Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I still love my ex husband and want him back

upset lonely woman

asalam-0-alaikum dear members of islam

i got married two years before and my husband divorced me just after 11 months. i got pregnant in 8th month of my marriage but it was a failed pregnancy. there was just a gestational sac but no embryo in it. my husband divorced me just after two days of my abortion.

i loved him a lot. i used to quareell with him but did not want to actually lose him. he gave me three written divorces on stamp paper. on stamp paper.

now he has married to another girl and she is also pregnant. i came to know that he already married to a woman 4 years before and he divorced her just keeping her with him after 3 years, no child was born to her. then he married me and after abortion gave divorce to me. now he has married to his family woman.

i want to say is this right what he did? my life has been ruined as i am unable to accept this reality of divorce. i cannot remarry as i loved him much. he was a doctor and i am a psychologist but i am unable to give my mind a relief. i am missing him a lot. what i do now? what i should do now?

my parents are really very very upset. i have two more younger brother and one sister.

I prayed a lot to God to give me a good loving husband but Allah gave me then took him away from me. My unborn child remained unborn. Why he took my husband and my child away? If i do not remarry will I get my ex-husband the same one in the next world? Will I get my this child in the next world? plz tell me i am in great suffering.

- irumhayat

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16 Responses »

  1. Sweetheart, your story is very sad. I am sorry you are suffering. But you know what? this man you love is a waste of space. It seems like he does not take marriage very seriously. He was unkind to you, and he was unkind to his wife before you. He lied to you about his previous marriage.

    You sound like a very sweet, intelligent girl. You deserve far, far better than this man. He does not deserve your heart. Save your heart for someone who deserves you.

    In Jannat, you will get the husband that you want. If it is this man that you want, then you will get him but in a much better form -- in other words, maybe God will give you someone who looks like him but who is loving and kind.

    You sound young. Insha'Allah, there will be another husband in your life soon; he will be your mate in this life and the next one. Your life has not been ruined; it is his life that has been ruined. Please just ask Allah SWT to comfort you, and with time your pain will go away. Remember that you did nothing wrong.

    Please take good care of yourself.

    • iam really thankful to you, the team of zawaj for responding me. ur answer gave me a fine relief. whatever happened to me was predestined.
      i am really going through a great trauma and yet unable to forget my past. i am getting worst mensturation cycles after abortion meaning one cycle in every two months. i do not know whether Allah almighty has punished me or made me free of ex.husband. i am unable to accept reallity. but my ex did so wrong with me. whats the punishment for him. he just left me for offspring bz i got abortion and now i am alone and he has married thrice. he left first wife and divorced her when she was only 18. then he did not tell me about first marriage and divorce. he divorced me after one year of my marriage just in age of 28, after my first abortion of 2 months. then he married third time. i have heard that her third wife is pregnant. but why it happened to me all this. what will be the reward from Allah for me. will i get life with my ex in hereafter will i be given my unborn baby in hereafter. being muslim i need ur help plzzz. thanx will i get my ex-husband and my unborn baby in hereafter? this is my question to u.

      • As long as the child was past 4 month gestation it has a soul a will wait at the gates of jennah for will have your choice of unmarried me to choose from. No one will be single in paradise.

  2. I am sorry to hear about your suffering and pain. Divorce almost always is never an easy thing, as marriage is a union that is unlike any other. I say this from my own personal experience there is a lot of doubt concerning divorce; was it the right thing? should I have been more patient? maybe things would have changed? Did I do my best? Was I lacking somewhere?.. etc .. When a child is invovled the questions are even harder to get through. This is the nature of love/marriage sometimes it just doesn't make sense.
    Though your heart aches know that you are being tested right now,and if you are looking for relief you must yield a dose of patience. Often patience is easiest done by understanding; for a second (if possible) look outside yourself, your pain, your hurt, you longing and see your situation. You are questioning your ex-husband's actions (ie was it right?), which means you doubt him deep down (this is not consistant with sincere/true/long lasting love). Secondly, you used to argure a lot, ask yourself why?
    Normally deep down we know the truth, but sometimes the truth really hurts because of our expectations. And it's our expectations that lead us to have this pain. Right now you've built up a wall of unrealistic thoughts, expectations of your ex-husband for the mere fact that you are human. And as a human you yearn for the desire, closeness and bond marriage brings.
    Trust me when I say this, they are a MILLION fish in the sea. The love that's real, the love that you need to allow yourself to accept will only come from a man that will value you. A man that will value you, will not betray you,or make you doubt their actions.
    All you can do , is be patient with yourself, turn to Allah swt and ASK Him for Help, and for Wisdom in trying to understand why things are the way they are. You will be very surprised at what you come up with. It requires time alone, and sincerely looking inside yourself for the truth.
    May Allah swt make it easy for you, may He grant you ease from your suffering, and shower you with goodness in this world and the hereafter... Ameen

