I am on straight Path now, but dreaming about him every night.
Well here's this story, for about three years now I been a depressed child. I've self harmed myself in multiple ways, and I regret it! I've had a couple of Boyfriends but I've stopped! Its been so long since I've had one, and I'm not thinking of having another one.
But recently I have been talking to this pure lady about my problems and depression, she's helping me. But because she's so busy she transferred me to her cousin (who's a male) but he's also VERY pure, he's a pious man. I've been talking to him about my problems for about 2 months, when I first met him I liked him as a brother and ONLY a brother, then one night I had a dream about him.... And the dreams continued on and on and on till now.... Right now I have this huge crush on him! Ever since I've met him I've learned to let go of my past and I don't self haram (cut myself) I feel like if it weren't for him, I'd be In a very position now! Mashallah I've never seen such an angel! Wallah he's a good man, and I can't help but think about him all the time (in a pure way) I really want to spend the rest of my life with him...
Today while I was speaking with him about how I'm feeling for the day, he asked me if I'm comfortable with him, and I really am. Then he says "Listen I really like you" and I was very shocked! But I didn't tell him I liked him back (I'm really trying to be a better person than before) then he said "It's obvious that you're attracted to me, and please do not be ashamed" and I ignored it, so we changed the subject.... I have been dreaming for this day! I thought he'd never like me and is too good for me... But turns out he's got the same feelings... I don't know what to do wallah! I dream about him all the time, I think he's perfect, I really want to get away from him but it seems impossible!
Any idea of what I should do? Please help me brothers and sisters! Btw I am 17 years old going on 18 and he is 20... Very educated... Jazakallah khairan 🙂
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As salamu alaykum, sister Allahslave,
Please, stop any kind of contact with this man, be grateful to him as therapist but you don´t need anyone like him, close to you.
He is testing you and you are infatuated with him, if he wants anything with you, he should approach to you as a straight muslim man and tell his family and yours.
Now, you think he is pious and marvellous, but better to prevent than to regret I don´t like his approach to you, knowing he is in a powerful position and that you are very vulnerable as a patiente and as a woman in contact with a non mahram.
Please, tell her aunt you want to follow with her and stop contact with her nephew. Keep yourself between the right boundaries as you have done, don´t let him get close to you and as soon as you can stay away from him.
From Heart to Heart,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Please, do wudu and pray ayat al-kursi, surat 112, 113, 114 before going to bed, this will protect you during the nights, insha´Allah.
You are wonderful human being and you are striving to be your best, don´t ever think other one is better than you or that you don´t deserve good, you deserve the best and noone is better than you, you had your struggles, you repented and now you are on the straight Path, masha´Allah, you are a good , strong woman.
And related to studies, you are just 17 you can still study if you want, it is never late to learn and to study.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu alaikum dear sister.
Sorry to hear what you have been through, may Allah swt help you heal and protect you. First and foremost this is personal and I may need to delete it, but being someone who suffers from (unrequited) infactuation from time to time, and I know how frustratingly annoying it is! I want to give you some food for thought and what I have found out about infactuation through my own experiences. Only difference is I usually begin by strongly disliking/discomfort the person, SubhanAllah.
Anyway sister you yourself are in a vulnerable position right now and of course speaking to this guy is helping you. As hes helping you you see him as great guy. Maybe he is I don't know. But your vision will be flawed - you cannot see his faults very much and undoutedly you have a lot of respect for him. When you respect someone a lot you may begin to think this liking them.
The brothers I tend to have liked have all been very pious, knows how to talk to people, respectable and knowledgable, and confident. These are things I am not, but things I would like to be one day InshaAllah and I think for that reason it is these admirable qualities I want for myself, rather than want that in a husband, if you see what I mean? It is likely the same has happened with you he has helped you, you respect him and look up to him. You have put him on a pedestal. I just want to help you make sense of your feelings InshaAllah.
Feelings my dear sister are not a sin, but its what you do about them. And that brother crossed the line, I am sorry to say. He should never had admitted liking you like that. I do think you need to change this therapist to a female therapist. Life is just so much easier if things are segregated and sister you can keep away from him InshaAllah, it is possible. I know this is weird, but at the same time do not actively avoid him at all costs. This just fuels your feelings in the long run. Sometimes you just have to face the music. At the same time you need to stop speaking to him. I know my advice is contradictory, sorry. If he asks you just tell him he greatly helped you but its time to move on to another therapist or maybe tell him you no longer need his help. JazakAllah.
Another thing to note for future: also telling someone personal information about yourself (Especially when the other is not sharing much information) you put yourself in a position of vulnerability so avoid it unless with a qualified female therapist. If its at work/uni avoid unecessary contact and conversation and try to focus on subjects rather than personal stuff. It prevents bonding.
I know you will be feeling confused like: is he the one? I liked him from the start etc? Can I marry him etc? But if these feelings eat you up take a deep breath, connect with Allah swt through salat or do this anywhere if you can and ask Him sincerely from your heart only to guide you to whats best for you. If for some reason this brother is best then Allah swt will inspire him to approach you the best way. If not, Allah swt will remove him from your life and you should slowly forget him InshaAllah. If you do this properly this should lift a great big weight off your shoulders. Do it as much as necessary and trust in Allah that He will guide you and fix this situation.
Your therapist has opened up a path which is very dangerous if followed. Try not to think about him dear sister, think about yourself - protect yourself even if it means you feel like your being rude or you feel guilty. As that line has now been crossed there is no going back.
Also focus on salat, if he comes to your mind say Laa illahaa illa anta subhanaka innee kuntu minadhaalimeen. There is none worthy of Worship besides You, You are far exalted and above all weaknesses, Surely, I’ am from among the wrongdoers)
Repeat this as much as possible throughout the day. Ask Allah to help you with your feelings and keeping them in check.
Sorry to add a question but once you have kept away from these situations, is there any way to stop or at least control infactuation and the other emotions that come with it? Although this has yet to happen to me what is the islamic 'code of conduct' should a brother express an interest.
I will keep you in my duas sister.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister i think when you are that romantically inclined you should get married as soon as possible younger the better to stay away for sin, if this man want to go to your family and act rightly fine but if not sister just keep away from him you no it will lead to a bad end if you dont, I think most people have infatuation sometime in their live's i think its normal to day dream about what if!!! when your young and not in a relationship, as long as you remember it is not reality.
GET AWAY FROM HIM. Listen to Maria M. She is giving good advice.
Salam sister
you state that thisbrother was very religious, if he wants to get married, he should go directly to your parents. i see your intentions are in the right direction, mashallah may allah guide us all. Stop talking to him because this has turned from him helping you to him doing the opposite. do not let this take you back to dating, if you open your eyes a bit more, you will realize that these emotions were the same ones as before. save yourself!
Peaceee