My Hindu boyfriend threatens suicide if I leave him
Blackmail.
assalaam walekum,
im a 21 yr old muslim girl, and I'm in love with a hindu guy.
We love each other a lot.Our family does not approve our marriage (neither his nor mine).
He cannot live without me. he was about to kill himself but i saved him once telling that i won't leave him. He is living for me now.
I know its wrong to have pre-marital relationships in islam and i have mentioned this to him many times.
He likes my religion and is ready to convert but my family won't allow me getting married to him. (His family also opposes). He says since we cant get married lets continue this relation. Let's be together till our death whether we marry or not. i know it's wrong and sin to continue.
Wat should i do now? if i leave him i'm afraid he will commit suicide again.
plss help me out Wat is right to do now as per islam?
- muslimah12
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Few years ago, when I told my ex-girl friend that I will commit suicide then She said, " You are such a coward! I don't want to marry a dumb kid who has suicidal tendencies. I need a man. I don't want to marry someone who merely blackmails me with this suicide thing".
Ask yourself, would you like to marry a guy who does not care about his parents, family and himself ?
I know that you love him. My words might hurt you. A lot of people would ask you to cease contact with this guy right away. However, I reckon you and your guy are already in the trap of Shaitan. You want a way through which he can be yours without hurting both the families which is a herculean task.
There is this Bollywood movie named ' Namastey London'. In this there is a dialogue in Punjabi,
'Ishq di meri Mitra Pehchan ki , Mit jaaye Jado Zidd apnan di".
It means - The motive of true love is not to win your partner.
You are telling me he's ready to convert to Islam. I'm compelled to ask this question, Is he a practicing Hindu? If he is not a dedicated Hindu then what makes you think that he would make a good Muslim. Gift him a Quran. Tell him that you would see him after 2 months. Quit communicating with him. Tell him that you have to follow Islam to reach me and not the other way round. If Allah guides him then nothing on this planet can prevent you both to be together.
Thus, if you say that you truly love him then you would let him go for his own betterment. Your heart will feel a lot of pain and you would cry a lot. You've to make him understand. If you still decide to be together then its not love it is purely lust. If you both want to jump out of the plane without a parachute then be my guest. But, forgive me if I do not give my consent.
Aafa Allahu Annka
Brother, it is not true that if one is not a practicing Hindu one can not be a good Muslim. Many times, the opposite is true.
And I believe we have enough in the Quran and in the lives of our Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, and his Sahaabah Radiyallahu Anhum for examples and lessons of love. We do not require them from the bollywood movies.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It just amazes me that a positive dictum from a Bollywood movie can be a cause of criticism. I did not quote anything against the Prophet or Quran. I wonder why do we have to act as 'Bismillah Police' every time one has a opinion beyond the perimeter of Islam.
What if I'd quoted something from the Bible. Let's say I want to advise this sister from Book of Deuteronomy, chapter 22- verse 9
No farmer would ever yoke together two different animals to pull a plow; such as an oxen and a horse because the animals would be too different in size and temperament. and he would have great difficulty trying to plow straight lines for his crops to grow.
Since the sister is Muslim and the guy is Hindu. They won't be able to plow the field of righteousness.
Now you would castigate me saying that you used a verse from Bible. Bible is corrupted. One must use only verses from the Quran and Hadith.
Now, if you read Surah Al-Kahf. Allah commands Musa alay Salam shall meet a more learned person than him. He asks him to take a dead fish along with him. When he reaches, ' Majmaul Bahrain' ( where the two oceans meet) the dead fish will jump out and there he will meet the erudite man sent by Allah (Khidr Alay Salam)
Now, the two oceans is not meant literally. It does not mean Cape town, South Africa where Indian Ocean and Atlantic Ocean. Instead, it means where acquired knowledge meets spiritual insight. Thus, to understand Quran sometimes we might have to understand science, medicine, Human Psychology, epistemology etc.
I don't want to turn this into a debatable issue and change the focus from the sister's problem . However, I find your comment gratuitous and completely uncalled for as it was not against Islam or teaching of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon him).
