Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He promised her marriage then tried to seduce her

Hadith about Zina

Hadith about Zina

I have a friend who recently confessed of remaining involved with a man. That man has proposed her and promised to marry her.

She further told me that he lured her and took her some place where they both were in isolation in a room, and he tried to take advantage of her. All of  a sudden he became uncontrollable and started kissing and touching her body, but she resisted all that and saved herself from becoming a victim of fornication.

She also said that neither she nor he has seen each other naked, everything that occurred was so instant which perplexed her. As she loved him and trusted him, she didn't create a scene by clamoring at the place where they were together. She told me that it wasn't in her mind that he would try to take advantage of her.

Afterwards he left her without giving any valid reason. She has tried numerous times to contact him, but he has not responded positively and betrayed her by not keeping the promise of marrying her. She has repented from the core of her heart before Allah for what she did unintentionally.

My questions are:

1. In the holy Quran it is mentioned that "Don't go near Zina", but she went near zina by kissing, cuddling and affectionate playing although she had not committed zina. What is the ruling of Islam under the light of hadith and Quran?

2. Is any male Muslim (who never went near such type of sins), knowing all these facts about her,  allowed to marry her or not? What is the ruling of Islam, kindly elaborate with the hadith and Quranic verses?


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5 Responses »

    Al-Agharr Al-Muzani (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Sometimes I perceive a veil over my heart, and I supplicate Allah for forgiveness a hundred times in a day."[Muslim]
    The Power of Istighfar – Astaghfirullah (I seek forgiveness of Allah)
    Importance of Istighfar from the Quran:
    One of the 99 Names of Allah is Al-Ghaffaar (الْغَفَّارُ) – The Great Forgiver The Forgiver, the One who forgives the sins of His slaves time and time again. There are numerous verses in the Quran about the importance of asking for forgiveness of Allah SWT. Here are few of them:
    And (commanding you): “Seek the forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him in repentance, that He may grant you good enjoyment, for a term appointed, and bestow His abounding Grace to every owner of grace (i.e. the one who helps and serves needy and deserving, physically and with his wealth, and even with good words). But if you turn away, then I fear for you the torment of a Great Day (i.e. the Day of Resurrection). [Hud 11:3]
    Dua Astaghfar (Forgiveness) ‎/دعاء أستغفر
    Astaghfar means seeking forgiveness of Allah for the sins so far committed and turning repentant unto Allah.
    Allah has created us weak and we are likely to make mistakes and transgress. At the same time Allah has allowed us to seek forgiveness. Forgiveness is very important in Islam. By constantly turning to Allah for forgiveness of our sins, we learn humility. Our Creator time and time again tells His creation to repent so that they may be forgiven.
    And seek forgiveness of Allah. Indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.Surat An-Nisa 4:106
    And whoever does a wrong or wrongs himself but then seeks forgiveness of
    Allah will find Allah Forgiving and Merciful.Surat An-Nisa 4:110

    Allah is Ar-Rahman, the Most Compassionate, and Ar-Raheem, the Most Merciful. He loves that we ask Him for forgiveness and He has promised to forgive.

    Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle salallahu alaihi wasallam said, “Our Lord, the Blessed, the Superior, comes every night down on the nearest Heaven to us when the last third of the night remains, saying: “Is there anyone to invoke Me, so that I may respond to invocation? Is there anyone to ask Me, so that I may grant him his request? Is there anyone seeking My forgiveness, so that I may forgive him?”
    Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 21 Hadith 246


  2. I am not sure about the Islamic perspective but it seems to me that perhaps this man thought that while promising marriage to your friend, he would be able to get from her before marriage what is only intended after marriage. Luckily for your friend, she had the strength to resist his advances. He probably never had an intention of marrying your friend, and when he realized she wasn't going to put out prior to marriage, he dropped her to move on to another conquest. Your friend did put herself in a bad situation where she could have committed zina, and it was foolish on her part to place herself there. But this is a lesson learned by her, and one which will serve her well if she again finds herself with this type of man. Chances are even if she had succumb to his advances, he still would have left her, and she would have been worse off having committed zina. She should be thankful Allah showed her the man's true character, gave her the strength to resist a bigger sin, and caused this man to leave her alone in the future. I would advise that your friend not even bother to try to make contact with such a man. He obviously doesn't want her for marriage and was most likely playing with her. It is painful to be emotionally toyed with, but unfortunately there are such men who prey on innocent women in all religions and walks of life. May your friend find a good man who will treat her with the dignity and respect she deserves.

  3. AsSalaamu Alaikum

    1. In the holy Quran it is mentioned that "Don't go near Zina", but she went near zina by kissing, cuddling and affectionate playing although she had not committed zina. What is the ruling of Islam under the light of hadith and Quran?

    Going near zina is transgressing the limits of Allah and is (not zina but) in the category of Zina (without flogging requirement), and anyone who oversteps the bounds of Allah is a wrongdoer and is among the unjust.

    "And do not come near adultery ("dating", "touching" "kissing" and etc are all "near"). It is immoral, and an evil way." (Quran 17: 32)

    "These are God’s limits, so do not transgress them. Those who transgress God’s limits are the unjust (wrongdoers)." (Quran 2: 229)

    "These are the bounds set by God. Whoever obeys God and His Messenger, He will admit him into Gardens beneath which rivers flow, to abide therein forever. That is the great attainment. But whoever disobeys God and His Messenger, and oversteps His bounds, He will admit him into a Fire, wherein he abides forever, and he will have a shameful punishment." (Quran 4: 13-14)

    Therefore she must turn to Allah in repentance and never go near zina ever again in her life. But since she has been trying to call the man, it indicates that she is not really regretful of the haram dating and of every sin that happened. She should be the first person to hate the man and to hate any other man who is like him, because such men wants no good for her except to disrespect her dignity. She must do a sincere Tawbah, and never go near him or near any other man for haram relationship. Is she asking this question here because of her fear that pious Muslim men may not be allowed to marry her, or because she really wants to repent and become a pious Muslimah?

    "Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves: do not despair of God’s mercy, for God forgives all sins. He is indeed the Forgiver, the Clement.” And turn to your Lord, and submit to Him, before the retribution comes upon you. Then you will not be helped. (Quran 39:53-54) Except for those who repent, and believe, and do good deeds. These—God will replace their bad deeds with good deeds. God is ever Forgiving and Merciful.
    (Quran 25: 70)

    2. Is any male Muslim (who never went near such type of sins), knowing all these facts about her, allowed to marry her or not? What is the ruling of Islam, kindly elaborate with the hadith and Quranic verses?

    If she has repented from her sin and is now on the Deen, there is no prohibition for such a male Muslim to marry her. It's a matter of choice, and what matters the most is if she is truly on the Deen. The Prophet (s.a.w.s) said, "...Choose the one who is religious and you will prosper" (Bukhari, Muslim and others)

  4. Dear brothers and sisters,
    I want to marry a pure muslimah, a practicing muslimah a sunni.
    Can you suggest whether i should look at websites or where can i find one???
    Thanks to all.

    • AK, we've published some posts on how to find a spouse, or where to find a wife. Please do a search of our archives.

      Wael Editor

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