Islamic marriage advice and family advice



For about a couple of months now i can't get the thought of suicide out of my head. I have so much self hatred for myself I just want to hurt myself. I have self harmed by cutting and I have hit myself before, and i have planned to commit suicide several times. I'm 17 years old. I have missed alot of prayer from the past and I don't wear hijab. Not because I don't want to, but because when I go to school I don't want the teacher or the students to treat me different. I want to wear it and I feel like a terrible person for not wearing it.

My mom says I'm not a good person for not wearing it, and so do my brothers.
I promised myself that after high school I will start wearing it.

GOD I hate myself so much i just want to die. I tried praying I tried getting closer to Allah. But at the end of it all I still want to die. I feel like even if I don't commit suicide I will still be going to hell. Please help me get the thoughts of suicide out of my head. And get closer to Allah.


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17 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, I'm so sorry things are hard for you just now. Remember that Allah is always with you, and that He is Most Merciful. He knows our intentions and how hard we try to follow the straight path.

    From what you've written, I think you'd benefit from having a trained counsellor to talk with about what you're going through, so I'd recommend speaking with your GP or family doctor about what you've been feeling and the thoughts you've been having about hurting yourself or ending your life. Don't worry about them judging you - their job is to help people so be honest and open up to them. It might be easier for you to speak with them in private, so maybe make an appointment to see them by yourself?

    If you think you might act on your thoughts of hurting yourself or trying to commit suicide, it's important to seek help right away - go to your doctor or local hospital's emergency department. There should be counsellors or doctors there who have experience in supporting young people who are suicidal or distressed, inshaAllah.

    Wearing hijab can be very hard. But for some reason people don't often talk with each other about how hard it can be. Particularly in the current political climate, it can be stressful to walk down the street or along a corridor in hijab, so don't feel that you're alone in finding it hard. It's doubly hard, I think, for young women such as yourself, who are at a stage in life where anything that marks a person out as being "different" may be seen as a bad thing by their peer group.

    But remember why we wear it - because it is guidance from Allah, and intended to protect us. Maybe learn more about the reasons for wearing hijab, different people's experiences wearing it, and speak with other sisters about how they started wearing it. That way you can get more information and understand it a bit more.

    I think that you've already made more progress than you are giving yourself credit for: you've identified that it is something you need to do; you've thought about why you aren't doing it; you want to do it; and you're starting to think about how to achieve your goal. These are all positive things - mashaAllah.

    Finding it difficult to start wearing hijab doesn't mean you are a bad person. It means you are a person who is finding something difficult. There's a big difference between wanting to do it but struggling, and just not caring.

    Sometimes our families may think they are encouraging us to do something, but in fact their efforts make us feel worse about ourselves. Maybe speak with your mum about how upset you are feeling, and how you feel worse when your family say you are bad. You could even ask her for help and advice - after all, at some point in her life, she was a young woman who made a decision about wearing hijab. Remember that your family love you, and inshaAllah they would not want to hurt or upset you.

    Take the opportunity this Ramadan to read and study the Quran, establish good habits about being regular for prayers and dressing modestly (even if you are still working towards wearing hijab, you can make progress in ensuring you are covering your arms and legs, that your clothes aren't tight-fitting, etc. - small changes can make a big difference), and make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who inspire you to follow Islam. Why not see if there are any youth projects or study groups in your area, or get involved in some charity work in your community? Also, why not try to learn more about the inspirational women of Islamic history - that way, when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, you can inshaAllah think of the examples they set for us.

    May Allah protect you and help you always remember that He is with you.

    Midnightmoon editor

  2. Salam Al Aleykoum sister,
    You are so young and have a blessed lifetime ahead of you. Please do not hurt yourself. From your post, I can tell you have goodness and fear of Allah (S.W). Allah (S.W) has blessed you and at such a young age you are aware of your duties as a Muslima. If you take small steps and keep increasing them, you will be an amazing Muslima in sha Allah. You can't change overnight, but start by praying Isha every night, then Duhr and Isha and before you know it you will be able to pray all five prayers.
    As for hijab, try not exposing yourself in the meantime. You could consider wearing turbans too.
    May Allah (S.W) protect you, give you the strength you need and assist you.

