Stuck between love and a prisoner of a horrible phobia…..
Salaam everyone,
Over my growing years,I was always terrified of the opposite sex and I thought I'd never be able to love someone and thus,I'd never find my man in whose arms I can consider my home. My friends used to shun me quite a lot of times. I saw all my classmates involved in relationships or having crushes. I could never imagine myself in a relationship with A BOY. I mean,someone I know around here. I have no sexuality disorder.And I am neither lesbian or bi. I'm totally normal. I remember I brought myself to have celebrity crushes and fangirled over them to bring myself to have normal "affection" towards boys. It kind of worked and I was kind of glad I loved celebrities who were overseas so no chance of any boy hurting me and blah blah....
I'm almost 16 now. Like months ago I met a boy in my school who was strikingly really attractive and thus,every girls dream man. I never wanted this...but since he was in my class and we both were new,my friends pushed me to talk to him. He was,well...I don't understand boys real well...but he never mingled with girls and was really reserved. So with enough courage I went ahead and I was really scared since I didn't except to be in a relationship. He just seemed different than others so we got along like 2 months and all of a sudden jest because of a fight he made it feel like nothing ever existed. I just want you all to know that this was the first boy I said "I love you " to,the first boy I'd ever been close to,the first boy that made me feel like boys were harmless,the first boy i shared my secrets with,the first boy I told about my silly fears,about my phobias.....and when he left,the building just broke. Just because of a fight he shattered the castle i had started building. But why???? Just to increase my fear and to make me realize that boys are more betraying and worthless than I thought would be??!!!
Well,I do realize I made mistakes too. I initiated a haraam relationship so likewise, no Barakah was to be expected. I asked forgiveness from ALLAH. And I tried to move on,...but when in a pile of needles,you see only one rose...what would you do? You'd pick the rose of course. And he was the only rose I saw amongst all the boys even though the rose ran dry later. He never told me why did he end it all of a sudden. Maybe he also felt that this was wrong. Now I don't want anything haraam. So I have been constantly praying so that Allah turns his heart towards me again. I want to make it halal...I'm even ready for marriage. Anything to be with him. And I don't want to accept the fact that he betrayed me. Or played with me. Because ILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOVE AGAIN. I just want Allah to make him love me again so that we both can establish a halaal relationship. Most of you might probably say that maybe I'll find someone in future again,but NO,I LOVE him and I can't love another,at least that's what my heart says. So what do I use? A wazifa? Even though I read what this website wrote on wazifas. Maybe they aren't the accurate method. But is it a faster method to turn his heart towards me? Because cutting communication all of a sudden when I had literally gave him my entire world doesn't explain anything. I want to make it all halaal. Soooon.
Now I don't know whether I should go ahead to read wazifas. I've tried every possible prayer from Tahajjud, Salatul Hajat, Salatul Tawbah to what not? Anyway....but I still won't give up and I won't groan and moan saying that Allah isn't accepting my supplication. Because Dua can change destinies. And I have strong faith and I am determined to reach my goal. Is such tough determination wrong? I don't think so
To be honest, I even did Istikhara. The first time I did it, I didn't have prayers and I saw such a dream where I was running away from home with a boy who really loved me a lot. Second time when I did it,I was pure and I saw nothing. Yet in the morning, I felt peace and I had a strong feeling that what I was doing is right. Brothers and sisters, I really love this boy and he is a real loyal one,adding to the fact that he rid me of my fear at times.
Anyway, So there is this site YaAllah.com which provides Wazifas for different problems and I have completed one course of this wazifa....namely " Pyar me 100% pagal karne ka Wazifa" . For all this time, I have restricted contact with my boy and I don't even open my social media even though it's really hard. So I don't know if the first course has had any effect on him. But I just have a question.... I am looking for reading the Dua of Sayyidina Dawood for love. Do I go for it? And it even involves tying an amulet to your arm. I had even posted a question previously regarding my first wazifa but it somehow got deleted. And btw mis it true that wazifas have something to do with Muakkils ? Like they tease you and all?
Lastly, please remember to keep me in your prayers. Not only me,but also the boy I love so that we can gettogether once again....but in a halal way.
ShadowScreamingTwilight
2 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
I do not mean to sound rude, but are you the same young lady who wrote in before with the same Nick: Shadow screaming Twilight? If you are, why do u want to get involved in boys/men at such a young age? This is the age to make something out of yourself in terms of personality and studies, why are you wasting it trying to be friends with boys? If your female friends think you need a boyfriend, I think you should change your peer group at school. Life is not a joke. You wrote in about harassment earlier. Abuse is very much rampant and must be curbed. However, freedom doesn’t mean that young girls should run behind boys and fall into the satan’s trap themselves. These ’innocent flirtations’ can lead to disaster like zina, unwanted pregnancies, reputation destroying rumors, issues in adjusting with a future spouse... there I have put them down so that you know the harms precisely.
Abayas should be loose. Figure hugging clothes destroy the purpose.
Girls/women should walk smart and confident. Don’t walk in a way that invites attention.
Lastly, if you come from a good home, where you are taken care of, your brother walks around with you, your mother worries for you, you are educated, can access the net, write down your problem in english.... please Thank Allah SWT for these blessings and don’t waste your youth on stupid romantic notions and do something constructive with your life other than pining over boys. Otherwise I think, you deserve a good spanking!
If you are somebody else, then ofcourse certain parts of the comment do not apply to you.
Hello and salam alaikum
I feel upset that circumstances in your life pushed you into all these things. I mean, your friends, peer pressure etc..
and " pyar me 100 percent pagal karne ka tariqa sounds hilarious....
But it could prove very dangerous for you too.. Wazifas do work, they do have an impact IF given by proper religious authorities like learned scholars and Shaykhs , and then with their ijaza, you can try them. And mostly these wazifas are given to help your spiritual progress and to be closer to Allah, not for mundance issues. But im afraid those found on internet are not credible, and can even harm you.
we have this belief that Allah gives us the rizq, and a religious friend told me spouse is part of the rizq too. So trust Him for HIS timing will be perfect. Make dua in tahajud and things will improve..