Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Struggles of a revert (loneliness and catholic family monitoring)

secrets, hidden past,

Salam,

my name is Mahnoor (chosen for the purpose of secrecy). I reverted to Islam one week before Ramadan 2016/1437 but I carry love for Allah for 3 years now.

Living in a country like mine is very difficult. It's actually a catholic country- catholic government and 90% people consider themselves as Roman catholic Christians. My parents are too, very strict ones. They demand all of their children to go to church every Sunday and celebrate Christian events.

And there's me, the secret revert. It's really hard sometimes because I have to pretend I'm sill (in a way) Catholic. I cannot tell them the truth- I will be 18 in some months and they will kick me out from house. They will destroy my future (I'm in private school in programme that if I leave the program now I would have to repeat the whole high school). I know that because I know them- one of them is agressive mentally, verbally and physically, the other one is alcoholic.

My life never was easy but I don't complain. I just don't know what to do. I pretend to go to church every Sunday but I usually go to a shopping centre nearby and listen to Qu'ran. I need to check what was the mass about because I'm afraid they will check if I actually was there. I'm in this age when teens do confirmation (sacrament of second baptism). Of course I won't do it, but I'm so afraid they will find out. I live in one room with my sister so I cannot really pray- I start 3 times and I'm always interrupted. They always watch me even though I'm not suspicious in their eyes.

I really feel bad. I want to pray and fast when I should but I can't. They even force me to eat pork. I know that in one year time I'll go to university in different country (UK) and I will move out. But I'm so lonely- this country is really catholic. We have just 2 masjids in my city and they're 1 h far away- it's impossible to go there when my family is checking where I am. I'm also afraid of going there- I was there once before a prayer but nobody noticed me. i didn't pray, I was too afraid and I left. I think they will judge me- I'm Muslim for many months now, yet I don't even remember the whole Tashahud- it's hard because it's in Arabic and I don't pray so I don't have the chance to memorise it. I tried doing it with youtube but it doesn't work.

 

But I am a good person (at least I hope so). I make duaas for people in need and I hope  that even if I'm the sinner, Allah will give them mercy. I give food when I can to homeless people sitting next to buildings. I talk with my friends about Islam and I explain them how it's beautiful. I want to help Muslim charities when I'll be older. I also want to get married but to a person which is righteous in eyes of Allah, not chosen by other Muslims or Muslim forums.

I feel bad when I eat pork, when I don't pray and when I lie to my parents. This is not what a good Muslimah does.

What should I do?

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5 Responses »

  1. first of all i want to congratulate you on your brave decision and remember god has chosen you because you're a good and deep thinking person.and always keep in mind you're not alone anymore every breath you take, every change you make , god is with you . he is who always has your back , he is who loves unconditionally and forgives tirelessly.
    please sister please if you want to learn more about islam and if you cant go to a masjid you should watch more YouTube clips to learn more about Islam you should start with" yasmin mogahed" , she's my hero and role model . you can learn a lot from her just search her name and check out her videos , her web series is really helpful especially for new comers to Islam.

    well you know what' is the Islamic ruling on this one , you should come out as a Muslim, this way you prove to yourself and others and most importantly to god that you're serious . because if you put your trust in god , he will never fail you and he will be enough for you and he will take care of your matters in this world. remember how Ibrahim (peace be upon him ) was willing to even sacrifice his own son for god . this is a simple story but holds so much meaning . we all have to struggle and sacrifice for Allah. love shows ("yasmin mogahed" search her name on YouTube) .

    but that is of course the standard procedure and Islamic ruling . if i were in your shoes i would have tough it out and waited for a good opportunity like for example (UK) in your case and than i would have come out as a Muslim. right now instead of coming out as a Muslim i would have learned as much as i could about Islam because the minute you come out as a Muslim they would attack you with crazy questions . so what you need to do is to learn about this questions on YouTube to wash away your doubts . remember islam is not just a feeling in heart it is also a rational thing which you should learn about . (mind and heart) . than read Quran on your phone nobody will ever find out (lol) . like you said you have one year to go away, so maybe in day of judgment when god asked you about this year of your life you would have an excuse and you would say i was still learning about Islam and since god knows the condition of everyone's heart he might not believe you. than again since he is all forgiving he would surely let this one slid like it never happened , although this is a little bit risky choice because nobody knows how much they would live on this earth .and also i want to remind you in life there will be struggles all the time and you will never feel safe until you turn to god and ask for protection and shelter. and do what he commands.
    may god have mercy on our souls and forgives our transgressions