  3. I m just fed up of this world and also of my life

    • aisha: I m just fed up of this world and also of my life

      What can make your life full of joy?
      Do you have close friends?
      Do you like to help others?
      Do you have any suggestions for amy8?

  4. I m freaking thinking hell about this world I m fed up

  5. live for the creator, not for the creatures..

  6. Sister,

    Suicide is not the answer to your problems. My son suffers from severe bouts of depression that come and go. I know sometimes he also feels like ending his life just like you. So...from a parents perspective, I do understand the struggles that you are facing. However, ending ones life is not only a horrible is very selfish on the part of those who partake in it. Sister, we all struggle with ups and downs in our lives but that does not mean instead of facing our difficulties, we take the cowards way out and end our lives. No...we take steps to change it.

    Keeping all these pent up feelings inside you is not good for your state of mind and it is imperative that you talk with someone. After a search on the web, I found the following website:

    You can call them or even click a button to chat with someone. You can even give them a fake name if you do not want to tell them your name. They are there to help you in any way that they can. They are not there to judge you in any way...only to reach a hand out to you and hold on tight. If you don't reach out to them, reach out to someone and get some help. It really is a crucial step in order to help you be able to help yourself.

    Take care and are not alone.


    • Najah play deen in your house there are two ayats that get rid of bad spirits surit al Kursi and I can't remember the other but u can search it on google type in Islamic/deen to get rid o bad spirits also play deen in ur house with it son sat there fast and pray

    • Najah, your so right thank you for sharing your words

  7. Amy/ashia you are so young and your life is precious suicide is not the way it won't help you at all it will just take ur life away and leave your family in so much pain and missery and that is not worth it believe me it will be a regret. Please don't harm yourself nor think of suicide.

    You have your whole life ahead of you you have so much to gain and achieve you just don't know it yet we all go through bad times for a reason we suffer but not enough to push is over the edge you need to be strong so please be strong and just know everything will get better believe me and the fact that ur thinking about religion so soon and so young is precious and so good everything you feel upset and angry speak to god if people are around u and u don't want them to hear u do it in your head. Ask him for help. Say agoozoo belahi meena shaytan el Rajeem bismilahi Rahman el raheem each time u have bad thoughts also listen to surit el Kursi on YouTube and prayers instead of music.

    Do not worry about what anyone in your school will think about u because they are just people who are in ur school after school u will never have to see nor speak to these people again and ur school year will fly by. Just be you do what makes u happy and you try your best in school work and study so u get good grades u don't need to worry about wearing the hijab yet although if u did now it would be so good and so much better for u to pray and learn seen it will calm you down and make u feel better never be ashamed of wearing it though because u are lucky to be a Muslim it's an amazing religion everything good in the world that we have such as schools algebra human rights etc is learnt from Islam.

    You will not go to hell because ur not wearing it now and u are not a bad person u just have silly thpughts and u need help an advice because u are so young and not doing anything bad. What make u think u are going to hell?? However god wouldn't be happy with knowing Uve chosen to harm urself or plan to kill urself when he has given u a good family food a good home an education unlike people in Africa etc

  8. Why do you hate yourself ?
    What do you hate about urself ??
    What makes u angry??
    What upsets you???
    What were u thinking about before u self harmed???

    Talk to me and I will help you

    Also keep into account if u keep self harming the marks will stay so stop doing it. Every time u think of doing it think am better then this am not doing it I don't need to Hurt myself am a strong person. Because u are a strong person who will stop harming urself and having these thought because they are not good and will not help you what will help you is thinking on the brights see and knowing your life will get so good and ur family love u ur mum and brothers only tell u ur bad do not wearing the hijab because they love you and care about you and they want the best for you and they know ur not a bad person because ur not wearing it they know ur still young and they tell u that because they want u to wear it

    One day u will look back at this and think u we're being silly only because u were young and didn't know what to do I have been in a similar situation when I was ur age however I didn sel harm.

    Don't watch horror movies !! Or similar things watch comedy or cartoons,,,

    When ur upset read or draw , read about Islam it's so nice to read about

  9. thank you every one for helping me with this. I been having a hard time and your answers really helped me.
    So thank you so much

  10. Sister if you live in the USA please call this number now !!!!!
    It's the national suicide hotline. Please I beg you to call now sister Amy8.
    They can help you!!!!

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