Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m tired of “hope-in-Allah” articles, please help me

assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters.

Inshallah I'll try to make my long story as short as possible (because just now I typed the whole thing and pressed control+v by mistake instead of c and the whole thing just vanished, and I'm not a good typer when in depression.)

So here it goes. Back in my teens at school I had the HAPPIEST of lives. I had freedom, never prayed, was a movie buff, addicted to music etc etc.. and then Allah guided me and I some how came into control.  I minimized everything and started to pray regularly. Though I  missed my past life I endured it with a lot of sabr. "Hope-in-Allah" articles did boost me up.

Then came this guy - he is my far relative -  and he proposed. I got my parent's permission and he promised that he would somehow convince his parents for 100% sure! He even came for a dinner to my house with my dad and everything was well and good. I HAD FULL 100% HOPE IN ALLAH and made my duas everyday in thahajjud (though I was such a sleepy head I managed to wake up and pray with all my hopes to the full.)  also made duas on all special occassions like Ramadan- the last ten, rain, jummah etc. I loved him a lot and wanted him so badly that I asked: O ALLAH!! GRANT HIM TO ME IF HE IS GOOD FOR ME. AND IF HE IS BAD FOR ME, STILL GRANT HIM TO ME BY CHANGING HIM TO GOOD FOR ME BECAUSE  YOU HAVE POWER OVER ALL THINGS.

One year passed with duas and hopes in Allah, and I made sure I did not commit any major sins and my prayers were proper because I did not want anything to come in between the dua being accepted.

MY FIRST TEST: his parents refused because of their "status". they were rich, and we were upper middle. He always feared and was obedient to his dad in all issues, but thus he was gone!! I was totally crushed into pieces and wondered WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DUAS? Then "hope-in-Allah" articles came to the rescue and I was completely devoted in duas and believed that Allah was just testing me by delaying.

MY SECOND TEST: I prayed for him everyday,  but my parents forced me into marriage with someone because they couldn't bear seeing me crying and depressed all the time. They told me it was just an infatuation and I'd get over it if I got married to someone. I did not have control over my marriage. They told me: we believed in you with that guy and he left you. Now this time you believe in us. My hopes declined and thus "hope-in-Allah" articles came up. Once again I asked Allah WITH FULL HOPE, I TRUSTED HIM SO MUCH THAT EVEN THE FEW MINUTES BEFORE I SIGNED MY MARRIAGE DOCUMENTS I THOUGHT HE WOULD FIND ME SOME WAY OUT OF IT!!!

I signed.
Nothing happened.
The world was spinning around me.
And my hopes declined.

MY  THIRD TEST: My husband was a practicing Muslim but very rude. He was extremely short-tempered and used to abuse me badly for silly things, but again "hope in Allah" articles.  Once again I mustered up all my strength and convinced myself that Allah is doing all this only to make me closer to Him.

MY FOURTH TEST: I could not forget my old love. My husband left me and went abroad for business. More loneliness= more missing. I remembered him every single day since he left me. I wish I had an eraser to erase all those memories. I begged Allah to make me forget him but no change. I wanted to contact him again and I had all the chances to do it, but I didn't. I was enduring everything for the sake of Allah. I was very possessive about him, so since Allah did not give him to me and now it was too late for me to wait for him to accept my dua, I at least prayed for him not to get married to any other girl. I know that sounds sooooooooooooooooooooooo silly, but I simply can never ever ever ever imagine another girl in his place. So I begged Allah and begged Him so hard every day not to get him married.

MY FIFTH TEST: Recently I heard that he is going to get married next month (I guess by the time this article gets published on this site his marriage will be over and my heart ripped into rags! ) I was hurt. I had no one to cry to, no parents, no friends, no siblings. Everybody thinks I forgot him. I cried one whole day over my musallah. I wriggled all alone on the floor like a worm crying and repeating the lord's name. I felt so weak.

