Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Struggling to control my sexual desires


This is my 2nd post. I have discussed engagement issue in first one. As I am 21 years old. and now I have sexual desires. I have this since long time and I used to watch videos ( not porn but cuddling and kissing scenes) whenever I felt desire. but now since a month I am into sexting. I don't watch videos now. That made me feel bad, and I never masturbate, although the people I chat ask me to do so but I am afraid and I don't. And I wanna chat more as my desire is not fulfilled by only chatting.

I did not know anything at first about sex sexting. I joined a site for improving English and there I met a Swedish guy. We exchanged messenger ids and started chatting .. my intention was pure.. we talked and once he kissed me on voice chat. I ignored thinking it is his culture. But as time passed he proceeded and started dirty chat. I stopped him and he stop. Then there was a time I need that and I messaged him that I need to talk to you. He was happy and he chatted but fortunately our timings were different so we were not online same time and I stopped.

But then I added random people from a site where I put my messenger id and I started to chat with different guys. And all people are always searching for cyber sex I have encountered. But I only chat with them ... Many times I thought it is wrong immoral and great sin as I am not bad girl and I removed my id name from my laptop and then I again log in..and start chatting..

I know people would say it is sin but how can I control my desires until I get married? There is no chance of marriage as my parents reject proposals and I also don't like proposals as well. And I don't want to get married for sex only. So how can I control my desires?

I do tawbah that I will not do this again and then I again do. I am embarrassed in front of God as well. And one thing if I leave this sexting then I am afraid I would continue watching videos and if I leave watching video I would read erotic material.. I have also installed parental software.

How can I get rid of all possible choices? I am afraid of God very much ....

If it is possible to delete my first post I would be grateful thanks.


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12 Responses »

  1. Dont say your afraid of God very much . It seems that you fear your parents more when you know that this act is very evil and it becomes a major sin because it is repeating more then once and you heart is getting black and the condition will get worse that something bad can turn out of this so beware of the curse.You must be straight up with your mom.Say look im feeling strong urges and need companionship. I want to choose my husband. Besides dont you know that big brothers are watching you. Think of this scenerio. .eg. so oo... you continue a next thing you end up showing your breasts on cam. He records and sends out to public and now the whole world knows. Get help from someone who has taqwa fear of Allah

  2. Sister Fatima Rameen ,

    These videos and Sexting will corrupt your mind .It will make your mind dirty .
    The level of excitement and pleasure will make your mind dirty and corrupt to an extent that you will find Halal sex with your husband as dull,boring and less exciting .
    We have seen people despite getting married going back to haraam way of Porn ,Sexting etc etc .

    So now even if you get married i feel you will not enjoy the normal sex as mind is filled with dirt and garbage due to your online actions .

    My suggestion is to change yourself first .Stop all these sinful activities .Keep your system/laptop in common area of house .Don't use alone in a room .
    Do fasting if sexual urges are too high on a day .Lower your gaze . Don't mingle with opposite sex .
    Stay in a good group .
    Recite Quran frequently .Offer namaz on time .

    I strongly feel you need to purify your mind from this dirt before marriage else you won't enjoy normal sex.

  3. Why are you talking to strangers? First of all delete skype and anything you use to talk to other people. Just delete it now and don't install it again.

    Why on earth would you tLk to random men? It's just not safe. Period.

    It's an addiction, addiction to attention, addiction sex, addiction to lust and feeling wanted...but...,thats not the healthy way of dealing with your feelings.

    You have to realize what it is before you stop it. Marriage will not cure your addiction to online porn, or sexting. If your husband upsets you, you may turn back to talking to strangers, which us a very very big sin.

    Dear, all I can suggest is to keep your self super busy. Work, after work, cook, clean, do classes go to the masjid and don't give yourself any down time. Volunteer in the masjid, in your community and just do something with your time other than being at home with a screen. If you are at home, spend time with your family in the living room, not on your own.

    Boredom is your enemy. If you have time to watch all kinds of filth and spend time chatting, then you have time. Use your time for good things.

    Also, look into getting married. Make dua for a good husband and don't stop making dua. AllH will let you meet him when you are ready.

    But most of all, marriage is not a cure, a partial one, but you have to change your self now. Change your relationship with Allah and spend more time learning about your deen. That's the biggest thing you can do.

    Pick a topic you like , history, arabic, sahabah..the companions of the prophet and be curious and learn.

    And sister, no one is perfect. We all have ups and downs in our's like an ocean. When you are in your lowest low, know that Allah loves when you turn to him. No matter how far you stray, keep going back.

    I myself have gone through many waves, but I'll tell you my favourite dua...oh Allah please keep me on your straight path no matter how far I go, and make me among the mu'meneen.

    Shaitan wants to make you give up on your imaan, but ignore him and tell him no. Even if I sin, I can still ask for forgivness and I can still be better than this. You are not your past sins, you are who you choose to be at this moment and going forward.

    • Good points .
      But marriage will not solve her problem at this stage as she is addicted to online sex chat and more likely she will repeat it after marriage too with new men .

      My suggestion ,not to get married till you don't clear this dirt from your mind completely ..

      A good man for good woman and good woman for good man --what they get in marriage ..

      • Sister ,

        This is not to hurt you or any one .My point after reading so many online stories by various people ,reading many reports on ill effect of watching adult contents online is that a human's mind gets so much addicted to those excitement that a normal sex don't looks exciting for them . They feel their partner less attractive ,Bore and Dull .

        So my point is first to change yourself first ,come closer to Allah and think about marriage later ....

  4. As the prophet (s) said, It would be more difficult to keep faith (and to be on the right path of islam), than to put fire on hand. It is NOT so easy to control our desire. These days we have more facilities to commit sins. None of us is saved from that.
    In Islamic way, we should marry as soon as possible. The more you wait for a better husband, the more you will have chance to do sin. For unmarried people, there is a way in islam to control sexual desire. That is, "saawom" (fasting , same as we do in the month of ramadan)

  5. OP:I joined a site for improving English

    -Should of taken a online English course , or go to a ESL institution (free of charge)
    -Go to college/university and earn a degree/diploma/designation in a subject of choice which will also help you with your future.

  6. Dear sister your problem can easily solve but if you try treat this immediately. recite quran with translation pray 5 time salah ... Don't Spend time alone thats the most important point don't spend time alone spend time with your mom and dad... Help mom in kitchen .. Do house work all the day to keep your self buzy .. Recite tauba All the day .but if you serously want to cure this problem walikum salam.

  7. if you dont visit the websites then why are you asking a question, it seems you want to visit those websites again if no then please let others ask the question and get it published. you are wasting the time of people with issue like i have.
    you have overcome the problem that means problem solved. you are defending yourself here again and again

  8. Don't chat with non mehrems .it will spoil you one day

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