    Your sister in Islam,

  3. Dear Sister Asalaamualaykum,

    I am sorry for what you are going through. You have lost your husband and your child in a short space of time.

    It may help you to accept what has happened though, if you stop questioning 'why'. Your husband divorced you, that was beyond your control and so it was Qadr. You lost your unborn baby, that was also beyond your control, so that was Qadr too. Sometimes unfortunate things happen and it becomes so difficult to see beyond the comfortable life we have built in our minds. We don't want to let go. Sister, all I can say to you is, accept this as the Will of Allah and allow yourself to heal. From what you have said about your husband divorcing you and the first wife due to bearing him no children - this does not seem like a trait of a nice man. So ask Allah to replace your loss with something better in this life and in the next. You can do so much better inshaAllah, you can be married again, you can find love again and you can have children again, but you must allow yourself to move on.

    You may be a psychologist, but you are still human like myself and all the editors. None of us are immune to suffering from depression or other problems. It is always easy to help others, but not so easy to help ourselves. So Sister, you may have helped so many people through your job, now let someone else help you inshaAllah. I hope you will take the first step of seeing a good counsellor/psychologist.

    After reading my post, I also hope you will take out a few minutes, close your eyes and just relax. This man has gone from your life, Allah knows that which you do not know and He(swt) loves you: Allah, the Exalted, says:
    "And it may be that you dislike a thing, which is good for you and that you like a thing, which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know." He(swt) wants what is best for you and will give you something better. I hope the ayahs and the hadiths below will give you some peace.

    Allah(swt) says in the Quran in Surah 57, Ayah 22: "No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees [Al-Lauh al-Mahfuz], before we bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allah."

    He(swt) also says in Surah 2, Ayah 155: "Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere."

    And in a hadith, the Prophet (saw) said: "Wonderful is the affair of the believer! His affairs in their entirety are good for him: if good befalls him, he is thankful, and that is good for him. And if harm befalls him, he is patient, and that is good for him. And this (prosperous state of being) is only for the believer."

    The Prophet (saw) also said: "And know that what has befallen you was not going to miss you, and that which missed you was not meant to befall you."

    In another authentic hadith, the Prophet (saw) said: "Strive for that which will benefit you, seek help from Allah, do not be weak, and do not say: If I had done such and such, the situation would be such and such. But say: Allah has decreed and what He wishes, He does."

    And in another authentic hadith, the Prophet (saw) said: "Every matter that Allah decrees for His slave is better for him."

    My dear beautiful sister, I pray Allah eases your pain and replaces your loss with something much better. Please do sabr and seek help aswell.

    SisterZ Editor

  4. My dear sister, I've gone through twice what you are going through right now. I understand how the pain becomes so intense that you feel numb. I will give you an advice I was given by someone in similar or probably even worst situation. Trust that God has a plan for you and make the most of what happens. Surround yourself with well wishers and family and friends who will support you and lift your spirits. Do what makes you happy.
    Remember that everything is transient. things will always not be like this, there will be a new situation, a new normal each time and you will have to adjust yourself. Make yourself strong in every possible way, emotioanlly, financially. Learn to ignore all the negative and nastiness because you know that Allah is there for you. Open your heart and mind to healing. you are very young, in a few years you will be ready to find another companion perhaps. heal yourself and open yourself for new possibilities. not all men are like our exes!

