpful lectures by scholars on youtube and increase in your knowledge (if you don't have access to a local mosque because they are not common in some places) because the more you know about Islam the more it will make sense. The more it makes sense the more you believe. The more you believe the more you love and the more you love the happier you get. The happier you get to love Allah the harder it will be for you to get hurt like this again.

        10. Write down what you want in a spouse: Take this experience and write down what you most want in a future spouse. The number one thing for me is the religion and then the character of the person. Since he has cheated on you, write down that you want a spouse that will be faithful and honest to you. By writing this down you will prevent yourself from falling into the trap of settling for less and you will know what you want instead falling for anything. This will help you when you start to think about him because then you can look at this list and tell yourself that you don't love him and that you are actually in love with the one Allah has destined for you.

        11. Get rid of false attachments: Recognize the fact that you have a false attachment towards this man. You want him but you think you need him. You don't need anyone but Allah. He is the One who gives you the air you breathe, the food you eat, the emotions you feel, the family and friends you love. To stop feeling the love you feel for him you need to replace the love with something greater, the love for your Creator. This will heal your heart in ways that you can not imagine.

        Basically everyone I know has gone through some type of heart break whether it is the loss of a family member, pet, relationship, job, career, money, etc. but within time people get over it. It is normal and it is to make us stronger. Who knows, maybe your heart break will prepare you for a bigger heartbreak (may Allah protect you) and you will know how to cope with it because you figured out how to cope with this heart break. That is what happened to me, I am not lost anymore because I am much wiser from what happened to me before and inshallah I believe this time it will not take me 2 years to get over this one. It took me 2 years because I was looking and searching for ways to heal but now I know how to heal. Now I became more wiser than ever before and I am not going to make the same mistake the 3rd time (may Allah protect us all from this) and inshallah I am looking to get married so I can put an end to these haraam relationships for GOOD. Please give dua for me and all Muslims for this.

        Also one thing, there are people out there who are divorced and they have kids. They probably got married thinking they will be together forever but they ended up breaking up and moving on and get married again. How did they feel? They were married with families joined together. They spent years in the same house together, eating the same foods, sleeping in the same beds. How did they cope with the divorce? Sometimes it may not be mutual and the other person can still have feelings. Nonetheless they probably had experience some time of loss or heartbreak before because they were able to move on.

        The fiance of the man I loved is a divorcee and she is happy with him. So if she can be happy with someone else you will be too inshallah. If she was able to move on and find someone who makes her happy after a long relationship, then you will too inshallah. You just need to heal yourself first and focus on school. Stay away from men who you can't associate with and spend time with your family and friends and when you are ready to get married get your family involved and do not do it yourself or else you will fall into the trap and get hurt again.

        May Allah bless that woman, you and all my Muslim brothers and sisters and may He guide those who haven't been guided yet among us and those who are apart from us, inshAllah Ameen.

        -Starclusters

        • @Starclusters

          Just wanted to tell you this hadith. because in the end you said inshAllah Ameen.

          The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Let not any one of you say, ‘O Allaah, forgive me if You will, O Allaah, have mercy on me if You will.’ Let him be resolute in the matter, whilst knowing that no one can compel Allaah to do anything.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.
          ________________________

          May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  8. Juweria, i dont remember reading ur old post, but dear u r sixteen and probably like others of ur age, r used to seeing the world through rose tinted glasses. At this age u dream more than u experience, specially when you r in love, memories are mightier that the moments u've lived and dreams are larger than life.

    Take this simple exercise
    jot down the reasons y u split. Write down all his bad qualities and b very honest about listing them, remember u dont have to show it to any1. Write down in detail about the risks and apparent dangers involved. Then write down what makes u cry for him. Is he truly that extra ordinary? Or those memories r conditioned (like created in ur head.) Sift out reality from fiction. When one is in love he/she dreams more than what they experience as i said. Its the memories of dreams that hurt more but sadly somewhere we lose the difference between the 2 they r intertwined.Its almost blended together, so that wont b as simple as it sounds but u gotta try.

    Keep urself very busy. You must b in high school now so ur syllabus should b vast, apart from focusing on that do something else. Like join an NGO that works for orphans or troubled women, coz sometimes when we see suffering around us we realise how much we have magnified our problems. Sky is the limit for u do whatever u find rewarding. If u love animals borrowing some1s pet for a few days or getting ur own could b a good idea provided ur parents feel the same. Its very rewarding and will make u feel responsible. Getting a new pet will also keep u very busy. Ur desire to love and get it back will b fulfilled and u will c how animals love unconditionally but if u arent an animal lover there r still lots of options all u need to do is think about something else (other than ur ex).

