To love husband or not?
The Rights of a Wife over her Husband
Asslaam o alaikum brothers and sisters.
here i want to ask a question again 🙂
I will give you a short story based on reality with my close friend.
then you have to answer my question below it after reading it...
suppose her name is :ABC
"ABC is mankuha, i means she has got her nikah with a cousin. They have mobile contact also. they loved each other a lot. ABC was not in his love in beginning but as the time passes her love also grew up. later on after 9 months approximately, her husband begin to get angry and harsh. he banned her on going outside of house, on even taking salam to her Aunt, grand mother also. and ABC did so. ABC also take pills, and get ill. only due to gain his love. but he used to gave his love only for few days and then become angry again. in such anger he did not even want to talk to her. dont care for her. he doesnot even gave her Tallaq. and ABC also did not want divorce. her husband annoys her so much that she burn her self with fire. her husband donot care for her now also.and after dew days he started love again. then after few days again anger.... 🙁 .i mean that repeats again and again.when he is not in anger he becomes her loving and ideal husband. she tried her level best to keep his mood good.but all in vain again and again.
ABC do tell her parents this situation at last. but all in vain. now after 1 and half year has passed with such conditions. they go outside also for a enjoyment. but now this enjoyment has also stopped."
now the main topic is: "ABC is now getting hidayat. and awareness. that Allah is the most loving. she started Loving Allah and caring for Him. and she has ended contacting him more. now she is getting so much confused. that what should she do??? she has decided that she will love Allah forever. as she has known that if she will make happy Allah, then Allah will make all people happy with her automatically, as a reward. but now she doesnot want any reward of people's love. she only wants Allah's love. she has decided that if her husband will talk to her she will talk to her bu not love him. even after rukhsati she will not let herself fallen in sex with him. if he will want to do sex then she will allow him but not make herself involved in sex and love. she will only love Allah and will give every right of his relations but not love. because she is guilty now for the reasons that she had harmed herslef only for the love of a man who did not care for her. Now i want to ask that ::
1: if her husband want her love back or want her to love him again madly as she did, then what should she do? she dont want to love him now, she only want to love Allah. (as she will not ever stop giving his rights to him except love.)
2: if his husband want to sex her again then will it is a sin to sex again?because she is in love with Allah. she only want to think Him. then she thinks that Allah will be angry if she will think about her husband or want to sex his husband.
3: She does not let herslef think of the time that she has spent with her husband happily. whenever it came to her mind she begin repenting as she is committing a sin. she does not think about having sex with her husband. because she thinks it a sin. what about this confusion?
should ABC think or love her husband or not. (in fact less than Allah.) ???? plz guide me as soon as possible.
hadiageee.
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assalmalaikum-
THIS BELOW HADEES APPLIES TO MALES AND FEMALES BOTH AS THE CASE MAY BE........
Celibacy and Monasticism is Forbidden. Islam is totally opposed to monasticism and celibacy. Uthman bin Maz’un was a close companion of the Prophet. One day his wife came to the Prophet and complained, “O Messenger of God! Uthman fasts during the day and stands for prayers during the night.” In other words, she meant to say that her husband was avoiding sexual relations during the night as well as the day. The Prophet was angered. He did not even wait to put on his slippers. He went to Uthman’s house and found him praying. When Uthman finished his prayers and turned towards the Prophet, he said, “O Uthman! Allah did not send me for monasticism, rather He sent me with a simple and straight [Shariah]. I fast, pray and also have intimate relations with my wife. So whosoever likes my tradition, then he should follow it; and marriage is one of my traditions.”
When the Seal of Prophets was asked about Monasticism, God reveals in the Quran the following verses:
“..Then We caused Our messengers to follow in their footsteps; and We caused Jesus, son of Mary, to follow, and gave him the Gospel, and placed compassion and mercy in the hearts of those who followed him. But monasticism they invented - only seeking God's pleasure, We ordained it not for them, and they observed it not with right observance. We therefore gave the believers among them their reward; and many of them are sinners.” - The Quran , 57:27
In Islam sacred tradition it is narrated, "Some of the Companions of the Prophet decided to relinquish the world, forsake their wives, and become like monks. The Prophet told them with asperity: People before you perished because of their asceticism; they made excessive demands on themselves until God brought hardships on them: you can still see a few of them remaining in monasteries and temples. So worship God and do not associate anything with Him, perform the pilgrimage, be righteous, and all affairs will be set right for you."
