Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Suicidal at 31

Isolation can destroy our perspective and leave us depressed
Isolation can destroy our perspective and leave us depressed


I hope you will respond to my question ya akhi, I'm a 31 yr old female and I dread turning 32. My life is so empty and pointless, I don't think I want a point. I'd prefer to die than to carry on living. I'm isolating myself more and more. I don't even spend time with my family, I just stay alone in my room all the time now. I am at a loss as to what I can do. Is it haram to ask for Allah to bring death oneself?

- Upset Sister

Wael's Answer:

Dear Upset Sister, As-salamu alaykum,

Isolation of the kind you are describing can be terrible. It's like being in prison and it can drain you of your hope, and make you forget all the joys of life, and all the gifts that Allah has given you. You lose your perspective and see only what you are lacking, instead of your blessings. Just like the image at the top. You lose sight of aything outside your confined space, so naturally it seems like there is nothing to live for.

Suicide is never, never the answer! And you must never pray for death. Your time is appointed and will come when Allah ordains it. In the meantime, you must know that your life has meaning and purpose. Allah put you here on this earth for a reason. You are a unique person, the only one of your kind in the universe, and as such you are a treasure. Just as Allah created the stars, the oceans, and the majestic trees, He created you. And in fact you dwarf them, because you are a creature of complexity and free will.

I don't know enough about your situation to make specific recommendations. The first thing you need to do is see a doctor, because you may be clinically depressed and it may be treatable with medication.

Also, it's obvious that you need to make some serious changes. Maybe you feel that making changes is too difficult, but what have you got to lose? In that image at the top, that shack looks awful, like a nightmare place to be. But when you walk outside, and down the steps, and the fog lifts, you find yourself surrounded by beauty, with the sun coming up and the world full of promise:

A beautiful beach at sunrise. The same place can look very different when your perspective changes.
A beautiful beach at sunrise. The same place can look very different when your perspective changes.

You must find something that gives you joy and pleasure in life, and devote yourself to it. Get out of the house and become part of something. If you don't have a job, then do volunteer work. The writer of one of our sister sites,, has been volunteering at a local hospital for years and she finds it very rewarding.

Share your burdens with Allah. Ask Him to help you and make your life easier. The Quran says, "Whoever is conscious of Allah, Allah makes for him a way out, and provides for him from a direction he does not expect." Allah can help you solve your problems and find your way to a better life.

I also want you to read the advice I gave a few years ago to another sister who was feeling suicidal. Much of that advice applies to your situation as well. You can read it here:

I Committed Sins and I Hate My Life

Sister, hang in there. Things will get better, Insha'Allah. After all, they can't get worse, right? 🙂 Feel free to write back to me anytime. I care about you and I will keep you in my duaa.

And Allah knows best.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, I invite you to post your comments below.

(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.

Best regards,. - Wael Abdelgawad Marriage Advice Muslim Matrimonial Service

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8 Responses »

  1. salam sister,

    well i been in this phase of life too, do u mind if i can ask where are you, and i can guarentee u that with past facts and realities and a chit chat will help u alot, so if u can u can send me an email and we will discuss it at ...........

  2. Change change cry dua salaah quraan fast this is life.not luxury or ease or one hundred percent peace that will be in jannah not here sister accept it.

  3. what have you prepared for death? we all are destined to die so why rush to your death? instead pray to allah to save you from the torment of the grave and the blazin hell fire which will be better for you. dont you have friends who you could turn to? sister what ever your problem you have i am here for you, willing to listen and give a helping hand best of my ability inshallah(take death as a reminder once your gone then thats the end your past, present n future will be gone with you)

  4. from reading this i assume youve hit a ruff patch. been there, done that. youve got a lot more to live for than to die for. and just think of how much grief you would bring to everyone you know if u were to it up.
    if those words dont help, keep busy with something you love to do, and BREAK DOWN THE WALLS!!!! since uve been isolating ur self from your family and such the best thing u can do is start breaking down the walls, one by one pull the bricks apart, get out there again!!!! like i said, live it up, youve got a lot more to live for than die for




    mail me

    (Do not post your email address here please. It is not allowed. - Editor)

  6. Hang in there sister, life WILL get better, you have the tools and the resources to make your life better, seek guidance from Allah.

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