I AM SO ANGRY FOR WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND ME. EVERYTIME I ASK A DUA WITH SO MUCH HOPE, TRUST & TEARS - EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE HAPPENS TO ME! PLEASE, I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME. SOMETIMES I WANNA GO BACK TO MY OLD HAPPY LIFE, WITH MUSIC AND MOVIES. BUT INSHALLAH I WON'T. I HAVE MADE SO MUCH SACRIFICE AND ALL THAT HAPPENS TO ME IS REJECTION OF ALL MY DUAS ONE BY ONE. SINCE MY SCHOOL LIFE, MY LIFE IS FULL OF ONLY SACRIFICES.  I know,  the Prophets made more sacrifices. But this sacrifice of him...seriously, I can't take it!!!

NOW WHAT DO I DO??

The obvious answer is forget him. I tried. The more I try the more I miss him. and I even asked Allah to make me forget him.

The other obvious answer is to be patient.  Patient for what?? Everything IS OVER!!! I was patient and my marriage happened, and I will be patient and then his marriage will happen. And after that I can't ask dua to get him back because that would mean breaking the ties of a family.

Bow all I got is disgrace and shame before my relatives. They came to know that I loved him and got married to another. They see me like a b***h!

I HATE THIS LIFE!!! I WANT ALLAH TO FORGIVE ME ALL MY SINS AND MAKE ME DIE RIGHT AWAY AND SEND ME STRAIGHT TO JANNAH. I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANYMORE. ALL I AM DOING IS WAITING FOR DEATH TO COME OVER ME! BUT ONE THING IS FOR SURE- I WILL ALWAYS LOVE ALLAH NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS INSHALLAH! BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE NOBODY ELSE TO TURN TO. TO HIM IS MY RETURN!! 🙁

- youngmuslimah123

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34 Responses »

  1. If you really truly love Allah you will live and you will live your life knowing and trusting in what Allah has said about how we all have someone for us who is meant to be with us and we are not the one who decides who this person is, Allah alone knows this information.

    I have been in love before and I guess I still love him, did most of the things you posted about especially the wriggling around which I did ALOT and still do from time to time on my bed in pure emotional pain. It feels like torture but you just have to continue living your life. Know that there are people out there who feel the same way as you so you are not alone even though it feels this way.

    Don't worry sis, don't feel bad. I prayed to Allah to not let the man I love marry someone else for the longest time but you will get to a stage when you start to wonder, is this something you would want someone else to give dua for you? What if a man is madly in love with you and you don't love him back or for some reason you can't be with him and he gives dua to Allah not to let you get married to any other man and Allah answers his dua and you end up being alone?

    Sis, I think from now on you should give dua to Allah not only so you can get what you want but also to please Him and do everything for His sake only. The man you love really is not the man you love. You have not lived with him, you have not seen him everyday, you have not had the chance to fully see him for who he is. You think you love him but you really do not love someone truly without being in their presence for a while. You have to continue living your life and trust that Allah gave you or will give you something better because inshAllah He will, if not in this life than the next.

    If this helps, change your dua to: "Allah, I know I love that man very much but I am now married to my husband who is lawful for me. Please enhance the good in him and change the bad in him. Please erase the love I have for the other man and create love between my husband & I and please give us righteous children, strong Iman and happiness in this life and the next, Ameen."

    May Allah help you and all those going through the same situation as well as other complex situations, Ameen.

  2. Whatever you typed seemed to me as deja vu. I kept sitting and beseeching Allah to salvage me from my precarious situations. However, we can't. I used to supplicate that if She is good for me then let her come my way else, do what is good for both of us.

    Unfortunately, I loved her and She did not. It never worked in full duplex mode. Thus, I was saddened by all the agony that I'd to bear single handedly. I would like to say that during sadness you are truly alone. That is when life is revealed to you. Joy is fleeting,that is why it appears all the more mesmerising.

