He attempted suicide because I left him
Hi, presently I am loosing faith in Islam and the dua of istikara, it all started when a boy from my childhood and i crossed paths which was 2 years ago. It began as talking. And during time I started talking to him I started to really like him. Also at the time I was praying 5times a day and following islam very diligently. So I did istikara many times for the early stages of us talking before I got attached emotionally. I asked god to please point me the right direction, and not have me fall in love if he's not good for me. My mother and father were also at omra hajj at the time and I asked my mom to do istikara for me too. Everything went smoothly after that and we got engaged a couple months later. We've been together for a little over 2years and I just left him for good a week ago because these 2 years have been complete misery for me.
I found out he was on major drugs and was very addicted to them so he would leave his house at 1 am 2 am times of the morning to go get them. He also had a record. I tried to help him for the past 2 years with everything I had in me to help the man I love to change. Nothing worked and it began to affect my health so I told him we were done and this engagement is off. Today he is the hospital in critical condition because he tried to commit suicide, because he claims he can't live without me. Now I'm stuck and torn into pieces like my heart is shattered, the man I thought I was gonna marry is now hospitalized and the suicidal attempt happened in front of me. I witnessed it all. You cant imagine the pain I'm in. I don't know what I did wrong I did istikara many times and this is the path is led me on.
-Farah
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As salamu alaykum, sister Farah,
I am going to be very harsh about all of this, I consider this man to be very sick, he knew how it would affect you doing this, this is a sign of extreme cruelty and selfishness, you are not the cause of his decision or his problems, he may used you as a excuse but a person on drugs is not controlling their life and they suffer a distortion of how they should behave.
You are healthy, don´t blame yourself because he needs proffessional help, his mental and physical health is out of your control, he is an addict. I ´ve known of kids attacking and stealing their own family to get drugs.
To be for so long with an addict can create unhealthy patterns, if you feel that your roots are shaking try counselling to heal, to accept who is this man, to understand and accept he is sick and to realize you are not the origen of his problems.
Your istikhara was two years ago, maybe at that time that was the right thing for you to do but only Allah(swt) knows for how long and which was what you need it to learn from this experience.
Come back to Allah(swt), Sister Farah, in the warmth of His Love your heart will heal, insha´Allah.
May Allah(swt) ease your suffering and awakes you to what is real in this world. Ameen.
From Heart to Heart,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams Sister Farah
You should not blame yourself for this man's behaviour. This man does not know how to deal with dissapointments. He cannot expect anyone woman to marry him if he is dealing in drugs.
Youv'e done the right thing by breaking off the engagement. Don't ever feel guilty for doing this. You very well aware of the drastic effects of having to deal with a drug addict. Look you were not even married to him and it started affecting your health. So imagine being married to him- what would this do to your marriage? You would only be living a life of misery.
Sister sometimes when people are under the influence of drugs, they have no control of what they are doing. They are unaware of their surroundings or their mind seems all messed up. It impairs a persons ability to make healthy choices and decisions. Some may experience excessive mood swings or impaired judgement. This is what could have happened to this guy. This could be the reason he attempted suicide
Or he either thought of using this as a way of keeping you in his life. He was tring to play on your feelings of empathy. He made an irrational decision.
This man can live without you- remember we all came alone into this world. each one is going to answer for their own sins/deeds. Each person is an individual. He cannot use the excuse that he cannot live without you.
You should maybe go for counselling if you are still feeling down. Talking also helps to heal. What you experienced is tragic. This guy has played on your feelings of sorrow and empathy. You need to forget this and the guy. It would be difficult but you can get through it. The first step is to try and forget what happened. Don't go visit this guy in hospital, don't contact him. He would also need counselling and I'm sure he would be advised but sister for now your health is important. be good and take care of yourself.
Rumaysa
As salam alaikum sister. You tried for 2 years and nothing worked. Now it is time to leave him. The marriage was something you had to go through, that's why it was in your qadr. It was for your own good. Now you have the opportunity to learn something, about yourself. Will you look deep and find the answers? You need to ask yourself why you made the choices you made, big or small. What did you gain from your choices? Finally what is the halal, healthy way to get from yourself what you wanted someone else to provide? Allah Swt is the best of providers. Allah puts those He loves through trials.
Asalamalaykum
Dear sister
The thing with istikara is that sometimes what your supposed to do is not obvious. Why are you making this about him? maybe this all was a test for you, maybe your faith was being tested? please return to Islam sister!
Secondly even though your engaged can you honestly say you kept parda from this guy? did you follow islam stricly when you were around him?
thirdly sister what happens is in the best intreast for a person. Alot of the time people are blinded in love, they dont see signs that things are not right, mayeb all this was supposed to happen for you to open your eyes and to save you from a life of misery? God is very merciful!
i pray you are ok and i pray you find your faith
Allah hafiz