    Make a schedule for ibadah. Get a biography of prophet Muhammed saw . Reading about his struggles and relationships with different people will answer most of ur questions. Read or listen to the tafseer (in depth analysis of quran). Watch islamic speeches or attend seminars. Make a personal diary that should record ur daily zikr. Try to learn short surahs.

    Keep urself busy with constructive activities that will help u to grow and make a conscious effort to steer his thoughts off ur head. U have just gotten urself out of a haram relationship and so Allah has better plans for u. Trust Him.

    May Allah bless u.
    Assalam'alykum.

      • Ok im back here more so coz i got the links of juweriya's older posts. Jazak Allah Khair brother Ali.
        Sister im sure u can imagine this situation. A child who is facinated by a burning candle plays with its flame and burns his finger and goes to his mother for comfort, the same person whose warnings he had ignored earlier. Now he needs 2 things :relief from the pain and comfort for the shock.

        Sister u have been adviced earlier for the same problem. The advices r like a medicine for ur blister. No matter how many u get the effect wont vary. Ur blister will take its time to heal. Since u r young and Alhamdolillah havnt experienced more painful wounds this one will naturally look gigantic, but as u mature and c the reality of this life u will soon develop the sense to move ahead of it.

        No matter how many posts u put up here my dear, this family will ever lovingly try to comfort u but sis u will only find true comfort in the one whom u have disobeyed. Turn to Him. This pain should remind u.of ur major mistake and more than a punishment u must take it as a lesson. As far as the pain is concerned it will take some time just stop teasing ur blister. The more u think of how much u r thinking of him and hurting because of him, the more u will hurt. I hope u will value the time ppl take in responding to u and give us the joy by giving us the reassurance in return that u have moved on. By moving on, we do not mean getting into another relationship. Rebound wont work, it only hurts more. So Turn to Allah for comfort. My advice to u on how to recover remains the same (my previous comment).

        Brother firoze, Alhamdolillah. im glad that u r feeling positive already. We will read ur post when it gets published. I hope u will recover completely by then In Sha Allah.

        Assalam'Alaikum.

    • Assalamu alaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barakathahu..

      @apple green, @starlcusters @brother Abdullah

      Jazakallah khairan.. for your answers.. my post is not yet published but i already got the answers from you

      May Allah SWT blessings be upon you all..

      • @ferouze

        Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

        Wa Antum Fa Jazakumullahu Khairan

        Alhamdulillah. SubhanAllah.

        May Allah make it easy for you and us.

        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

      • Wa Alaikum salam wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuhu Ferouze!

        Inshallah I will wait for your post to be posted so I will be able to understand your situation better and be able to help more.

        I am happy we were able to help you. The questions one this website are different but the advices are the same. As bad as we think our situations are, other people have it worse. There are people out there suffering more than we are and we have to always be grateful to Allah for giving us life. We could have had our lives taken away from inside our mother's womb but it is He who granted us life so we can worship Him and have a chance to learn from our mistakes and get closer to Him.

        Our prophet Muhammad (sallalahu alaihi wassalam) was a very very patient man and he has gone through hardships we can not even imagine. Our troubles and pain are nothing compared to his but not once did he give up hope and faith in Allah. We should keep that in mind as well.

        May Allah bless our beloved prophet (sallalahu alaihi wassalam), his companions, wives, and all the Muslims in this world from the first to the last and may He guide everyone including those who do not believe yet and may He give the believers Jannah and happiness in this life and the next. Inshallah Ameen.

        -Starclusters.

        • @starclusters

          Assalamu alaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barakathahu,

          jazakallah khairan dear sister for taking your time to explain it to us. Someone somewhere is not as happy as us.. i do recognize it. In sha allah I hope Allah SWT eases it for us..

          @juweriya
          My baby sister.. yeah you are not alone in this world suffering.. there are millions of people like us or even millions of people going through severe depression and grieving worse than us.. Only way we have is to support each other during these time and pray to the Almighty to give us a good life. Which in sha Allah we will get soon...

          I really appreciate my beloved brothers and sisters who are helping us to mend our broken hearts.
          Jazakallah khairan..

          🙂 Wassalam

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