“O' 'Uthman! Surely, Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted has not ordained monasticism for us; monasticism of my ummah is only jihad in the way of Allah.”[151]
The above tradition is an allusion to the fact that if you desire to renounce the material life, do not do so negatively and by means of social seclusion; rather, seek it positively - in jihad in the way of Allah (s.w.t.).
The Noble Prophet (S.) then went on to present a detailed explanation of the merits of congregational prayers - which itself emphasizes the rejection of monasticism and seclusion.
The situation and way of thinking you are describing is wrong on so many levels, I hardly know where to begin.
First of all, what you are describing is not a life. It's self-imposed isolation and self-denial. And it's not realistic. No one can live like this.
If your friend's husband is so bad that she is taking pills and burning herself, then she needs to divorce him. Let her move back with her parents and ask for talaq. If the husband refuses she can try for khul'ah.
I also think your friend needs psychological counseling.
Now about this sex issue, it makes no sense. If she intends to remain with her husband then of course there is an expectation of sexual intimacy. You say she will give her husband his rights but will not enjoy it and will not love him. What kind of life is that? How horrible would it be to have sex under such circumstances?
Lastly, this business of abstaining from sex because she is "in love with Allah." This is deeply disturbing. The love we have for Allah is a pure love. It is from our souls and our hearts. We express this love through obedience and gratitude. In other words, through worship.
This cannot be confused with sexual relations with one's spouse. These things are unrelated. To try to associate them is disgusting and wrong. How can having sex with one's husband be a sin? That is completely wrong. As brother Ali pointed out, we are not monks and nuns in Islam. We have no such tradition in Islam.
The sister is in a miserable marriage. For some reason she does not want to divorce. So instead of divorcing, she is harming herself, and now coming up with bizarre theological concepts to try to justify staying in the marriage. This is going too far. Let the sister divorce her husband and be done with it, then let her seek psychological counseling to try to come to terms with these issues of love and intimacy.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanx a lot.
It's soo unfortunate to see such confused and mentally messed up Muslims these days. It's from all of the man made sectors that have made it their mission to ruin the Muslim
People. There is one Quran, and one prophet simple our religion is simple wake up brothers and sisters stop being lazy and read your book research and most important use your Brian's Allah gave it to us for a reason. These stories cannot be real if so our people need serious help. Allah help you brothers and sisters who have such weak faith in your religion , for god sake kufaar know more about Islam that most of you.
Assalaamu alaykum.
I would advise the sister to know the way of loving Allah. Allah is a creator, not a creation. When we love Him, we obey him and please him. Allah has made Nikkah lawful for the couple to gain tranquility. And actually all acts in marriage are acts of worship. When you love your husband, you are doing it for Allah, and if you die, and your husband is pleased with you and so is Allah, you will entre Jannah. Marriage is not about staying, it is the completing half deen, a journey to paradise. So one should strive in it.
I would further advise her to learn the "Rights and Responsibilities of a woman to her husband" and the right and responsibilities of a husband in Islam. All what we do should be for Allah's sake. Let her relax herself, and talk to her husband. Most of us women, we are afraid to talk to our husbands, talk to him in a good manner, don't yell, talk to the point. If the marriage do not give you tranquility, ask for divorce or do khulu'. May Allah guide our sister, it seems her psychology is disturbed. Allah's love has extent and limits. Ofcourse we should love Allah number one, but that means, we should obey him and please him alone and not otherwise.
Peace!
cousin marriage should not be advised, there are lots of complications in cousin marriage, first and for most they two have known each other since childhood, parents are related to each other, heredity diseases
most cousin marriages happen in rural areas with little education and knowledge, they don't even want to honour the sacred thing of marriage, they just think that its an obligation to tie young people into to extract advantages. they play with their natural emotions