Thinking about marriage
Assalamualaikum,
As I mentioned in my last post, my mum had already spoken to me about marriage and how she wanted me to start looking for a husband. I turned 17 a few months ago and I'm now thinking of doing so. Last night I told my mum that I'm considering moving forward and told her about the man I had mentioned in the previous post as a potential, however I did tell her I don't mind meeting with a few other potential spouses she and my father would like me to meet as I am open to doing so.
My main problem is that I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready or if I'm doing this for the right reasons. I told my mum I'm thinking about it and I'd let her know in a few days when I've thought more into it. I don't want to rush into things if I'm not ready so I guess what I'm asking of you all is a few questions or pointers which would point me in the direction of making that decision as to whether I am or am not ready. Jazakallah.
Ay
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Asalamu alikum,
Having a husband is a huge responsibility.
Do you plan on studying? If you are it's a lot of work to have a husband...honestly....cooking, cleaning, groceries, on top of homework and spending time with your husband.
I don't know what to tell you about what it's like or when you are ready...but in your heart if you don't want to and if you feel like you are not ready for the next step...then just assert yourself and say NO. I will not get married, talk to me later.
On the other hand, maybe meet a few people...1 or 2 see their faces...if nothing clicks and you feel that you are still not ready then say no. Who know you might meet someone you like.
Make lots of dua, and pray iistikhara. Give your parents a chance and see how it goes.
May I ask you if you've finished your high school yet? Where do you live? Do you have any plan to go further study? Do you want a career? How much you know being a responsible person for a whole family, meaning financial planning, roles in the house, and roles as a wife? Are you planning to have baby soon if your husband wants it now?
Readiness means a lot of things, you may be physically mature to get marry and have a baby but are you ready psychologically? In Islam woman getting education (formal education and Islamic education/knowledge) is equally important as getting marry early. You will be the main person to raise up the kids. Even you are living in the village, you need to acquire some sorts of skill to live in nowadays society.
I hope you can find someone to talk through it. Find someone who married early and someone who married in the mid 20s and some one who married late. Don't just ask those who their mind set to marry in 16, this will not be a fair judgement.
I saw women who married early, like 18 and they could not carry on their university because of the demand from the husband, babies and housework. Yes, they live happily and bear more than 6 children before the age of 30. One appears to enjoy her busy life. She does not drive, she stays home with the children, she cooks and cleans. Is that what you want? Allah forbids, if anything happens to her husband according to her, she will not be able to earn a living. I hope you can take it serious and think about it.
Asalamu alikum,
Married only if you are ready.
Salaam sister,
There are a few ways of knowing if you're ready to get married.
You need to seriously understand your responsibilities as a wife - if you follow a madhab, look these up and understand them.
You should also remember what to look for in a potential spouse, religiously - but also someone with a similar world view as you.
Be picky about a potential husband and don't fall for flattery..
If you're happy that you can fulfill your duties as a wife, then start looking (for someone who can fulfill his duties as a husband) - this should only be the first step and you should take your time.. When the right person comes along, you will feel the "readiness"... and even then, after choosing very carefully take the time to discuss practical things like where you'll live; when and how many children you want, if you'll work/study, etc..
So don't rush it, but meet some potentials.. see how it goes and follow the rules.. It could be a dangerous time and blogs like this one are filled with heartbreaking stories of sisters and brothers who took illegal relationships too far, so keep halal insha'Allah.
Allah bless your intentions!