    From my own personal experience, I can tell you one thing that if you make an attempt to forget then subconsciously you would be missing your love all the more. You would only make yourself feel miserable. It is time that you understand If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.

    The best way to move on is to set up new challenges for life. Try to discover your self. Understand, what you love. Painting, writing, Music, books, etc.
    Engross yourself. Whatever you do, make it a point to make notes or write a diary.

    Lastly, have faith in Allah. Aafa Alahu annka!

  3. Sister, grow up. We don't always get what we want in this life. This is one of the basic lessons of life. Accept it.

    Hasbun Allahu wa ne'm Al-Wakeel.

    A few points about your post:

    * A family that would reject you because you are not as wealthy as them is a family that is shallow and vain. And though your young man may not have initiated the breakup, he went along with it, didn't it? That should tell you something about his values.

    * Dua' is not a magic potion that transforms the world with sparkles in the air like Cinderella. You must take responsibility for your own choices. You said that after your breakup you were engaged to someone else and even on the day of your wedding you were waiting for your dua' to swoop in and change things, but it didn't so you signed the contract. Don't you see the fallacy here? You had the power to change things yourself. You could have refused to sign, and then you would not have been married to this man you say is rude and short-tempered. But you made a choice. You lifted the pen and signed. That was your choice.

    Pepper and Farrukh both gave you good advice, so I won't repeat what they said. I will only add once again, take some responsibility for your own life and your own happiness. There is more to life than marrying the one perfect guy who you imagine was destined for you. How do you know that if you had married him he would not also have turned out to be bad-tempered or unfaithful? Everyone is flawed in some way.

    In fact, maybe he would have been worse for you than the man you married. Allah knows, and you do not know. Allah is wise, and if He did not give you what you asked for in your dua' then there was surely a reason. It could be that Allah is saving your dua' for the aakhirah, when it will be far more precious to you than anything you could have received in this dunya. Or it could be that Allah knows what you need better than you do.

    I just read this article on MuslimMatters.org: "Look Who's Coming Out". It's by a sister who is married and has three children, and is dying from a rare illness. Is she bitter and angry? No, she trusts in Allah and is grateful for the power of dua'. SubhanAllah! Contrast her attitude with yours and think deeply about it.

    Stop living in the past. Work on your present and your future, Insha'Allah. The world is wide and every day is full of opportunities for happiness. Be grateful to Allah for every blessing in your life.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • O man I love sparkles in the sky....hee hee ,sorry couldn't resist

    • I agree brother wael.

      Sister what is your priority in life? Men and getting married? Is that all? Does your life have no substance beyond that!

      If the previous fellow didn't stand up for you infront of his parents and looked down on you because of money....he sounds like a totally shallow man as wael said. Why would you want to be with him? A person who can't stand up for you will never be a good husband, and will always put his family first.

      And sister. When you make dua or iistikhara prayer, don't expect it to happen because you want it to happen. you make dua that if this is the right choice, ya Allah make it easy for me. If it's not good, keep it away from me. In life you don't get everything you want, and you have to deal with what you have.

      As for the marriage. There is no forced marriage sister. You may have been pressured, but not forced. Islam gives women a choice. If you feel treated badly, then speak to him. If he continues to do so,and you are unhappy then tell him you want to move on. No point in being miserable, tell him the truth.

      If you see any good in this man, if he is pious, good to you most of the time, and you imagine he will be a good father to your future children then give him a chance. If he is trying to make you happy and possibly bring you to where he is, maybe that could work so you can be together. What is the point if a marriage if you are not even living together and sharing your life, especially in the beginning to form a bond.

      But to be honest sister, there is no constant happiness and joy in life. There is always ups and downs. It's crazy to think all marriages are so happy all the time. Relationships are hard, even if you love the person when you met them. Marriage is hard work, and you have to work at it to keep it fun and enjoyable.