Brother,
What is wrong is wrong. Movies are not something that we should take lessons from, when we have the Quran and Hadith, when we have the lives of our Sahaabah Radiyallahu Anhum as examples. Taking lessons from movies will lead us nowhere but further darkness. This is what I believe and we do not need to debate over this.
In Surah Luqman, Aayah 6, Allah Has Said:
And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks (i.e.music, singing, movies, etc.) to mislead (men) from the Path of Allah without knowledge, and takes it (the Path of Allah, the Verses of the Qur'an) by way of mockery. For such there will be a humiliating torment (in the Hell-fire).
And what is Bismillah Police?
If one wants complete Islam, is that something uncalled for? Is that something wrong?
Allah said in Surah al Baqarah, Aayah 208:
O you who believe! Enter perfectly in Islam (by obeying all the rules and regulations of the Islamic religion) and follow not the footsteps of Shaitan (Satan). Verily! He is to you a plain enemy.
May Allah Give up the most correct understanding and Grant us all success
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother,
'Bismillah Police' above is referred to people who are too dogmatic about their opinion and dead sure about the interpretation of Islamic knowledge.
In Surah Luqman, Aayah 6, Allah Has Said:
And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks (i.e.music, singing, movies, etc.) to mislead (men) from the Path of Allah without knowledge, and takes it (the Path of Allah, the Verses of the Qur'an) by way of mockery. For such there will be a humiliating torment (in the Hell-fire).
The verse that you have referred above is what Ibn Abbas related that An-Nadr used to purchase female singers who would, through their bodily charms and songs, entice away from Islam anyone developing the least attachment to the prophet. Thus, This is the interpretation of Ibn Abbas
The idle tales here can also mean the tales of Hindu idols.
But, such was the case as you have interpreted that Singing, Music is against Islam. Does Quran explicitly say that singing, movies etc. is against Islam.
Surah Al- Isra' - Chapter 17 , verse 55,
..... we did bestow on some Prophets more gifts than on others : and we gave to David ( the gift of) of Psalms.
Surah Al Anbiya , Chapter 21, verse 105
Before this we wrote in the Psalms, after the message (given to Moses):" My servants, the Righteous, shall inherit the earth".
Surah Saba- Chapter 34, verse 10
We bestowed Grace aforetime on David from ourselves: " O ye Mountains! sing ye back the Praise of Allah with him! and Ye birds (also)!
--- A striking example given is the gift of song and music as given to gift. David was given the Zabur, the Psalter or Psalms, intended to be sung for the worship of Allah and the celebrations of Allah's praise.
---- Prophet Dawood( peace be upon him) had the gift of song and sacred music, and this is shown in his Psalms. all nature --hills and birds-- sing and echo back the praises of Allah.
It is pivotal to realize that Quran sits at the Judgement of any Hadith. If a hadith is not in compliance with the Quran then I consider it fabricated. Quran is the final word. Period.
As far as your Question about singing and music goes with respect to hadith, Wael has written quite a few articles on his website http://www.islamicsunrays.com about how Prophet Muhammad ( peace be upon him) unequivocally approved of singing and music. I would request him to throw some light on this subject.
Surah Al Nahl, Chapter -16, verse 116
But say not-for any false thing ( Men are apt to create taboos for themselves, out of superstition, and often for selfish ends, and enforce them in the name of religion. nothing can be more reprehensible) that your tongues may put forth-- " This is lawful, and this is forbidden, " so as to ascribe false things to Allah.
Surah Al-Ahzab Chapter 33, verse 70
O ye who believe! fear Allah, and (always) say a word directed to right.
In my humble opinion , there is no problem with singing, music and movies as long as it is not against the principles of Islam. I'm in no way propagating vulgarity. Allahu Aalam.
Let it not vex you if I reserve my own judgement because Allah has given Furqan ( Criterion) to judge between right and wrong and not Hadith.
