Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is it right to get imposed and be self- shackled in the name of Allah the merciful?

Hope versus Hopelessness

Allah's Forgiveness Is Not Limited

I love a boy who is non-Muslim. He is very much into me and took care of me very well. I told my mother about him that he wants to marry me. My mother went furious and asked me in to pledge in the name of Allah paak that I would not even see him again. Under pressure, I was bound to pledge and now I am not in talking terms with him. The boy took so much care for me, I didn't even explained him what did happen, because of the pledge.

My question is - "Is it right to get imposed and be self-shackled in the name of Allah the merciful? The name of Allah liberates from pains and not bounds you to do what is pure from heart. Will Allah paak be really happy from me by virtue of this step.

Please let me know. I am in great dilemma,


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5 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum,

    Maano I will paste what I had said the other day,

    What you have been doing is un-Islamic. It is haraam for you to marry a non Muslim man. Your mother is correct in her action. Allah's Name liberates from wrong, but when one is going into wrong, it brings discipline.

    Many (not all) earlier religions were from Allah, but in this day and age, no religion is acceptable with Allah but Islam. If anyone dies without being upon Islam, dies a Kaafir or a Mushrik, to burn in the fire.

    May Allah Guide us all until we meet Him

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    It can be very hard to resist temptation, but ultimately as Muslims it is our duty and our privilege to submit to the will of Allah. The guidance provided in the Quran and the life of our Beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) is a blessing to our Ummah, and we should be grateful for this, even (especially, really) when it means we cannot do something we want. As humans, we are all vulnerable to temptation, whether this is a person we believe we have feelings for, a glamorous pair of shoes, a wild party, a dinner invitation while fasting... Nobody goes through life without feeling tempted by something, but by following Islamic guidance rather than our own desires at that moment, we can achieve far more with our lives and find a greater happiness.

    It's hard to give up something you want, especially if you feel it has not been your choice, but your mother has indeed given you the right course of action to take. Premarital relationships are not permissible in Islam, and Muslim women should not marry non-Muslim men. There are many articles and questions on this site about people in such relationships, and I would urge you to read them in order to see how upsetting and complicated these can be.

    I would encourage you to learn more about Islam - use the time you would have spent with this boy to do constructive activities instead, such as attending a study group or doing charity work. InshaAllah you will find that your life and thoughts move away from him and towards a truer happiness.

    Midnight moon editor

  3. I agree please listen to your mother find yourself a good Muslim man is so much better then a non Muslim . Right now your saying that you wanna be with him but later on in life you will regret everything and you will wish you listen to your mother. Move on.

  4. Assalam'alaykum,

    You did unIslamic acts and on top of that, that man is a non-muslim who you must never marry as it is forbidden in Islam and so its fine and good for your mum to get angry at you.

    As bro Abu Abdul Bari rightly said, Allah's name liberates from wrong and if in wrong, brings discipline and so obviously if a person did wrong, he/she will have to face pains, depression, sufferings etc to get back to the straight path. Thats one kind of jihad where you have to strive and struggle in the name of Allah. You can't expect everything to be sweet in life when you wrong yourself and so you are doing jihad by severing ties with that man and promising Allah to reform yourself insha'Allah, "..strive and struggle, with your goods and your persons, in the cause of Allah. That is best for you, if ye (but) knew.(Quran 9:41)

    Secondly, there is nothing "pure" from heart when someone is doing haram/forbidden acts. in Islam. You can never differentiate between 'pure love', 'lust', 'infatuation' etc as your feelings could cloud your commonsense and knowledge unless if one is religious, righteous etc as Allah warned us when Iblees (satan) said, "...I shall indeed beautify the path of error for them (mankind) on the earth, and I shall mislead them all. "Except Your chosen, (guided) slaves among them" (Quran, al-Hijr: 39 ). There is this thing called as 'false desire' which is a type of love initiated by satan, to mislead people and put them in the path of evil and immorality. Since your relationship with that non-muslim stranger is illicit, the 'love' you both share is from the satan, "Satan makes them promises, and creates in them false desires; but satan's promises are nothing but deception. (Quran 4:120). Satan will want his followers to be thrown in the hell fire and so if you marry that non-muslim man, you will be among the followers of satan in hell as Allah said, “...satan only invites his followers that they may become the dwellers of the blazing Fire” (Quran 35:6). And Allah also said, "..don't marry unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire (Quran 2:221). So clearly, satan is at work in your case, so Allah said, “O Children of Adam! Let not Shaitan (Satan) deceive you, as he got your parents (Adam and Hawwa’ (Eve)) out of Paradise,” ( Al-Aaraf: 27).

    So be firm in your promise to stop seeing that man. Its not self-punishment what you are doing instead, it'll be a blessing from Allah without which your life is doomed.".. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not"(Quran 2:216). Pre-marital relationship is forbidden in Islam as you know. Think that you are being guided by Allah, where if not for Allah, you might have commited a greater sin deserving greater punishment. Make lots of repentance and perform your Islamic duties. Forget that man with patience and efforts and pray to Allah to give you a better MUSLIM man. Obey your mother and prove to your family and to Allah that you are a better muslimah insha'Allah.

  5. Maano, As-salamu alaykum. Your mother is right. It is forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim; therefore there is no benefit in getting involved with a non-Muslim man in the first place.

    I realize you are in a difficult situation emotionally. Next time protect yourself by not getting emotionally involved with a man (Muslim or non-Muslim) outside of marriage.

    Wael Editor

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