  2. I think you need support of Muslims in your community. This will help your understanding of faith much better and may be try to find a decent Muslim guy for marriage. Thank you

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    Alhamdulillah you have become Muslim and nobody can take that blessing away from you. As a revert myself, I can empathise with the challenges of accepting a new faith and trying to explain this to non-Muslim loved ones. Although it can feel lonely to walk this path, you are not alone - you are never alone as Allah is always with you, and you can count yourself among the Ummah Alhamdulillah.

    Given what you've said about your family, it doesn't sound like it would be practical for you to tell them when they could damage your education and future life out of anger at your faith. I would advise waiting until you have some distance between you and them, and their responses wouldn't risk jeopardising your future. A move to a more religiously tolerant country sounds like a good opportunity for this. You could then start mentioning your interest in other cultures and religions, including Islam, in conversation, and gradually try to soften their hearts to Islam by talking about its beauty and the good deeds of the Muslims you have met. Then, tell them you have decided to accept Islam yourself. They are likely to be angry and upset, but the distance and your independence will inshAllah help soften their reactions.

    In the meantime, keep your faith strong through reading the Quran (maybe get a mobile phone app so you can read it privately), regular remembrance of Allah and praying. While daily prayers should involve the actions of prayer, scholars have made dispensations for adapting praying when a person's life or wellbeing would be jeopardised, or when a person cannot complete the actions of prayer due to illness - even if you cannot complete the actions of prayer, could you recite the prayers to yourself?

    If you have access to the internet, this may be a way to make Muslim friends and feel that you are more involved with the Islamic community. Sites such as this one inshAllah offer Muslims from around the world the opportunity to talk and discuss matters of faith and lifestyle, so through getting involved you may inshAllah learn more about Islam and find common ground with others so that you feel less alone. As always, when you're online make sure you're careful about your own safety, don't exchange personal contact details or pictures, and check out information with reputable sources.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. Asalam Alekum

    Congratulations on becoming Muslim

    Sister be patient, patience opens all doors and Allah loves those who are patient.

    Meet sisters of all backgrounds to increase your faith InshaAllah

    In order to stop your parents from forcing you to eat pork where scientifically pork causes many health risks, illnesses ...show them a video, this will eventually open up a door of relief and slowly they will begin to accept islam InshaAllah, start with a basic advice and make them understand, rather telling them straight away that you are Muslim.

    Also sister make this Du'a (Prayer) everyday. It doesn't matter how many times you say it, but it's always best saying it more than once.

    اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَ الْحَزَنِ ، والْعَجْزِ ، والْكَسَلِ ، والْبُخْلِ ، والْجُبْنِ ، وضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ ، وغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ

    Translation:

    O Allah, I seek refuge with You from anxiety, and sorrow, and weakness, and laziness, and miserliness, and cowardice, and the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.

    Transliteration:

    allaa-humma innee a‛oodhu bika mi-nal-ham-mi wal-ḥazan, wal-‛ajzi wal-kasal, wal-bukhli wal-jubn, wa ḍa-la‛id-dai-ni, wa ghalaba-tir-rijaal

    I hope this has been of any help to you inshaAllah.

    Wa Salam Alekum wa Rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh.

  5. assalam alaikum
    sister wellcome to islam the religion of peace and prosperity it is the religion of creator of all things allah
    so you should not be afraid of anything allah never puts so much burden on his creation which creation cannot bear you know sister allah tests every person in by putting them into some kind of difficult situations
    in order to verify that how that person is being loyal to allah and its commandments.so please do not worry
    allah is with you all the time allah see your situations and difficulties you face every minute so don't worry
    worry plus also i know you mentioned that you parents are strcit interms of their religion what you should do is pray for them that allah gave them hadayat for whole family and pray for your self first make dua for your self
    and for them so they should get hadayat from allah.i pray for u inshallah and make special dua for you.

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