I am quite disappointed that my personal opinion to the sister here has been completely taken out of context. I guess it is in the best interest that I refrain from posting on any Islamicanswers.com queries so that I don't unnecessarily appear as a sore head mushrooming an issue which is different from person seeking help.
Aafa Allahu Annka
Salaams,
Brother Farrukh, even though you are a fairly new poster on this site, I for one appreciate your insights and your well-articulated point of view. I believe you have a lot to offer with your knowledge and perceptions, so I hope that something like this will not prevent you from continuing to respond to our questioners.
Each of us editors bring our own personalities, understandings, and strengths/weaknesses to the work we do here. I don't believe any of us have the corner market on correct practice of Islam, but I can say with certainty that everyone on the panel is striving, as best we know how, to please Allah. It's naive for any one of us to believe that our view will not at times conflict. I can say of myself, i've gotten into my share of arguments with other posters. Hopefully we are all mature and purposed enough to put our differences aside and embrace one another for the positive influence we each uniquely contribute.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Farrukh,
You are misinterpreting it all for music.
Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam Himself sung, as we find in the Sunnah. We find examples today in form of Nasheed by people like Ahmad Bukhatir, Zain Bhikha, Mishari al Affasy and their likes.
And we have several ahadeeth that mention Allah's Messenger's dislike for music, just like this Hadith that mentions girl playing music and singing in his presence and him turning his face towards the wall.
The scholar of the ummah, Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: this means singing. Imam Mujaahid (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: this means playing the drum (tabl). (Tafseer al-Tabari, 21/40). Al-Hasan al-Basri (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: this aayah was revealed concerning singing and musical instrument. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/451).
And based on Ijma', this has been referred to music and singing.
A Hadith mentions Abu Bakr say “Musical instruments of the Shaytaan in the house of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)!”
“And those who do not bear witness to falsehood, and if they pass by some evil play or evil talk, they pass by it with dignity”[al Furqaan 25:72]
Traditionally, the Aayah I mentioned has been referred against movies involving sin or some kind also. I agree with the scholars and wish to keep away from movies involving sin.
I don't think I can say anything else to convince you. So, let us not waste time. 🙂
You don't need to be disappointed, brother. We do differ, but we are Muslims believing in Allah and trying to follow His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, hoping that Allah Forgives our shortcomings. So, take it positively.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam Alaium
Farooq Bro
1st of All, All the praises be to Allah,
I appreciate, ur suggestion is the best,
U r really great, I agree with ur suggestion, u hv great thoughts, pardon me, but whatever our Brother Waseem said is also wright.
Thnx n Jazakallah
Wa'alaykumsalam sister,
First of all in your post you've mentioned that you are already aware of the fact that "pre-marital relationships" are forbidden in Islam. Do you also know that "marrying a non-muslim" is FORBIDDEN too, like totally. Eventually marrying him by trying to decieve the law of Allah would be a life of sin where repentance is never acceptable. And hereafter abode is fire.
It might be easy for me to say that you have to cut all communication from this man immidietely, but this is what you really have to do to avoid falling into more sins. If there is somthing more you have left to say to him then do it with the involvement of a third party. Being in this relationship whether you guys get married or not increases Allah's wrath on you and nothing good happens to a human if he/she openly displeases/disobey Allah, I might go on to say that suicide is better for him than to trouble our lord's beautifull creation. We have already warned you about your wrong doings, now whether your hindu bf commits suicide or not, you will not be judged about it in the day of reckoning as you've done what pleases Allah and obeyed his words. You cannot be friends with him forever, firstly bcoz you " loved " him and if you marry someone else, then you are having extra marital affair with him. The sins of being with a hindu bf or just bf infact has lots of disadvantages in Islamic point of view.
You've already made Allah angry, as we all might have done somtime in our life, but there is always a way to get Allah to love you and thats by repenting and doing ibada. Your sins are much greater sister, you've got to realise this first.
Secondly, do not disobey your parents as you can never get your father or mother once they are gone but you can find many husbands. They took great care of you for maybe 21 years and in the end do you want to disobey them and in the same time disobey Allah. ?
