Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Could I take off my hijab when I am around my relatives?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now, he is from Saudi Arabia and he is Muslim. I have been reading up on the Muslim religion and I think when women wear hijaab that its to keep other men away from temptation. Its stated  " women should cover the specified areas of their bodies which may arouse sexual desire in others (see Qur'an {7:26;} 33:59). I also found that indeed, many Muslim women consider the head scarf a form of feminist expression, because it forces people to judge them by their character rather than their looks.

This is true I have had many Muslim women as friends, anyways back to my point, my boyfriend has brought it up a couple times that he would like me to convert to Muslim. The religion is not too much different from my Christian religion and I think possibly converting and wearing hijaab is a great idea. Now converting would be my choice but would other Muslim people judge me for wearing hijaab or think I am mocking them? The other issue is my family they like my boyfriend but do not want me to cover, they do not believe in it so I want to wear it but not around them. Could I wear hijab and just not wear it when with them?(I do not see them that much). or would that be bad and against religious or cultural beliefs of Muslims?

Renee.


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alakum sister,

    its nice to hear that you want to convert to islam. islam is a beautiful religion and i as a muslima wouldnt even think about judeing you just because you wearing hijab. islam is a religion for everyone and not just for people who are born as muslims.even if you wasnt a muslim and would choose to cover yourself i think is a beautiful thing.no one will judge you for it sister,there are many other people who converted to islam and wearing a hijab.but if you want to convert to islam,please only do it if you truely believe in this religion and not only because of your boyfriend.as in islam is not allowed to have any girlfriend boyfriend realitionship before marriage.you dont need to wear a hijab in front of your parents or siblings but you have to in front of your cousins and everyone who you "could" get married to. Here is a sura from quran:
    And say to the believing women, that they lower their gaze cast down their eyes and guard their chastity, and do not reveal their adornment except that which is outward (face and hands); and let them draw their veils over their neck, and not reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husbands' fathers, or their sons, or their husbands' sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or what their right hands own, or such male attendants having no sexual desire, or children who have not yet attained knowledge of women's private parts; nor let them stamp their feet, so that their hidden ornament is known. And, O believers turn to Allah all together, in order that you prosper.[24:31]

    w/assalaams

  2. Dear renee,

    Thanks so much for writing to us and having faith in us to answer your question.

    The most important thing is to acknowledge the light of Islam and become Muslim. All other things can come in time. And I agree with muslimgirl that you should do so only if you really believe it in your heart, not just to make your boyfriend happy. What if you accept Islam for your boyfriend's sake, but in the future the two of you break up? What will happen to your faith? That's why it must come from your heart, from your acceptance of the Islamic idea of One God.

    Also, as muslimgirl said, we do not have boyfriends/girlfriends in Islam. Islam does not allow sex outside of marriage. So if you become Muslim, then your boyfriend will have a choice to make. He will have no more excuses, and he should propose marriage, otherwise the relationship should be ended.

    When a person accepts Islam, it may be difficult for them to begin practicing all Islamic precepts right off the bat. That's okay. Take the shahadah (the testimony of faith), and start by learning your prayers (the five daily salat). Learn how to pray, learn a few simple Surahs (chapters of the Quran).

    Wear the hijab as much as you feel able. No Muslims will condemn you or think you are mocking them in any way, absolutely not.

    If you feel unable to wear the hijab in front of your family, then take it off. I would hope that in time you would become stronger in your faith, and would feel ready to wear in in front of them. But you can take your time getting there.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Sister Renee,

    Welcome to ISLAM x 🙂

    Regarding hijab- it is obligtory upon Muslim women to cover herself with loose and not-see-through garments where only the hands as well as face is allowed to be visible and no other part. The woman's behaviour must also be modest. Headcovering is also mentioned in Torah and Bible. So headcovering is not alien thing nor something new. It is a command from God to be fulfilled in this life, inshaAllah.

    You mentioned that your family is not okay with hijab. In this case, whenever you want or wish to achieve a certain task you should follow the below steps:

    1. Intention to be for Allah (swt) alone, i.e. intent to please Allah with your desired task, such as observing hijab for His sake only and not for your husband or other creation of Allah.
    2. Then make a lot of dua (supplicate) to Allah (swt) to make your task (hijab) easy for you
    3. After, be patient!
    4. Practise your task (hijab) gradually- e.g. start to wear long sleeve tops etc.

    As you are new to Islam, you need to spare some time and learn about your rights in Islam as well as your rights in a marriage.

    Also as you know by now that premartial (bf/gf) relationship in Islam is great sin. Therefore, whilst learning about your rights in Islam ensure to not to be alone with your Muslim boyfriend. If possible, try not to see him as often. Don't hold hands or anything. Get married as soon as you can with him. You never know, with Allah's will, you might become more well-versed in Islam than your boyfriend.

    Also, make friends with good hearted practising Muslim sisters.

    I wish you well. If you need furthermore help from us then please do let us know 🙂

    Love,
    Your sister, Parveen
    -x-

  4. Becoming a muslimah is more important than wearing the hijab, if you testify belief in Islam and emrabace Islam then eventually you will get used to covering appropriately, but this is second to the issue of your embracing of Islam, as they say you can cross that bridge when you come to it 🙂

    you don't need to wear the hijab in front of your brothers, sisters, uncles, aunties, men who arent attracted to women or parents or other women alone, only when you're in the presence of what is defined as a "non-mahram" i.e. someone who is marriageable

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