Islamic marriage advice and family advice

The intimacy between a husband and a wife

prayer dua marriage

The Rights of a Wife over her Husband

Salam walikum,

I am felling awkward sharing my intimate life but fear of Allah’s obedience is much higher than secrecy of my private life.

I am mother of three beautiful kids. My husband is loyal, respectful to me and he is good father of our kids.  We have wonderful family life Alhumdulliah. My question is about our bedroom life.  From my husband perspective, after many years of marriage things become stale, to bring some excitement back into our intimate life’s, my husband start buying me lingerie’s  and start asking me to doll-up in costumes.

These lingerie’s very from next to nothing to all cover-up.  At times he even get excited with my hijab and abaya and asked me to dress up in hijab and abayas in different styles in bedroom. Asked me to dance in front of him and danced with me.  All this role playing, dressing and intimacy happen strictly behind closed doors. He also pushes me to try different positions for intercourse.

I tried to avoid all this but then he talked about his rights as husband and read some internet fatwas to me where according to them what he is asking is very much halal and as wife it’s my duty to fulfill his desires. And I pretty much lost the argument when he said “he does not want to look elsewhere to fulfill his desires and if I do not cooperate then I am pushing him to look around”.

My question is: Is it OK to dress-up in such manner for your husband in very much privacy of your bedroom? If so, is it OK to wear hijab and abaya as intimate clothes for your husband if he asks? Is it OK to dance with your husband in privacy of your home? Is it OK to try different strictly viginal intercourse positions?

What are my duties as a wife? Don’t get me wrong, I also enjoy when he get excited and treat me like the most precious thing in his life but I do not want to offend almighty with any of my actions. Please answer me at your convenience.

~ NaimaK

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24 Responses »

  1. sister naima

    i dont have any quranic verse memorized at the moment or a prophetic saying but according to my knowledge from listening to islmaic scholars and reading from trust worthy website i am certain of i here by advice sister naima that you shoould fulfill your husbands desire as long as it does not violate allahs law such as anal sex as most islamic scholars would say its prohibited and the fluid that passes through the sperm and into the mouth is nagis.however lingerie and dancing with ur husband is okay .i hope i helped i strongly advice u to learn more about a wifes duty in islam. not from the internet but islamic channels and books.

  2. As Salamualaikum sister,

    You both can enjoy each other's intimacy, as long as it does not take the Haraam route. You bothe can look at each other's body, but he should not be forcing you to wear what you don't like. But I think this is not your problem. What you fear is that you'd be disobeying Allah by doing this. According to me, no you wouldn't be disobeying Allah. Because through Nikah, you have become Halaal for your husband and you both can enjoy each other in any manner that is not Haraam.

    I think Abayah is meant to cover you up totally so that there is no arousal, I do not understand how your husband enjoys you while you are dressed in Abayah. Is it tight that it reveals the shape of your body? If yes, then you should replace it with a loose one which is within the limits of Allah's Law.

    Dancing is unIslamic according to me. There is a Hadith that says that the Day of Judgement will not be established, until dancing women will be respected. So, dancing is something looked down upon by the Sharee'ah. The Salaf even did not accept the testimony of those who sing and dance.

    Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
    Dancing is makrooh in principle, but if it is done in the western manner or in imitation of the kaafir women, then it becomes haraam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” Moreover it sometimes leads to fitnah, because the dancer may be a young, beautiful woman, so the other women are tempted. Even if she is among other women, the other women may do things that indicate that they are temped by her. And whatever is a cause of fitnah is not allowed. Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, q. 1085.
    And he said: With regard to dancing on the part of women, it is an evil action and we cannot say that it is permissible, because we have heard of incidents that have occurred among women because of it. If it is done by men that is even worse, because that is men imitating women, and the evil involved is well known. If dancing is done among a mixed group of men and women, as some of the foolish do, that is even worse because of the mixing and great fitnah involved, especially when that is done at a wedding party.” Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/187.

    End quote...

    Apart from this, insha Allah, there are numerous Halaal things he can do to maintain a good relation, but I must mention that the relation between a husband and a wife is much more than just sexual.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Brother Waseem,
      I would like to just say that a wife can dress up as anyone in anything within the privacy of her home to please her husband when they are both alone. Fatwas you are referring to I assume are for women dressing provocatively in public (using scent, high heels, revealing dresses etc etc) which may entice men and same goes for dancing and singing (only prohibition I know is using bad language or words which are in any way disrespectful or may be considered Shirk etc etc). Also, you raised a good point about women maintaining their hijab around women (Muslim/non-Muslim) as this certainly causes a lot of fitna as well:).
      In fact many scholars of this day and age recommend women (as well as men) to dress up, beautify themselves to fulfill their spouse's halal demands/needs since we are living in a society which is so explicit and sexually charged.

