Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sunni versus Shia marriage conflict

Asalaamulikum..  I am a revert sister in distress - may Allah swt guide me.

My husband is Shia and I an Sunni..  When we married I was very new to Islam and my husband was not practising although I was trying to.

After the five years we have had lots of problems such as him spending all his weekends with his friends, violence and aggression from him, close relationships with women (declaring love through text messages to his hindu colleague) etc etc..  Now he appears to have changed and is practising, but now we have a lot of conflict because he is now practising jaffari shia beliefs, which include not following sunni and hadith, believing in the 12 imans, mutah etc..  This wasn't too much of a problem when he wasn't practising because he never discussed them.

I really didn't know enough about the deen when I reverted to think this would be a problem as those around me (non practising Muslim friends) said my husband was of good character..  Now my iman and iklas has grown I am strongly committed to the Sunni branch of Islam and want to now do everything I can to please Allah swt only.

Our relationship is breaking down as I cannot forget the pain and neglect from his past behaviour plus there is a lot of conflict about his views. I have tried being patient for so long that now I have reached my limit..  Is there sin on me for requesting seperation? I am worried about the wrath of Allah swt but I know we shouldn't have to be forced to stay when we are very unhappy.

We have two young sons who I love very deeply.


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12 Responses »

  1. salaam.

    i was married to a shia and im a sunni. trust me it never works. sunni and shia sects are so different and they beleive in taqqiyah which is basically lying as part of their religion. i have a baby son n i left before baby was born because i did not want himbto raise my baby as a shia and religion is far more important then a man. for the sake of ur religion leave him. he will try to make ur child into a shia. if u need help email me we will talk...

    salaam

    • salaam, can i have ur email address to further talk about the situation beacause on e of my family members is going through the sunni and shia situation we are sunni but she refuses to listen that marrying a shia is invalid

      • Hanifa, I suggest that you post your comment here, or post your own question, instead of trying to correspond privately with the sister. There is no benefit in corresponding privately with her.

    • the only taqqiyah about your email is your lying sweetheart... shia are just like sunni we blieve in the same book, we pray 5 faryathat and we fast ramthan. all the same the only differnt is the confilict between shia and sunna over ahla al beat, WHICH NEEDS NO BRAINIER, IF u love prophet Mohamed s.a.w YOU HAVE TO LOVE HIS FAMILY ALSO, and i know sunnie dont even know who the family members of al nabi are.. soo and all i can say may Allah help you because just through your word i can feel the hate you have toward shia... BUT WE WILL LET GOD JUDGE IN JUDGEMENT DAY WHO IS RIGHT AND WHO IS WRONG..

      • One person posted a divisive comment to start, and a few people corrected her. I think there's no reason to continue being angry or blaming each other. I'm going to leave this post open to further comments for now, but they have to be positive and constructive comments, not insulting or demeaning each other, or I will shut down the comments on this post.

  2. Thats terrible advice! First of all, Shia & Sunni sects are not so different, both believe in One God and the same Prophet, both pray 5 times, both have the same Kiblah, both have the same Quran. I understand divorce is sometimes a necessity, but if you simply want to divorce just becase you follow different schools of thought, its wrong, think about the children too. Sunnis and Shias have inter-married for centuries without any problems. Muslim ulema have allowed differences in opinions, it doesnt have to be a huge issue. If you can both respect each other's differences and unite under the common beliefs. Why dont you both first be muslim? Do you think the Prophet (saw) didnt have any problems with his wives? If your husband is beating you up, then of course I understand why you would want a divorce but if its just a case of following different schools, think again. The jaffari school is not so different to the Hanafi and Maliki schools since Imam Jafar Sadiq was the teacher of Imam Hanafi and Imam Maliki. Inshallah you will decide whats best, Allahu Alim.

  3. Bismallahir Rahmanir Raheem

    I'm only going to say this ONE time.