      And sister finally. Life is not doom and gloom. Pick yourself up from the ground, don't mope around, and cry because that will do nothing. Be grateful for all the blessings that Allah has given you.if you are lonely, find ways of being with your husband. Connect with people and keep yourself busy instead if thinking about some guy who thinks you are too low class for him.

      If you don't like your husband and can't imagine living with him for the rest of your life, then leave him and be at peace.

      Do something and take charge of your life, stop waiting for death and make yourself useful to society. Volunteer, work, and do good deeds. Do you really have so many good deed that you are ready to die now! If you are I envy you, if you don't...stop wishing for death and build up your good deeds.

      • 'Sister what is your priority in life? Men and getting married? Is that all? Does your life have no substance beyond that!'

        I answer to this shortly.
        As I am a brother the second question for me is 'Women and getting married'?

        I don't know what will be the answer of other brothers but,according to what I have faced in my life since chilhood as I am in my twenties now,I would say 'Yes' I need getting married and be loved in order to LIVE not just EXIST.May be that is my priority from dunya.
        What Do I say that?
        Day after day I feel lonely,depressed,disappointed with life,angry,upset....and of all these are destroying my psyche and portraying me as I don't want to be:always upset,sometimes angry ect...and also are influencing me on religious practices and university studies as well

        All of us have a different story to tell and in my case loneliness is a costant in my life.

        Jannah is our ultimate goal for sure and the main purpose of living but we all need support in order to fullfill our duties,and marriage is a great support for not committing sin and also enjoy life,why not? We all need love in our lives.Without love life is totally empty.

        Marriage is the priority but in order to be a better muslim and do better our religious and working duties without negative pressures .

    • Assalaamu Alaykum ,

      Masha Allah very wonderfull

      May Allah forgive all of us and guide us to the straight path Ameen!

      Was Salaam.

  4. Peace be with you,

    To heal the past we need to acknowledge that we need to forgive, ...Forgive the ones we feel hurt by and forgive ourselves.

    You fell in love and you had expectations,...When our expectations don´t work the way we want them to be, we feel dissapointed and hurt.

    The loss of someone needs time to adjust our system to it, the loss of a dreamed future brings with it a big feeling of emptyness, the non acceptance of our reality throw us into a deep hole ...But this, God´s willing, can be changed.

    Going directly to you, I would like to add something to what have been said until now.

    If you want to overcome this situation, forgiveness and unconditional love are the most important items for you right now, ...Forgive him for not being for you, to his family for not accepting you, to your family, to your friends and to you. This won´t come easy to you, even wanting to do it with all your heart, you will have to deal with all the emotions that they wake up in you every time you ask for the blessing of forgiveness, but please keep trying.

    Only through forgiveness, God´s willing, we are able to leave behind this kind of situations and set our feet firmly in our now, being grateful for all the blessings we have.

    Forgiveness and unconditional love(the one that wants the best for everyone, the one that is not selfish or possesive, ...You can continue) are two big ones that, God´s willing, will help us to heal from the bottom of our hearts all the open wounds we have and with time and God´s will, we will be able to look back and stay calm at the thought of those memories.

    Once you begin to work yourself through forgiveness, God´s willing, you will see that your husband softens his heart towards you. He chose you and he is the one that is caring about you and sharing his life with you. You chose him, you care about him and you share your life with him. Both of you agreed to share your path.
    You should think about this as a good decision you made, this was the best for both of you and all of the people involved in the situation, because this is what is going on.

    Peace be with you.

