Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My sexual urges are strong from past molestation

woman in regret, sad, depressed

As Salam alaikum,

I was very young when I had the wrong company, and my friend and I used to masturbate. Along that time, two of my maternal uncles and my brother also used to touch me and do inappropriate stuff. At that time I was very small, and when I realized that all that had happened was wrong, I didn't get the courage to tell my mom that I had done something so bad. All this happened before I turned 10, and soon I forgot everything and began to behave normally with everyone (my uncles and brother - my friend had left for her home country).

I am going to turn 17 this year and still behave normally with them. But the problem is that since from an early age I was exposed to such things, the sexual urges I felt at puberty could not be controlled and I came to know how we can watch porn on YouTube. I soon started watching dirty videos, masturbating, repenting and doing the same cycle all over again. I used to do it on and off, and  no matter how hard I tried I always end up doing it and then feeling super guilt shortly after.

Please help me to stop from all this. I really want to become a good muslimah, but I just can't resist those urges. Also, I wanted to ask when I get married do I have to tell my husband about my past, or should I just erase it from my memory and never tell him anything?

Jazak allah,

-islam97

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9 Responses »

  1. Asalam,
    Sis,all I can advice you is try fasting and listening and reading the Quran ( in Arabic/ English)... Try and find good Muslim friends who will inspire you to become a good muslimah.Try and get married to a good praticing brother, and for whether you should tell your husband, I think sincere repenting to God is enough,after all we are all human and we all make mistakes..

    Try and stay away from that habitat for death is not announced and we have to be mindful of that.
    Sometimes we might think they a not something we can just stop but always remember that when people are watching you will not do it,but what about Allah, He is watching all times
    ..May Allah forgive us all and guide us on the right path ameen

  2. OP: Also, I wanted to ask when I get married do I have to tell my husband about my past, or should I just erase it from my memory and never tell him anything?

    I don't think you need to tell ANY THING to your husband. Telling any thing to your mom at this time is not going to do any thing good. It certainly will destroy good relations with your brother and uncles. How old was your brother and uncles when they touched you? Young kids are curious about sexual anatomy and some times explore things by playing doctor/nurse or what ever games.

    Well you mentioned you used to masturbate with your friend when you were very young. I guess you continued that at certain level and hormones have added sexual feelings and urges as you got into puberty stage.

  3. OP: Also, I wanted to ask when I get married do I have to tell my husband about my past, or should I just erase it from my memory and never tell him anything?

    I don't think you need to tell ANY THING to your husband. Telling any thing to your mom at this time is not going to do any thing good. It certainly will destroy good relations with your brother and uncles. How old was your brother and uncles when they touched you? Young kids are curious about sexual anatomy and some times explore things by playing doctor/nurse or what ever games.

    Well you mentioned you used to masturbate with your friend when you were very young. I guess you continued that at certain level and hormones have added sexual feelings and urges as you got into puberty stage.

  4. assalamualkium
    plz make gud religious friends and dont be alone at any case..if u sleep alone say youre mother to sleep with u...
    my dear it takes more and more struggle to give up..try to make ur self buzy in some other hard work..more strong buzy schedule more option to get red from these things..leave these friends who even make u remember these things and let start a healthy companion ship..

  5. Assalamualaikum sister may Allah make it easy for us. When you get married don't ever tell your husband your past, put it this way Allah made it private don't make it public okay, just delete your past that happen and move on okay. If you start feeling bad not tell your husband your past when he is telling his past, even if he is not telling his past don't talk about your past okay because that will be nothing but the devil. The urges wallahi it is just a test, I knew it's not easy, the best way to start is by lowering your gaze as in stop looking at porn. If you stop looking at porn you will start filling better about your self, I knew it is not easy but keep trying. Trust me trying is better then nothing, feeling bad about is good thing to, so try to get closer to Allah and make dua, get up at 3:00Am and pray to Allah get closer to Allah. The best way to stop masturbating is to fast. Prophet PBUH said fast. Allah is Al-Ghaffar The repeatedly forgiving. Look Allah 99 names, it's beautiful. Your a diamond don't tell your past to any guy the might be mean to you, Allah knews best. I'm sorry if anything misplaced or miss spelled please for give me im fasting Hungary. May Allah make it easy for you, ameen!

  6. Assalaamualaikam

    Childhood sexual abuse is never ok. When you look back on the events, if you feel that what happened was molestation or abuse, it's important to remember that such acts are not the fault of the abused person, especially if that person is too young to really understand what is happening.

    It's not clear from your post where you live. If you live in a country where it is safe to do so, you might want to think about whether or not you want to involve the police - in many countries, child sex abuse is illegal and can lead to prosecution and conviction.

    Children who have been subjected to sexual abuse at a young age can often grow up with psychological trauma as a result of it, and one way in which this can manifest is with increased sexual urges. As well as trying the advice given above, I'd also suggest that you speak with a trained counsellor or therapist to help heal some of this trauma.

    There isn't an obligation on you to tell a future husband about any previous sins or traumas. However, telling him that you have had a previous traumatic sexual experience may allow him to better support you as you work through this - it's up to you how much of anything you tell him.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  7. Theres no porn allowed on youtube if thats the case it would be deleted right away anyways praying 5 times a day keeps you away from watching porn if you have sexual urge then do wudu sometimes this actually helps and keep yourself busy by maybe playing video games or playing sports everyday this helps keep away from watching these type of videos online.Porn is haram shaytaan wants to lead you astray so he will make you addicted then you will not want to pray anymore nor do any good.Stop watching these videos the longer you watch you will get worse.Porn affects your health your behavior you will be from good person to bad watching haram will change you. So stop now before its too late you dont wanna die the day you watched porn you will face Allah.Allah invites you to a meeting 5 times a day to keep you away from lying backbiring looking at opposite gender porn etc..Shaytaan will tell you to do these things to keep you away from 5 daily prayer.Repent before its too late.

  8. Dear sister dont share ur past with ur husband..my advice to u that dont watch any haram..ask forgiveness from Allah sincerely...find good religious muslima for friendship if u r at right age then marry as early possible...if you fall in this sin again then soon after ask forgiveness from Allah..if u know urdu then watch bayans of moulana tareeq jameel it will help u to find love towards Allah and rasool(sa) and also help to reduce depression..may Allah help u and guide u..

  9. Sister; i know how u feel. i felt the same, and it was especially very hard to control myself when i was between 13-16 years old. Its a very bad age, because of all the hormones and on top of that all these childhood traumas.

    i can tell u from my own experience that if u truly believe in Allaah swt, then u will regret everything u do now. All the bad acts we do, they will make us feel depressed and miserable later, thats how i feel now. But Allaah swt is the most forgiving and merciful, so even now u can repent and ask him for help and guides.

    Each time i ask Allaah swt for help, i feel much better and relieved. You should repent and make promises with urself that u won't repeat those evil acts. Even if the shaitaan tries to seduce u, don't let him. Curse the shaitaan, do dhikr and keep urself busy. Shaitaan is very good in playing with minds when u r alone and doing nothing. So try to be around ur family as much as possible, and keep urself busy so shaitaan doesn't get a chance.

    Also if u marry, do NOT tell ur husband. There won't come anything good out of it. Nor he can change what already has happened. Whatever has happened is between u and Allaah swt wether its good or bad. But be a good wife to ur husband insha'Allaah.

    Also if u get a marriage proposal form a good family and a believing guy, u should get married so feel free with him. Because i know how frustrating one gets, and its not easy to control. One feels tortured.

    I hope Allaah swt helps u through this insha'Allaah sister <3

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