Do you drink Alcohol ? Did you commit fornication ? Have you eaten pig's flesh ? Have you taken intoxicants ?
These are few examples of whats forbidden in Quran. A good muslim will answer ' NO ' to all those.
Similarly " Marrying a non muslim " is also forbidden and the answer has to be NO.
So please, do tawbah immidiately and perform your prayers and become a good muslimah.
As Salamu'alaika ya Akhi,
Good to see you back after so many days 🙂
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wa'alaykumsalam akhi,
Hope you and yours are all fine. Thank you and you too. 😀
As Salamualaikum sister,
As the brother said above, you have been trapped by the Shaitaan. And this is very dangerous.
You can only marry him if he sincerely reverts to Islam without any intention other than to Worship Allah, The Only True God.
Whether he does not do so or not,you are not responsible for anything he does. It is his life and he is responsible for what he does. This would have been the same, even if he was a Muslim.
Ask him to study Islam and decide if he wants to accept Islam as the way to salvation. Give him some time and don't communicate with him whatsoever. Because it is not allowed for you to communicate with him.
After he has studied about Islam and accepted Islam by choice, let him approach your parents with a proposal assuring them that their daughter is going to the right home. In sha Allah, they will accept then.
But he might have to disobey his parents to do so, and it will be quite difficult as he will have no support from them. And if things do happen as I said above, you might have to have a home separate from his current family home, in order to avoid the obvious problems involved.
But if he does not accept Islam by choice, you have NOTHING to do with him. He is HARAAM for you and you should immediately turn away from even talking to him. You should ask for Allah's Forgiveness. In sha Allah's He Will Forgive you.
And anything he does then, you are not responsible, as I said above. In order to please him, you can not ruin your Hereafter, can you?
If he is sensible, he will understand and not do anything silly such as suicide. And if he is wise, he will look into Islam and learn it to see if he should consider it as his Religion.
I Pray that Allah Guides him to Islam and solves all his problems
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
Quite honestly, there are some people who use threats of suicide to try to manipulate and coerce others. They try to use the ultimate threat of taking their own lives to control others and get what they want. A relationship with such a person is not a free-will relationship- it's blackmail.
Suffice it to say, people who see others as objects to play with or manipulate are not healthy in spirit and character. People who want to harm themselves or would actually try to do so, for any reason, are not emotionally nor mentally healthy. In a nutshell, you are in a relationship with a very, very sick person, and no amount of your efforts are going to heal him. If you think that giving in to his threats at this time will change things ultimately, I can assure you that it will not. This is a habitual tendency of his, and it won't dissappear even if you were to marry (perhaps even if he became Muslim)! What is now "I will kill myself if you don't be with me" can easily turn into "I will kill myself if you don't stay with me instead of visiting your parents tonight" or "I will kill myself if you don't give me the money I want to get xyz item". In short, his manipulative methods will only carry over into your future and cause havoc on you and you alone.
So needless to say, not only is this relationship haraam and possesses no viable future for you so long as he remains Hindu, you are dancing a risky dance with someone who doesn't see himself, you, relationships, or the world as he should. He needs professional help to find better coping skills, and you are not in the capacity to provide that no matter how much you'd like to. You need to do the right thing and distance yourself from this person, and move toward building wholeness in yourself. If he does do something to hurt himself after doing so, please know that it wouldn't be your fault. He has a choice, and he does not have to do such things. No one is making him act on his feelings and thoughts, so if he does act on them you can be assured that there is no responsibility on you in any way. Allah holds you accountable for the choices you make, not the choices other people (especially people who are not well) make.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam Alaikum
sister
I completely Agree with FAROOQ Brother, plz follow his suggestions
Hi muslimah12,
I have to say that im in a similar situation right now except that im. Hindu girl in love with a muslim boy from Kashmir.
(Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
did you take the charge of protecting his life? Stop caring about his life and start sincearly repenting to Allah. you are least bothered about the punishment Allah will give you for illiciti relationship with this hindu katla guy.