  5. Everybody read "look who's coming out! I laughed, I cried, I skipped around the house....cause I can

  6. please dont loose hope in Allah, what he has given you may be better than what you wanted,always be thankfull for the little you have and look at those that dont have,like those that want to get married and cant find spouses,
    the first thing you should remember is we were created to worship Allah and having faith only in him(taqwa)
    read some ayah

    And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me,(51:56)

    Allah made it but a message of hope for you, and an assurance to your hearts: (in any case) there is no help except from Allah. The Exalted, the Wise:(3:126) (8:10)

    No soul can ever die except by Allah's leave and at a term appointed. Whoso desireth the reward of the world, We bestow on him thereof; and whoso desireth the reward of the Hereafter, We bestow on him thereof. We shall reward the thankful.(3:145)

    be patient
    Nay, seek (Allah's) help with patient perseverance and prayer: It is indeed hard, except to those who bring a lowly spirit,-(2:45)
    O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.(2:153)

    Satan's plan is (but) to excite enmity and hatred between you, with intoxicants and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allah, and from prayer: will ye not then abstain?(5:91)

    ...........And Allah is the best of planners.(3:54)

  7. asalamu alaikum,

    you said you wanna die right away and send you straight to Jannah? I want to remind you, its not that simple. when you die, the angels will pull your soul out, the questioning of the grave, the punishment of the grave, the waiting period in the grave and the day of Judgment where all soul shall be judged. don't think for a second you are gonna get a free ticket into Jannah just like that.

    also a lil advice, before marriage you might find the person you really like but after marriage people they tend to change. everyone wants to marry the person they like and live happily ever after. but its not that simple. and people who are married or have been can tell you this. all the glitter you see isn't gold.

    and its best that you didn't get married, his family are rich, and cause of that you got rejected due to arrogance as you said, can even imagine how your in-laws will treat you? I've seen and read a lot how the in-laws dominate. plenty of post on here how in-laws are mistreating the daughter in-law.

    did you know even if you have a grain of arrogance in you, you wont even smell Jannah. be grateful, you seem really young with little life experience. there is more to life than a love marriage.

    ma salama..

  8. Salamz.

    I know how it feels. Because I have been there. I signed my "forced" nikkah documents one month ago WHILE I was still in love with another man. In 10 days is my wedding function and my husband's family is already making my life a living hell. I wonder what they will do when i am in their house 24/7.
    I cry. I repent. I still miss him that it tears me apart KNOWING that Allah SHOULD be enough for me. I am weak. Nobody cares. All they say is, look ahead and move on. : )
    I can only say to you, just hold on. It might never get okay. But it will pass. So, just hold on.
    Allah sees the pain, I cannot comprehend His reasons for it - but faith is all we have. Without it, we'l be nothing. Anyways, sister. I hope you find peace of mind in something.
    Prayers for you.

  9. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

    You should not hope for death because if you are a sinner, you might repent and if you are an exceller then you might increase in good.\

    Everything that happens to you is good if you have iman. The believer is grateful whenever good happens to him and patient whenever something bad happens to him and both are good for him.

  10. As Salam alaykoum

    Sister Allah through his infinite wisdom knows what will happen when he doesn't grant your duaa. He knows all the could've and should'ves in life. You don't. So stop blaming Allah for not accepting the duaa the way you want. Duaa isn't always going to be accepted right here right now. There's no " your wish is my command" type of thing either. The tests you're talking about are very minor indeed. Allah says in the quran in sura al baqarah that we will be tested with things in life with fear, hunger, and loss of wealth. That's exactly what our brothers and sisters are going thru in Syria, Burma, Egypt, Afghanistan, Palestine, etc. please put your problems in perspective and try to read the right articles that'll help you. I recommend Mufti Ismail Menk on you tube. He has a lot of self help videos from an islamic perspective.

  11. Walekumsalam dear Sister

    I would like to say the following

    1. His family rejected you because they were richer than you. A family who just base everything on ‘status’, you would never been happy in such family. This rejection due to ‘wealth status’ has not happened with you only. I am a live example of the same. I have gone through the same rejection. It pained at that time but now I feel I was blessed by almighty as I would never be happy among such artificial people.

