Islamic marriage advice and family advice

To divorce or not?

Muslim woman in hijab

Asalamualaikum.

I would like some general advice and maybe hear some similar stories. My husband and I met at a young age we dated and now have been married a couple years. We are still young and in our 20's.

My situation is that we have an unhealthy relationship most days I am unhappy with his behaviour. He doesn't like to discuss our problems and finds a way to blame me for everything. He calls me messed up names all the time and very hurtful too. I experience a whole lot of emotional abuse too, we both hardly even speak like adults he doesnt listen or respond when I speak about important things. We dont enjoy each others company we never even laugh together. This is just a small percentage thats weighing on my heart.

Ive been dealing with this for years, I just want to be happy, feel loved and wanted. I have told him all this and over and over again he tells me to leave If I aint happy and never wants to get to the bottom of why Im so unhappy.

I do love him more but hes making it difficult for me to be attracted to him purley because of his character traits. Hes rude and disrespectful and brings up my families name in irrelevant arguments. I want to leave and start a fresh life, can I do Istikhara? Like I said this just some of the reasons I want to end our life together, I didnt resort to divorce overnight I thought of this over and over again.

bl95

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5 Responses »

  1. I'm also in a similar situation but also have a very young child - I'm unhappy like you as I never know what I'm going to walk into I'm also walking on egg shelves around him as his behaviour is very unpredictable he will be really nice and normal then a few hours later completely lose his temper or begin abusing me for no real reason. His behaviour is mentally exhausting especially as I'm looking after my child with very little support from him just constant criticism- I'm an educated woman with a good job but when I'm at home get treated very badly emotionally abused constantly I'm struggling to cope and feel if my husband doesn't change I will have a mental breakdown - what should be done in this situation? Sorry sister I can just relate to your post completely and would love some advice also
    Lost

  2. Salaams sisters,

    You both deserve Better than this kind of Treatment! Allaah swt has instituted marriage for us to give and receive love and tenderness, and to raise children in a loving and Harmonious, Islamic environment. What you describe is outright Oppression, something that our Creator has Strictly Prohibited! You both need to get Out before it gets even Worse. Yes Allaah swt Hates divorce more than Any of the Permitted acts, but remember Oppression is a Forbidden act and not something to be Accepted!

  3. Assalaamualaykum Sister bl95,

    I'm so sorry to hear of your emotional pain and suffering and agree with the above advice that you should leave the situation, particularly because you have communicated your needs to him several times over already with no change in his behavior. You could try marriage counseling first if he is amenable to that, but from what you describe, it sounds like this brother would probably not agree to it, is not interested in introspection, and is furthermore not really ready for marriage. And Allah knows best.

    I think you will Inshallah find happiness elsewhere. You can most certainly do Istikhara in your situation and go the way your heart leads you after performing that prayer and dua.

    May Allah light your way,

    Hugs,

    Nor

  4. you are lucky to have gotten married in halal manner so early. go to marriage councellor. try to make it work.. hes not cheating not into drugs not hitting you . no family intervention no financial problems apparently. no mental health issues apparently make it work .. try.. pray together. sit together and recite salawat together at night.do dhikr. you both need Allah in your heart.. visit an enlightened spiritual scholar..hope for best

  5. Salam,

    What is it that you two argue over?

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