      May Allah (swt) protect us all from the fitna of this day and age and help us stay on the right path. Amin.


      • This is what I meant, brother Muhammad. Though I am not sure about dancing, as some Ahadeeth are against it.

        Muhammad Waseem Editor

        • Jazak Allah bro:),
          I am sure, I read it on either islamicqa or Islamonline, or may be sunnipath; and Allah knows best. I should have saved it as this is very important issue; many of our brothers and sisters don't really know much about halal/haram in marriage and missing on so much just because some of the things are made taboo in our society which are perfectly halal and recommended within the folds of marriage:). I think best thing is as this sister did is to ask and search, in fact this should be done before marriage ideally.


  3. Assasalamualikum!

    Al-Bukhari recorded that Ibn Al-Munkadir said that he heard Jabir say that the Jews used to claim that if one has sex with his wife from behind (in the vagina) the offspring would become cross-eyed. Then, this Ayah was revealed:
    Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will(2.223).

    They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them ( 2:187)

    You can fulfill your husbands desires by dressing the way he asks (according to Jurists in the light of above ayah)

    But DANCING?

  4. You'd also asked about your duties towards your husband. Read this from Tafsir ibn Kathir:

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  5. I would have to agree with Muhammad1982 that a person should beautify themselves for their spouse.

    I found the site below regarding dancing.

    I can completely understand your feelings sister Naima and would like to say to you that I hope you appreciate what you have because from your post, I would say MashaAllah at your marriage and may Allah protect your marital bond inshaAllah.

    I think considering what other people face in their marriage--it sounds like you both have a very healthy relationship, mashaAllah. People do really end up making so many things haram and not even investigating for each other when in fact spouses should be the peace for one another and truly be the "libaas" for each other as Allah stipulates. May Allah guide your marriage and bring more bliss and peace to it. Ameen.

  6. Salaams,

    I think common sense tells all of us that prohibitions on things like wearing seductive clothing, beautifying oneself, and dancing etc are all made to dictate our behavior in a public forum. When a couple is married, and they are engaging in their marital rights, these prohibitions don't apply. Likewise, the prohibition upon married folks (anal sex, sex while menstruating, adultery, viewing porn) are also very clear.

    For instance, when we say there is "no dancing", does that mean a young girl who is home alone cleaning her house can't bop around while she does her chores? Does it mean two sisters who are having a sleepover can't do some silly moves while they are enjoying each other's company? Or that a married couple can't arouse each other with seductive dances I think if someone were to espouse that they would be taking a very extreme interpretation of things.

    Sister, in my view, everything your husband has asked you to do is permissible (in the context of you only doing it with him in privacy) and actually will boost the connection you have with him in marriage. I can understand why your husband likes you wearing hijab at times, some men are aroused by the idea of having an encounter with an "innocent/chaste" woman, and it's all part of the role-play for the evening. This doesn't mean he's going to go attack other covered women in public out of weakness.

    -Amy Editor

  7. Salaam sister,
    As for what you have said,you have nothing to worry about because since he is your husband he has the right on you and you should be content that your husband is loyal to you and wants YOU to fulfill his desires because most men loose interest in their wives and start looking else-where,but your husband did not do that he came clean with you and asked you to do certain things to get excitement back into his and your personal life.
    So you should consider yourself to be lucky to have such a husband because believe me I have seen several cases where a husband COMPLETELY looses interest in his wife and starts having affairs leaving the woman in a state of stress,discomfort and a 24 hour tension never knowing what your future with him is and trying to prevent him from seeing other women.
    So be happy that the loyalty of your husband belongs to you.

  8. Having said all of this, it should be kept in mind that no music (except the Daff) or wrong poetry (such as that of the movie songs) are involved. There are general prohibitions for them and the scholars of the Ahlus Sunnah approve this position.

    And Allah Knows Best

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Salaams,

      Brother, can you clarify what is meant by "wrong poetry"? I've never heard of this before?