    2. You loved him, you had wanted to marry him, you have been crazy for him but have you given a thought about his side as well? He apprantly loved you but he did not have guts to stand for you, he could not convince his family, he just disconnected himself from you when his family went against the proposal. What kind of man will he be who could not stand for himself, who could not do anything for you, he merely chose to leave you. How coward was he? No girl would like to marry a coward like him. Just imagine, if he would have married you but chances are high that he would have stood by his family and not you in any situation and at that time, you would have found yourself all alone in spite of having him. My dear, see the reality, see the other side of the coin.

    3. Dua is not magic which may turn things the way we desire. We often ask almighty to give us this and that without realizing if such thing is really good for us or not but its only almighty who knows what is best for us. When we don’t get what we wish, we just become hopeless without realizing that whatever Allah(swt) does, does for a reason and for our betterment. If you think thoughly what I said above in point number 1 & 2, you would realize how blessed you are and why Allah(Swt) didn’t grant your wish.

    4. You are talking about tests again and again but if you know that Allah (Swt) has said that “ We will certainly test you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and fruits (earnings); but give glad tidings to the persevering and patient:” then you should count this (that man you loved) a test from almighty. If you would have or still if you , then you would soon come out of it.

    5. You want to die and go to Jannah. Well everyone has to die, one day you will too but what makes you to think that you would go to Jannah..its Hope’….its your hope from almighty that you tried to be right path and that’s why you ‘hope’ to be sent to Jannah. But if you are tired of hope-in allah , then how would he? You said that you want to forget that man but you couldn’t, you hoped for some magic from Allah’s side. But how you forgot that Allah (Swt) has said that “"Verily Allah does not change men’s condition unless they change their inner selves" (Quran 13: 11)”.

    6. You are listing faults of your husband. Okay no one is perfect so is he but have you ever checked yourself, I mean you are married to someone but you are stuck in your past, you still have feelings for someone other than your husband. Don’t you realize that this would affect your personality and behavior and over all, your relationslhip with your husband. You were still thinking of your love when you were signing your nikah document. How wrong was not it morally and ethically. When you are lost in your past life then surely it would have become in many ways an obstacle in your marred life without your even realizing. Have you ever thought about it?? If not, think now.

    7. You said “ I WILL ALWAYS LOVE ALLAH NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS “, then accept his decisions, whatever he did to your life, trust him that whatever happens , happens for your betterment only. Stop thinking negative, see the other side of the coin. Stop living in the past. Past is gone, don’t waste your present and future. Realise that sometimes not getting what you want, can be the best thing for you.

    I believe that one should be hopeful not when you wish to have something but when you don’t get that thing you had wanted.!!! If you realize this, you would be ‘hope-in’ Allah now and forever!!!

    Your Sister

  12. Dear sister,

    Sounds like your definitely in that young phase. You know there are ppl that have more hard tests than u in life. Tests of poverty, hurt, abuse, sorrow, and other type of pain. What ur saying is a part of life. Sumtimes we dont always get wut we want in life, and we shud pray to Allah (SWT) to give us what HE thinks is better for us cuz we will come to realize later trust me.

    I think that u have a lot of unresolved issues from the past that are bothering you and you need to move on.
    Everything happens for a reason and hve u ever wandered that Allah may have done this much for a reason?
    Sumtimes we dnt get all the answers rite away but later on we realize y it really happened.

    I hope things get better for u tc

  13. assalamu alaikum

    sister this right here really got me:

    I HATE THIS LIFE!!! I WANT ALLAH TO FORGIVE ME ALL MY SINS AND MAKE ME DIE RIGHT AWAY AND SEND ME STRAIGHT TO JANNAH. I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANYMORE. ALL I AM DOING IS WAITING FOR DEATH TO COME OVER ME! BUT ONE THING IS FOR SURE- I WILL ALWAYS LOVE ALLAH NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS INSHALLAH! BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE NOBODY ELSE TO TURN TO. TO HIM IS MY RETURN!!

    why are you making men the reason why you want to live or die? why is soooo much of your self worth connected to another human? even in marriage, you cannot you CANNOT...totally relinquish the love you have for yourself and Allah swt for a mere human. Humans no matter how much they love you will FAIL YOU!!