    IF YOU BELIEVE IN ALLAH (SWT) AS YOUR LORD AND
    THE ONE AND ONLY GOD WHO HAS NO PARTNERS WHATSOEVER
    AND YOU SUBMIT YOUR WILL TO HIM ONLY.
    AND YOU BELIEVE THAT MUHAMMAD (SAAW)
    IS HIS LAST AND FINAL MESSENGER
    THEN YOU ARE A MUSLIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    PERIOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THIS
    SHIA AND SUNNI ISSUE
    I'M A SHIA MUSLIM AND I FOLLOW THE JAFFARI SCHOOL OF
    THOUGHT BUT DOES THAT MAKE ME
    ANY LESS OF A MUSLIM? DOES IT????
    I BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING THAT ANY MAINSTREAM
    MUSLIM BELIEVES IN.
    I ALWAYS PRAY 5 TIMES A DAY AND FAST DURING
    THE HOLY MONTH OF RAMADAN.
    AND I'M GONNA START PAYING MY ZAKAT SOON INSHALLAH
    AND INSHALLAH MAKE HAJJ SOON.
    THIS IS WHAT MAKES YOU A MUSLIM.
    WE HAVETO STOP SAYING THE SHIA RELIGION OR
    THE SUNNI RELIGION. THIS IS A SLANDER
    AGAINST YOUR FELLOW MUSLIMS.

    THERE ARE NO SHIA BELIEFS
    THERE ARE ONLY MUSLIM BELIEFS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MUSLIM SISTER THEN DON'T
    GO AROUND BRANDING OTHER MUSLIMS.
    HAVE RESPECT AND KNOW THAT WE ARE
    ALL PART AND PARCEL OF ONE ANOTHER
    PRACTICING ONE RELIGION.
    I SAY GET TO KNOW THE SHIA SCHOOL OF THOUGHT.
    I'M A SHIA MUSLIM BUT I'M A MUSLIM FIRST !!!!!
    AND I RESPECT AND LOVE ALL MY FELLOW MUSLIMS
    WEATHER THEY ARE SHIA OR SUNNI.
    NO MORE DIVISION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    thank you.

    • I am sorry that you feel that way, but it is necessary to know what you believe along with praying five times and fasting and going for Hajj. Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) has said which more less meaning that my Suhabahs are like stars in the sky, you follow any of them. You will not go astray. On other hand shias speak evil about Suhabahs. Shia scholar do not even take Hadeeth from other suhabahs. Shias think Mut'a is ok. We Sunnis believe it is one of the big sins (zinna). Now if we do not teach our kids differences between shias and sunnis they could fall into same trap as you are and start doing Mut'a thinking it is ok. If they think it is ok then they will not ask Allah for forgiveness and die as big sinners.
      This is only one example why we need to label shia and Sunni. There are lots of other reasons for it but I am not going to write a book here.
      I hope you understand now. Peace be with you.

      • I have deleted the latest reply because I felt it was disrespectful toward the Sahabah, may Allah be pleased with them. I am now closing this post to further comments, as I do not want it to degenerate into an abusive argument about Sunni versus Shiah beliefs and practices.

  4. Asalamalykum

    So i am a sunni and the girl i wish to spend the rest of my life with is shia. Her father completly dissaproves of me just because i am sunni. now im not saying there wont be problems because there may be a few along the way but we are strong and can pull through. we are muslims. i never seperated us between sunni and shia because there was no point to. when someone asks you what are you, you dont say sunni or shia, you say muslim. we have differences that leads back to the beginning and although there may not be alot of differences, they are differences none the less. however it is our fault that we are continuing with this seperation. we are better than this. we should teach our children to love not hate. I tried explaining this to her father but he doesnt seem to understand but this is out in writing.... people read this and read it a hundred times. its nothing long or hard to read. its simple and very easy to understand. we are one and the seperation has to stop. Allah is one in our eyes. and we love muhammad pbuh we love his family, heck we love all muslims who helped back in the days, we love all muslims who gave their life for this religion, we love all muslims of today, we love all muslims period. im sunni and i dont care if you a shia, you are a muslim, if you need help im here for you. understand this people. we only live one life and its our fault that we teach our kids how to hate and not love.

  5. salam

    i am a sunni muslim and i want to marry this girl who is a shia muslim. i want to bring up my future children as sunnis and she says she does not mind bringing them up as sunni but at the same time she wants to teach them about the imams and shia school of thought. im not happy with this because i do not want to give my children conflicting views i.e. as a sunni we think highly of abu bakr and umar where as they dont and even talk badly of them. this will only confuse the child. i really like this girl shes beautiful in every other way and i really want to marry her. what can i do?
    any advise would be much appreciated.

    just to note - i have nothing against shias at all i am willing to marry her after all without her converting into a sunni. i would never talk badly of them because i believe respect towards each other is vital.