      -Amy Editor

      • Sure sister, Insha Allah.

        Poetry is of two types. One is which is allowed by Allah and the other is which is not. There is a Surah in the Quran by the name "Poets" which condemns poets.

        Allah said in Surah ash Shu'ara:

        224. As for the poets, the erring follow them,
        225. See you not that they speak about every subject (praising others right or wrong) in their poetry?
        226. And that they say what they do not do.

        After Aayah 224 was revealed, Hassan bin Thabit and other poets among the Sahabah Radiyallahu Anhum thought it was against them. They came to Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam weeping and said and said: "Allah knew when He revealed this Ayah that we are poets."
        Allah Revealed the following Aayah:

        (Except those who believe and do
        righteous deeds,)

        Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said "this means you"

        The complete Aayah (227) is:

        Except those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, and remember Allah much, and reply back (in poetry) to the unjust poetry (which the pagan poets utter against the Muslims). And those who do wrong will come to know by what overturning they will be overturned.

        We can infer from this that poetry that involves praising Allah, sending blessings (darood) upon the Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, and what does not involve haraam are allowed, while anything that involves Haraam, such as most of the Ghazals, pop songs, songs from movies (all of which involve something or the other which is Haraam). I call this "wrong poetry".

        An example of good poetry is something brother Wael does.

        And Allah Knows Best

        Muhammad Waseem Editor

  9. Salam,

    Whilst you guys are on the subject regarding dancing. Is it allowed to dance, i.e zumba, aerobics to keep fit? As I find excercise boring, but dance keep fit routines are more motivating.

    • Salaams,

      I personally feel that doing aerobics or cardio exercises that incorporate dance moves into the routine are OK to do, provided that you do them:

      1. in the privacy of your own home with no non-mahrem around; or ensuring that you are not visible to any mahrem;


      2. In a strictly-females class where no men are around or could be around to watch the classes (I would still cover in these cases unless all of the ladies are Muslim).

      I don't think it would be appropriate to do these types of workouts in public where men and women are mixing freely, like in a gym etc. Honestly, I do understand why these workouts are more attractive because I myself hate the routine of other exercise formats.

      I would have to venture to say that if someone were to say that such workouts were forbidden even under the stipulations I outlined, they would also have to say that the practice of martial arts should be forbidden as many of their katas have very dance-like movements to them.

      Just my opinion, Allah knows best.

      -Amy Editor

  10. I always thought that sex is forbidden in islam in all circumstances
    Is it possible to have child with out any sexual activities?
    Please reply on this website only

    • Are you perhaps very young? Sexual intimacy between husband and wife is allowed in Islam and is considered a blessing and a healthy part of the marriage. Procreation (having children) happens as a result of sexual intercourse.

      What is forbidden is sex outside of marriage, in other words with someone you are not married to. That is considered zinaa and is a sin.

      Wael Editor

  11. Assalaamualaikam

    New questions need to be submitted as new posts rather than as comments on existing posts - this way advice stays (inshaAllah) relevant to the original question and so is more accessible both to the original poster and to others who may search the archives for advice.

    As you'd written quite a bit, rather than asking you to re-write it, I've copied the text over to a new post for you, and it's joined the queue for publication. At the moment, there is a wait of about 3 weeks between submission and publication on the main page.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • midnightmoon, we ended up duplicating efforts, sorry. I deleted the post you created, as I went ahead and registered Med Student and prepped her post.

      Wael Editor

  12. Assalam alaikum....
    I want to know about husband wife intimate relationship....
    If due to certain reason we stay away from each other for a long time will our relation be broken or marriage is broken....

  13. Assalamu Alaykum sister
    Your husband is right and everything he is asking you in definitely ok. You are his wife and you are halal for each other. Arouse each other and enjoy one another, you get reward for this. The only entrance he cannot do is rectal. I hope he gives you foreplay for this is encouraged for him to arouse you. You arouse each other. Subhana Allah he is a man with a beautiful wife, have fun my dear sister!

  14. only public dance and public display of arousing actions is prohibited in Islam .between a husband and his wife and within the privacy of your bedroom ,you two can indulge in any sort of mutually gratifying activity.

    anal sex in all its forms is not allowed . this includes fingering , dildosing etc etc....

    the two of you can engage in sexy talk and role play as long as it is with mutual interest and un induced pressure .and as long as it doesn't carry a practical motivation outside your sex life in the bedroom .

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