    LIFE EXPERIENCE. also do right and do what is just because you have the sincerity and intent to. there is no compulsion.

  14. youngmuslimah123: "One year passed with duas and hopes in Allah, and I made sure I did not commit any major sins"

    Now you are married. Stop thinking about the other guy. A guy can always convince his parents or leave them. He just used you for "minor sins".

  15. i read your story.. and i want to tell u that you are a very strong girl.
    you might be very hopeless but i want to tell you Allah loves us and ALLAH grants us everything when only Allah is superior to us above all the things in this life. you pray Allah alot to get that guy in your life somehow and anyone with the same feelings as u have ..will do that..
    but i will suggest you to watch 'Hazrat yusuf" movie on internet it is of 40 to 45 episodes.. i got a lot of lesson from it. when Hazrat Yaqoob used to cry for Hazrat Yusuf so much that he got cataracts in both his eyes ALLAH sent an angel to tell Hazrat Yaqoob that in the wait of Yusuf you cry so much, Allah wanted to tell Hazrat Yaqoob that I should be above every thing to you, The love you have for me should be more then that you have for your parents, sisters, brothers, money, worldly desires..
    i might not be using exact phrases of meaning of the ayats n messages n i hope ALLAH pardons me for that. but i want to convey that message to you.
    do watch Hazrat Yusuf movie and you ll get to know alot of messages and understandings of ur situation from that movie.
    May Allah help you and grant you all the happiness you desire.ameen

  16. OP: his parents refused because of their "status". they were rich, and we were upper middle. He always feared and was obedient to his dad in all issues

    How do you know his parents rejected you because of your family's "status"?
    Did you have secret dates with the first guy?

  17. Even when a person is alone, he has the beautiful surah yaseen with Him...read it feel good...pass on. Love quran, love Him, love seerah. We are here to do this and more.

  18. I m fed up of life. An non muslim cheated me in terms of money. I m n muslim women. should I forget tht money or shall I fight legally for my money. I am confused. please help

  19. Assalam o alaikum,

    • ABC, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah. Also, please search our archives as we have published many posts about breakups, heartbreak, etc.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  20. The guy who refused to marry you wasnt a good man he would have stood by you if he truly loved you. I am not perfect muslimah but from what I understand that whatever happens in long term you realise that what Allah did was right. As far as all duas going opposite of what you prayed. I can suggest you one thing. Take a break from what dua u make everyday. Instead of asking give me this particular thing just make dua in broder sense like for entire ummah or people of a region suffering or your parents and frens. Even u donot get what u want in life atleast wen u make such duas it will give you peace of heart. And be self worthy. I know marriage is important but its not everything. I wanted to do mbbs wen I was in school. I prayed very badly in haram shareef everywhere. It did not happen. I had to settle for management course which was like being a black sheep in family of doctors but im doing better than many of my frens n family members. Im happy. Never bother what relatives will say. People just need a reason to malign others especially relatives. You will find solutions to your life just take the initiative and Allah will guide you.

  21. Peace be upon you,
    I loved her for 5 years, kept convincing her father who finally agreed. When I went to my father finally in my home country, he gave me a choice: either the girl or my family. Every day I hate him for it. So, I left thinking I will visit him another time to convince him and came back to the country where I live. The girls parents got the wind of what had happened. She refused me going back to try and her father broke off everything. I really hurted her.
    Even to this day I get up in the middle of the night with my heart palpitating. I made a girl lose 5 years of her life. I will be held accountable to her on the day of Qiyamah. Meanwhile I have deep resentment for my father.
    But lately this is what I have started doing. When ever I feel depressed and miss her, I get up and pray 2 rakats of salat every day for her asking Allah to keep her safe and blessed. And I will keep doing it till the day I feel I have paid her debt and can move on. And it is really working wonders. The best thing what a man can do for someone whom he loves for the sake of Allah.