  5. asalam-o-alaikum brothers n sisters

    I have recently got married and i am a very new muslim i have a son frm a previous relationship. Me and my husband are struggling alot on our deen,and our marraige has been rocky for a while but recently he has got very violent n agressive and i have been feeling to harm myself when we argue,but recently we got into an argument and he hit me quite a few times. He says he is sori and is asking for Allahs forgiveness and we have seperated as a result of this i want to make thngs work but were both scared of the outcome i dnt want to lose him. I feel very lost within myself i have very low self esteem i ask Allah to guide me to the right path,to forgive me of my bad deeds and to help me become stronger but i dnt feel stronger or able to cope with things. I want to be closer to allah but with the way my life is, it is very hard,i have alot of health issues resulting in me being in pain nearly everyday i jst dnt knw wat to do. Please help. Sallam

    • sister isha, I can hear the pain and confusion in your voice. This is a very difficult time for you. My advice is not to go back to your husband. You cannot be with someone who is violent with you. Though he says he is sorry, men like this tend to revert to this kind of behavior whenever they are angry.

      Just keep turning to Allah. Do your prayers, and try to meet some good Muslim sisters who can support and encourage you. Do whatever you can to improve your health and become stronger. Eat well, exercise, and keep making dua' to Allah.

      My thoughts are with you and I pray that Allah will help you and guide you.

      Wael Editor

    • As salamu alaykum sister Isha,

      I agree with Wael.

      You have separated from this man, Alhamdulillah, you don´t need more pain in your life or in your son´s life, ....he will do it again, once they begin, no way out, but Allah has put you and your son on a side, Alhamdulillah, ....he will beg, ask for forgiveness, kneel in front of you, and when nothing of this function he will turn violent again, this is not the kind of person you need to go forward, you can love him, ... but what happens if the next time is against your son, or if he breaks you something, or worst,...

      Even when you feel so in pain now, you are strong to move on, if you are able to recognize low self
      steem and weaknesses, that is the first step to move forward to a stronger character and a healthier life, now it is time for you to move on. You can do it. You are a mother, if being woman you are already strong, being a mother your strength has no limits, ...insha´Allah

      Once you begin to take care of yourself everything will turn different. Chew your food at least fifty times, this way you will get the first step of the digestion well done and it won´t take so much energy from you, try it for a while, see the changes. You need to improve your energy level. Other exercise is to put a hand in your belly and breath in normally but make sure the air goes to your belly, I mean, that expands, and breath out, do this for a while until it become your normal way of breathing, ... insha´Allah

      You are a strong woman that is going through a rough time, please, love yourself and your son more than you love this man, and see this as an opportunity to become your best, insha´Allah.

      Go to your foundations and build up the woman you want to be, insha´Allah.

      All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,


  6. Sister, I understand your suffering. But can anyone tell you if you would get your ex husband in jannah? Not really. Only Allah knows. You would certainly see you child InshaAllah. I know you need an ounce of hope, some kind of consolation.
    The best or worst part about this dunya is that everything is temporary and has a fixed term. This time may feel like thousand years to you but this shall pass too. Make this tribulation a path towards Allah S.W., and open your heart to receive positive healing energy from Him.

  7. Hi iv recently got divorce it was my secound marriage and it was my own choice we was together for 3 years and married for 2 and half, mashallah we have a very beautifull daughter. At the beginning of our marriage i found out he was cheating on me and i was pregnant so i forgave him and carried on forgiving him and believing in his lies ubtill recently i packed his bag and let him go i did not want it to end in a divorce but so much had happend and his sisters did alot of s**t sturring, sorry about my language i just get angry thinking about he gave me a divorce he came to give me the talaq paper we both cried and hugged and ended up having sexual intercourse after the divorce, we have not spoke since but i miss him so much and still love him and i know he will always be a part of my life and i wont ever let go. i dont know what to do im trying to forget him but i cant eat sleep or work with out falling apart. This has also made my iman steep very low and my faith decrease. please help thankyou.

    • Raz786, Asalaamualaykum,

      Please submit your post as a separate question. However, you may want to consult with a qualified Imam with regards to the validity of your divorce; as from the little information you have provided above, it appears that you both reconciliated after the first divorce. Anyhow, you need to present all the details to someone learned.

      SisterZ Editor

    • Sister Raz,

      Get stronger, salat and dua will help you, insha´Allah.


  8. Rumaysa, I will keep you in my prayers, insha´Allah. I wasn´t conscious of your suffering.

    María Editor

  9. " If i do not remarry will I get my ex-husband the same one in the next world? Will I get my this child in the next world?"

    this line just touched my inner most soul

  10. Assalmualaikum
    I left my husband because of same family issues n now I need him what should I do ?

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