Islamic marriage advice and family advice

The duties of Parents towards their Kids

Family or Work?

My father despite being very rich is very miserly.

He hardly provides to my mother and keep on telling her that he is providing her with the money for the house to run.
Whereas he keeps on buying lands, making houses and doing construction for himself and spend billions in a single year on such activities.

My father is even reluctant to help his daughter to provide a house or something for her security despite he knows that she does not want to live with her husband who beats her and is drunk all the time from last six years. My father is trying that she should live with him and he does not have to buy something for her if she comes back or he does not want to bear her burden.

He is very much reluctant to and is least interested in replacing any vital household amenities that are out of use, thinking it to be a waste of money. When I came to age, I decided to get the amenities fixed at home and he even fought with me and told me that I should not have done this which includes very old kitchen with cockroaches in it and 30 years old washrooms which could no longer be used.

He is almost 75 years old and he has not still given any of his property to his sons and made them as his heir.
He is constantly bragging about the fact that he provided for our education and he doesn't want to do anything more for any of his sons or daughters. He is saying this since he was young in his early fifties.
Two of our brothers are jobless now due to crunch in the market and he tells lies to others that he has asked both his sons to start a business and he is giving them money to do it which is a straight lie.
There are also so many other things.

In summary he has never been emotionally and financially available to his kids and neither to her wife. He just provide financially in very critical conditions where he has no choice despite having all the resources. And he has kept all his wife and kids in peer pressure throughout the education and every aspect of life that he id proving the money.

My question is we Muslims all hear from parents and others that kids have duties to their parents and they should fulfill it. I want to know what Islam says about the duties of parents towards their kids.

Should kids be left alone by their parents when parents can emotionally and financially support their child?


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum Brother Haris,

    I am sorry for what is happening your family. Yes, your father is financially responsible for your mother and his children.

    I am afraid your father is most likely narcissistic. It is very difficult to change him in the ways that he is set. It will hurt you, your mother and siblings if you continue to depend on him or expect him to change. Until he feels that he needs to change, he won't. Because he is blatantly lying to people about what he is doing for the family, the most important thing for him is his image in the eyes of others'.

    I suggest that you do your best to make a life for yourself and encourage your siblings to do the same. Be there for one another and support each other. Become best friends for one another. When your mother is upset, do your best to remind her of the things that you have and be supportive to her in what you need. Avoid fighting with your father.

    I do think that you should pray and ask Allah swt for help. Pray for your father a lot. As painful as it is, do not lose hope and try not to have ill-feelings towards your father. I empathsize with you, but believe that in order to break through this, you must face reality and put all your hope in changing your father.

    May Allah ease your problems, Ameen.

  2. your father wont change. so dont even try.

    on the other hand , you can.

    if you are earning take charge of things at home. yes you can answer back.

    your sister should report her husband to police for violence,take a dvorce and get a job .she can always rent a place.

    • salam,
      children shouldn't reply back to their parents unless it is necessary like here but it needs to be taken care that the child is speaking in the most respected way. we need to do ihsaan towards our parents.

      addition to your point @friend

      • rockstar you clearly havent experienced an evil parent.

        Yes evil parent....precisely.

        no one should submit to zulim, which is what this so called father is doing.

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