  22. w'Salam
    dear sister !!!
    i hope you are doing well. you need to indulge yourself in social activities and try to spread the light you have got. help others Allah will definitely help you.keep on reciting Quran. try to listen sufi song. here is one http://www.desihit.net/templates/admin/assets/upload_songs/Allah%20Ho.mp3
    pray for me please...
    Allah hafiz

  23. Sure, you are going through very bad time but let`s think about the other possibility!
    Suppose you had gotten married to the person you love. Now the psyche of a guy is that he can never bear the pressure of parents and expects his wife to make sure that his parents face no problem from her! I think all other guys reading this will agree with this point of mine totally!

    Now imagine you get married to this guy you love in spite of his parents not wanting this to happen. Do you know what would have happened next??
    1. His parents would start trying to drive him away from you through any excuses they can come up with and eventually he will get sick and tired of the conflict between you and his parents. The result of this marriage would be simple enough! Either his parents manage to get rid of you, leaving you as a divorced mid-aged woman spending rest of her life in a corner of her parents` house! OR

    2. you would have been destined to bear the scorns of crushing comments of him and his parents for rest of your life until you give up and develop anxiety and live an abnormal or far from ideal life!
    Is that what you wanted to have??? haan?

    So dear, now what would be the solution to the miserable situation in hand? First thing you need to do is to vent the steam out! you need someone to share all that you are feeling! Share with friend, family member or even try counselling. If counselling is a possibility, contact me at ***** for further guidance. it would be helpful and free!

    Then start some hobby, find some interests and pursue them.
    Also, You can`t just try to forget your love! the more you oppose his thoughts, the more you will get caught up in them... But dear, do you really think he deserved you! Did he think about what torture u are going through? No, he didn`t. Keep this in mind! He was not worthy to have a woman like you.....So he would not have kept you happy after marriage either! Think about that !!

    Let the time and sharing-with-someone heal you. Keep yourself busy too.

  24. Aaah! Your story reminded me of my own story! Very much same since the similarity of him not been granted to me after 5 years of nice and loving relation. We had never thought that v would not b marrying each other. Oh n even the thought of losing him was enough for me to lose my breaths...yes! N same thing happened even jus bfr signing the nikkah form I was 100% sure that some miracle will happen. And no it did nt. But afterwards my story is different from u ...I got a good one masha Allah. But but but ...hamaray jaisay logon ki Jan itni asani sy kahan choot ti hy... I got a baby girl with down syndrome.... Surely she is a blessing for us...but here in this country v hv to fight for each n every thing for her..... From rejections of addmissions to bluffings of those who gave admission. She was isolated...having no friend. By tying a recorder in her shirt while at school, i found that she was talking to herself. Calling peers at play area in a very low tone...( sana, arham main Hoorain mairy sath khailo, her voice too low that no one cud even listen). U can't imagine how it feels like to c ur beloved child being lost in this cruel world.
    Unsure of her future....desperately tried for immigration in hope of her better future and after 6 years of hope and wait and not knowing we will hv to settle here or there. And after we had fully made our mind that we will go outta here..WE GOT REFUSAL. N here v r today ...finding every other way to take her out somewhere in a developed country. Despite v both are highly qualified parents. Getting no job ntg outside Pakistan....... There Comes questions in mind ..agar Allah ny immigration dini nahi thi tu 6 Sal q latkaya despite of all those duas n sajday for 6 years. That I was 100% sure that Allah won't do this to me...agr refusal huna hta phlay hujata n bla bla ....so here I m still in d state of uncertainty n wait....hoping one day we will find a better place for our daughter... Allah knows when

  25. Dear Sis,

    May this is Allah's way of hopefully making you understand to love Him first above all other things?

  26. Hey..it has been a long time since you posted your comment.. sister, how's your life going right now? are you all right? what about your hubby?and your past love? Family?

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